Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
I became the first person to cum in 2023
December 31st 2022 - I sat in my chair furiously masturbating my dick desperate to release gallons of sperm but I resisted the urge and I kept edging for 5 minutes carefully watching the clock on my PC. I waited in anticipation until finally it was 2022. I ejaculated releasing loads and loads of gooey white cum everywhere, I moaned with satisfaction, proud of my achievement.
I had just become the first person to cum in 2023. I look over my cum filled desk and chair with pride.
So all of you can go cry, because none of you will be able to claim my title of first person to cum in 2023. Go wallow in sorrow and self-pity at the fact that you missed the opportunity to ejaculate just when it reached the New Year at midnight. While you subhuman mere mortals are setting of fireworks at midnight, I am blasting a massive explosion of cum everywhere. Oh yes, I am now superior to everyone on the planet, bow down to me, the cum lord of 2023.
Happy new year, losers.
I can cum just by tensing my asshole
So the other day I made a discovery so miraculous Christopher Columbus would've tried to colonise it. I was getting down to some me time, as we all do, however I found that after loading my video of choice and doing one stroke that I already felt right on the edge, because I didn't want to finish so early into my session I let go to let the sensation settle down, to my dismay I found that I was still feeling really close nearly a minute or two later. At this point I'm really confused, because I have stroked myself once and let myself rest for two minutes and it still feels like I've been jerking it the whole time. This is when curiosity strikes, I thought to myself "can I finish myself with no hands?" Now for the people who don't know, men can make themselves feel more pleasure and sensitivity by tensing their legs and butt, in a sudden burst of the weirdest mix of horny curiosity and determination I tensed my butt in just the right away over the span of a minute and I was so shocked when it actually fucking worked, I just made myself cum with tensing and willpower, this was ground breaking. I have now found I have the ability to do this without even using my hands in the first place and I'm not sure if I'm God or his biggest mistake.
So I'm a woman in my 30's. I made a throwaway because I don't want this tied to my main account at all. Yesterday our garbage disposal stopped working and I was trying to see why so I was looking around under the sink and I moved stuff out to get in there to look around more easily. In the very back tucked away was a mason jar that I thought was just over halfway full of kitchen grease at first but I realized it wasn't grease...I thought it looked like semen. I made the mistake of opening it and by the smell I knew that it was definitely semen. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Disgusted I threw it away in the dumpster outside. It had to have been my husband's but I don't know why he would save semen in a jar.
My husband got home and I asked him about it. He seemed very embarrassed and confessed it was indeed a jar full of semen he was filling for almost a year. I was shocked and asked him why? He said whenever it was my time of the month or I wasn't in the mood he'd jerk off into the jar after I went to bed. I asked him why not go in the toilet or use tissues or the shower or something. Why a fucking jar? He couldn't answer that other than saying hes been doing this since he was a kid. I told him I want him to stop using a jar because it's disgusting. He told me he didn't want to and asked where the jar was. I told him I threw it away and he was upset! He said it took him a long time to fill the jar that much and now he had to start over and we argued about him using a jar to store old jizz in.
I still don't understand why he wants to fill a jar for fucks sake. We argued about it and during the argument he opened the refrigerator, took a large jar of pickles and dumped it out and started rinsing it out and said, "This is the cum jar now!" Before I knew it I'm literally screaming at my husband about cumming in jars and told him he can either cum in me or the jar but not both. He clutched the jar and stormed off to the bathroom. I was literally speechless.
I sat down and started watching TV trying to take my mind off it when he came out and joined me and tried to patch things up. I asked him where he hid the jar and he wouldn't fucking tell me! He told me we should just forget about the fight, he apologized to me and told me he'd make sure I didn't have to see the jar if I didn't want to. I wanted us to stop fighting so I agreed and we didn't speak about it for the rest of the night. He fell asleep early but I laid in bed for over an hour thinking about the fucking jar. I don't understand why he's so intent on doing something so disgusting and I'm still angry about it.
Edit/Update: My husband got home and we sat down and talked. After a lot of prying I got him to come clean with me about why he cums in a jar and why it's in the kitchen.
He gets very excited when I eat his cum and he makes pancakes every weekend for breakfast and he mixes the cum into the pancake batter and gets off on me eating it without my knowledge or consent. He has been doing this regularly for our entire marriage and has mixed cum in other things I'veeaten and drank. I have of course swallowed his cum before but this is different because he did this without my knowing.
I honestly couldn't yell at him or even say anything. I felt numb. I just got up and started throwing shit in a bag while he tried to talk me down and stop me. I ended up leaving with some bare essentials and told him that I need space and will reach out to him when I'm ready to talk. I'm taking some time off of work and headed to a friend's house for a few days. I asked her if I could stay and she doesn't know why and honestly I don't know what to tell her or anyone else for that matter. I don't know what I'm going to do or what this means for our marriage. I feel disgusted, used and like trust in my husband has been severely damaged. I haven't cried or done anything yet. I stopped to get a bite to eat on the way to my friend's house and to try to figure out what to say to her because I know she'll have questions. I also think I need to cry first. Thank you to everyone who's been kind and supportive and offered good advice. Please keep it coming because I feel like I'm drowning here and I have no idea what to do.
Last time I slept early on my best friends house he pranked me by putting cum on my hands and made me slap it to my face now it's time for my revenge
Edit:he's asleep and I'm jacking off now
I cum in approximately 1.204 seconds on average. I have gathered this data through a meta-analysis of two years worth of studies into my cumming abilities.
Yes, scientists can not explain why I only last 1.204 seconds (approximately)
No, my girlfriend doesn’t mind (I don’t have one irl but I have a waifu pillow on animal crossing whom I love dearly)
No, I will not teach you how to make yourself cum in one second as you probably do not possess the necessary intellectual prowess that is imperative to gain my superhuman abilities.
Thank you for reading.
