dick copypasta

I live in fear of my giant dong.

So today, I decided to measure my cock, just to look and see, like every man does. I planned to report back to my dudes... For the boys, y’know? So I get a boner, and I measure it with a ruler from my mom’s desk drawer... and it’s too fucking big for anyone to believe me if I told them. I’m now having a moral crisis, because if I tell the bros about my huge cock, they won’t believe me. But momma didn’t raise a liar. So now I’m stuck between having a brosation with my guys about my huge fucking horse cock, or forever hiding in the third leg closet. How do I come about coping with the knowledge that I have a giant pulsing lightsaber dong?

Trump has a massive cock.

Yeah not true. Trump has a massive cock. I know this because.... I mean just look at how he’s always leaning forward. My president is packing so much heat he almost loses his balance sometimes. He probably tucks it up his shirt and tapes his massive fucking cum-filled balls back up his anal cavity. He’s so thick. I bet he uses all that grease to slide his ticking-time-bomb balls in and out of him and giving himself several anal orgasms in the process. No wonder every woman in government complains about him. They want his massive fucking member and they know they can’t get it because he only gives it to melania. He probably uses cushions and such to hide the massive bulge as well but sometimes I swear I can see his chest wet from all the pre cum he probably pumps out from all that friction.

My Dick is Hydrophobic

As a man of culture, I regularly take part in the natural act of masturbation. For you non-scholars, I am saying that I regularly spank the shit out of my meat to anime babes and / or cat girls. In accordance with the Geneva Convention article 4A paragraph 6, I exclusively use oil based lubricants (such as Vaseline or WD-40). After years of applying this buttery concoction to my 3 inch destroyer, enough has permanently absorbed into the skin of my dick and balls to the point that water is actually repelled when applied. Yes, my dick can now act as a flotation device in case of emergency water landings. Take that libtards.

Cock Rating

Nice cock bro. Good girth, pretty nice curve, tip-to-shaft ratio is perfect; only issue is the colour consistency, it gets a little light near the tip. I give it an overall 8.7/10; now onto the cum velocity testing.