Breaking Bad

Walter White plane crash school speech

Walter White is given mic to make a speech while the school is gathered to honor the victims of a terrible plane accident he indirectly caused. He knows his role and is trying to mitigate the innocent lives he’s killed.

" I guess what I would want to say is to look on the bright side. First of all, nobody on the ground was killed, and that–I mean, an incident like this over a populated urban center–that right there, that's–that's just gotta be some minor miracle, so... Plus, neither plane was full. You know, the–the 737 was–was what? Maybe two-thirds full, I believe? Right, yes? Or maybe even three-quarters full. On any rate, what you're left with casualty-wise is just the 50th-worst air disaster. Actually, tied for 50th. There are, in truth, 53 crashes throughout history that are just as bad or worse. Tenerife? Has–has anybody–anybody heard of Tenerife? No? In 1977, two fully-loaded 747s crashed into each other on Tenerife. Does anybody know how big a 747 is? I mean, it's way bigger than a 737, and we're talking about two of them. Nearly 600 people died from Tenerife. But do any of you even remember it at all? Any of you? I doubt it. You know why? It's because people move on. They just move on. And we will, too. We will move on and we will get past this. Because that is what human beings do, we survive. And, uh... we survive, and we–we overcome. We survive. We survive, and..."

Walter and Skyler sex scene

The pasta is referring to a sex scene of Walter and Skyler in Breaking Bad S4E5.

Even though, there's so much porn on the Internet, there's something about the passionate kissing and thrusting between them that turned me on in a way that normal porn doesn't. And just hearing the passion and drive whilst they were clawing at each other and thrusting in a deep sense of lust was entrancing. I tried finding the scene or the episode for free online by some sketchy website but I couldn't find it so I waited for no one to be home and I logged onto my dad's Netflix account on the TV and filmed the scene on my phone. I then fast forwarded it to the end of the episode so it didn't appear on continue watching. Finally, I sat on the toilet and tugged it out with one hand and used the other hand to press replay on the video. I turned the audio to the max since no one was home. This is all 100% true. I'm only posting my confession in the hope that everyone on r/okbuddychicanery ignores it because it's too wordy and it gets lost on the subreddit. It feels great to get this off my chest. If you've done something similar please let me know so I don't feel weird and if you haven't then just ignore this please. Also it will be funny af if the mods remove this but I've seen worse on this subreddit.

Chicanery

From the show Better Call Saul where Chuck had a breakdown accusing Jimmy of being a crooked lawyer in an effort to prove he’s not crazy.

The scene is iconic because its the culmination of of Chuck’s jealousy and disdain towards his brother Jimmy shown to everyone.

I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just – I just couldn't prove it. He – he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you – you have to stop him! You-

I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers! I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He - he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you - you have to stop him!

Emojified

I 👉🤵am not🚫 crazy!🤪😵‍💫 I know he💁 swapped📝 those numbers!🔢 I knew💡 it was 1216. One after Magna🧲 Carta🛒. As if I could❄️ ever🌲 make⚒️ such a mistake👶. Never🚫. Never🚫‼️! I just ⚖️– I just couldn't🚫⚖️ prove 👨‍🍳it. He👨‍❤️‍👨 – he covered🙈 his tracks🛤️, he got💲 that idiot🤓 at the copy👮 shop🛍️ to lie🤥 for him🙋‍♂️. You🫵 think🤔 this🤐 is something🤠? You🫵 think🧠 this😵‍💫 is bad😎? This🙃? This chicanery🐔? He's👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 done worse🤬. That🤏 billboard🧾🛹! Are🏟️ you🦡 telling🏧 me🧘‍♀️ that a🅰️ man🦸‍♂️ just👨‍⚖️ happens🌞 to👨‍🔧 fall🍁 like👍 that🍠? No🙅‍♂️! He😻 orchestrated🎻 it! Jimmy⚖️! He💆‍♂️ defecated💩 through💘 a🇦🇷 sunroof🌞🛋️! And🇦🇩 I🥇 saved🆘 him🙋! And🎭 I😜 shouldn't⛔ have👅. I✨ took📐 him👋 into🥴 my🧜 own🦉 firm🔥! What🤷‍♂️ was🦟 I🏴‍☠️ thinking💭? He'll🙉 never🙅‍♂️ change💰. He'll🙉 never🙅‍♂️ change💰! Ever🥂 since🐛 he🥰 was🦟 9🕘, always🐊 the🌡️ same🥪! Couldn't🧊 keep🎹 his🐍 hands👬 out⛺ of📴 the🥾 cash💵💵💵 drawer✍️! But🍑 not🪢 our☺️ Jimmy😻! Couldn't⏲️ be🐝 precious👼 Jimmy🤗! Stealing🤖 them🍿 blind👨‍🦯! And🇪🇦 he👂 gets🙆 to🦶 be🐞 a🏹 lawyer👮‍♂️!? What🐋 a📲 sick🤢🦠 joke🤣🃏! I✊ should've🗣️ stopped🚦 him🏯 when⚙️ I🎈 had🎣 the👨‍⚕️ chance♣️! And🐐 you🫵 – you🫵 have😏 to2️⃣ stop⏱️ him🇳🇵!

