Skip to content

Colleen Ballinger


Colleen Ballinger’s Apology Song

    [Spoken]
    Hey
    It's been a while since you saw my face
    I haven't been doing so great
    So I took a little break
    A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't quite true
    Doesn't matter if it's true, though
    Just as long as it's entertaining to you, right?
    You guys having fun?
    [Chorus]
    All aboard the toxic gossip train
    Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
    The toxic gossip train
    You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station
    Toxic gossip train
    Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past
    Those rumors look like facts if you don't mind the gaps
    I won't survive in the crash, but hey
    At least you're havin' fun
    [Spoken]
    Uh, hi, everyone
    I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things
    Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say
    I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so
    Here I am, and, um, today I only wanna talk about the facts
    So, I hope that you'll be willing to listen
    Here we go
    Many years ago, I used to message my fans
    Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest
    It was more of a loser kind of way
    Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody
    It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know?
    And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like "Hey, girl, what's the tea!"
    And you're like "Ehhh"
    Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird
    You might also like
    Beauty and the Beat Boots
    Todrick Hall
    You’re Losing Me (From The Vault)
    Taylor Swift
    Cupid (Twin Version)
    FIFTY FIFTY (피프티피프티)
    [Verse 1]
    I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years
    I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel
    Like I'm talking to my friends, but, in the beginning of my career
    I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries there
    There were times in the DMs when I would overshare
    Details of my life, which was really weird of me
    I haven't done that for years, you see
    Because I changed my behavior, and I took accountability
    [Spoken]
    But that's not very interesting, is it?
    [Chorus]
    So let's go on the toxic gossip train
    The locomotive's fueled with hateful accusations
    The toxic gossip train
    Steamroll over someone's reputation
    Toxic gossip train
    Hop on board, but close your eyes, otherwise you'll realize
    That the train is made of lies and that person you despise
    Maybe didn't deserve to die
    But hey, at least you're havin' fun
    [Spoken]
    In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes
    Um, y'know, we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes
    And grow, and change their behavior, and be a better person
    This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes
    And is something that I will continue to try t- what?
    Oh, you don't care? Oh, okay
    [Verse 2]
    I thought you wanted me to take accountability
    But that's not the point of your mob mentality, is it? No
    Your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise
    While you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise
    [Spoken]
    Yeah, um, I feel like I can already hear the comments on this video
    "She's gaslighting, manipulating!"
    "Ugh, she's a narcissist and a rat!"
    "I would never make a mistake like that."
    [Verse 3]
    Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize
    That all of you are perfect, so please, criticize me
    Bring out the daggers made from your perfect past
    And stab me repeatedly in my bony little back
    I'm sure you're disappointed in my shitty little song
    I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong
    Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna take that route
    Of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout
    [Verse 4]
    "Hey everybody, I found someone new to harass
    She did some things that I do not like, in her past
    So everybody, gather 'round, 'cause we're about to attack"
    But not based on facts, oh no
    Your loaded lethal weapon is your fingers on the keys
    You don't need any armor when you can hide behind a screen
    So, shoot me down, quick, with a click, and bam
    My reputation's deceased
    [Spoken]
    Uh, I also wanted to take a minute to talk about that girl, Miranda Sings
    You know the one, yeah her
    Uh, she's PG-13, it says that on my website
    [Verse 5]
    And it's always been that way
    And that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube Kids app
    Anyway, um, I didn't realize it was my responsibility
    To decide what was appropriate for every kid to see
    I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable
    With their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows
    Now, have I made some jokes in poor taste? Yes
    Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? Yes
    Am I sad that there's some fans that feel betrayed? Yes
    But was my intention to manipulate? No
    [Spoken]
    It doesn't really matter what my intention was
    'Cause it seems as though everyone's already decided on that
    Let me tell you, it's not very fun to have millions of people all over the world
    Call you the most vile, horrendous, disgusting, life-ruining words
    That a person can be called, in my opinion
    Um, it doesn't matter that these things aren't true
    Uh, everyone just believes that you are the type of person who manipulates and abuses children
    So, I just wanted to say that, um
    The only thing that I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats
    I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser
    [Verse 6]
    Who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans
    And I'm not a predator even though a lot of you think so
    Because 5 years ago, I made a fart joke
    So, even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me
    I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little
    And take accountability
    And I also wanted to say that
    To anyone out there who has ever supported me in any capacity
    [Spoken]
    I really, really appreciate you, thank you
    For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions
    But I do feel like shit
    [Chorus]
    The toxic gossip train
    Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
    Toxic gossip train
    You got a one way ticket to manipulation station
    Toxic gossip train
    You tied me to the tracks and harassed me for my past
    Rumors look like facts when you don't mind the gaps
    I won't survive in the crash, but hey
    Hope you had some fun
    [Spoken]
    Actually, y'know, I feel like maybe I should let you guys know something, um
    Seems like, maybe you're confused about something? I don't know
    Let me try to help, um
    [Outro]
    Sometimes people make a mistake and it doesn't make them a horrible person, whoa
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and they're still a good person
    Crazy, I know
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and you don't have to take that mistake, oh no
    And twist it up, and grind it, and add some lies to it, and pulverize it
    And stab it with knives, and ruin a life, and, oh no
    Sometimes people can make a mistake, it doesn't mean you gotta send them hate, oh no
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and you can kindly let them know, and help them to grow
    Sometimes people make mistakes, simply because they made a mistake?
    And that mistake doesn't make them a terrible human
    It just makes them a human
    [Spoken]
    But what do I know?
    Fuck me, right?