With F-bomb

I AM NOT FUCKING CRAZY! I am not fucking crazy! I know he fucking swapped those numbers! I fucking knew it was 1216. One after fucking Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a fucking mistake. Never. Never! I just – I just couldn't fucking prove it. He – he fucking covered his tracks, he got that fucking idiot at the fucking copy shop to fucking lie for him. You fucking think this is something? You think this is fucking bad? This? This fucking chicanery? He's done worse. That fucking billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fucking fall like that? No! He fucking orchestrated it! Jimmy! He fucking defecated through a fucking sunroof! And I fucking saved him! And I fucking shouldn't have. I took him into my own fucking firm! What was I fucking thinking? He'll never fucking change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the fucking same! Couldn't keep his fucking hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious fucking Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer!? What a sick fucking joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you – you have to stop him! You-

IS THAT A BREAKING BAD REFERENCE?!⚗🧪⚗🧪👨‍🔬

IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING BREAKING BAD⚗🧪⚗🧪👨‍🔬👨‍🔬 REFERENCE?!?!?! JESSE PINKMAN!🥶 JESSE PINKMAN!🥶 JESSE PINKMAN!🥶 JESSE PINKMAN!🥶 JESSE PINKMAN!🥶 WALTER HAS LUNG CANCER 🫁🎗🥺🥺😱😱😭😭 WALTER HAS LUNG CANCER 🫁🎗🥺🥺😱😱😭😭 WALTER HAS LUNG CANCER 🫁🎗🥺🥺😱😱😭😭 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽 TUCO🇲🇽. BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸💸💵💵💵 💸💵💵💵 BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸💸💵💵💵 BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸💸💵💵💵 BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸💸💵💵💵 BIG CASH MONEY💰💰💰💸💸💸💵💵💵 METHAMPHETAMINE ⚗⚗🧪 METHAMPHETAMINE ⚗⚗🧪 METHAMPHETAMINE ⚗⚗🧪 METHAMPHETAMINE ⚗⚗🧪 METHAMPHETAMINE ⚗⚗🧪 DEA 🚔 DEA 🚔 DEA 🚔 DEA 🚔 DEA 🚔 DEA 🚔

‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING BREAKING BAD REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 BREAKING BAD IS THE BEST FUCKING SHOW 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 WALTER WHITE IS SO BADASSSSS 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊👊👊👊 JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH JESSEH 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩 BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH BETCH 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKK Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞Better Call Saul! 📞 Welcome to the Los Pollos Hermanos family🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓You can call me Gus‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂

‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING BREAKING BAD REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 WALTUH WHITE IS SO FUCKIGN COOL🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 🪨🪨 JESUS MARIE THEYRE MINERALS 🪨🪨 ⚗️⚗️YOU BOUGHT A METH LAB TO AN AIRPORT? ✈️ ✈️ OH ROOF PIZZA 🍕 ROOF PIZZA 🍕 ROOF PIZZA 🍕 ROOF PIZZA 🍕 🍕 ❗️I AM THE DANGER ❗️ I AM THE DANGER ❗️ I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS 🚪 ❗️Say my name! 🗣Say my name! 🗣❓ ❓ Say my name! 🗣Say my name! 🗣 Say my name! 🗣 Say! My name! 🗣 Saaaay my name 🗣 Youre the smaryerst guy i ever met..... 🧠 but ur too stopid to realize.. the exact moment when walt whitman became woodrow wilson. OXYMANDIAD IS THE GREATEST EPISODE OF TEVELSION 📺 📺 👑 HANDS 🙌 DOWN⬇️. WE TRIED TO POISON ☠️ YOU, BECASE YOURE AN INSANE, DEGENRATE PEICE OF FILTH, AND YOU DESERVE TO DIE. WALT JR ASK FOR BREAKFAST HAHAHAH 🤣😂🤣🥲😂🤣😂😅😂😂🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🙂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤠🤠🤠👽👽😹😹😹. r/breakingbad r/bettercallsaul r/okbuddychicanery r/unexpected r/expectedthanos for balance r/sounding
61

I saw Aaron Paul at an unemployment office in Los Angeles

Started from a comment on Reddit parodying the “Flying Lotus at a grocery store in LA” story but changed to fit the Xbox One: Aaron Paul ad.

I saw Aaron Paul at an unemployment office in Los Angeles yesterday. I noticed him but didn’t want to bother him. He obviously saw me because he came up to me. He said, “Please let me give you an autograph, yo, bitch. Please respond.” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “Please respond. Please respond. Xbox, please respond. Bitch.” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my day, and I heard him crying as I walked off. When I came to apply up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen job applications in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be busy and read scripts, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the forms and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually because “I just wish I had more time to play,” and then turned around and cried at me. I don’t even think that’s a career. After she scanned each form and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by saying “Xbox turn on” really loudly.

My brother hates that I go to Cornell.

Origin

The copypasta started from r/Cornell but had since been deleted. It’s actually a referenced to the Chincanery copypasta or more specifically the siblings relationship between Chuck and Jimmy McGill from Better Call Saul. In the show, Chuck is perpetually jealous of his younger brother Jimmy, who seemingly turned his life around and achieved success equal to him.

First of all, he graduated from Harvard Law School and works at a law firm. Like him, I am also seeking a law degree, but I’m at Cornell now. He hates that I’m graduating soon and he thinks the entire foundation of legal rule and the sanctity of law will be tarnished once I become a lawyer. To quote him directly, me being in law school is like “a chimp with a machine gun.” During our family Thanksgiving dinner today, he threw a tantrum in front of my family because he wanted to be the only lawyer. He wants to be the pride of the family. “Cornell University, for Christ’s sake?” He yelled at me as I asked my mom to pass the mashed potatoes. “What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am! And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer?” I used to work in the mail room in his law firm. He said he was proud of me then and wishes I never turned my life around. Every day, I think about dropping out and going back to my old job just to make him happy…

Template version

First of all, he graduated from <School> Law School and works at a law firm. Like him, I am also seeking a law degree, but I’m at <School> now. He hates that I’m graduating soon and he thinks the entire foundation of legal rule and the sanctity of law will be tarnished once I become a lawyer. To quote him directly, me being in law school is like “a chimp with a machine gun.” During our family Thanksgiving dinner today, he threw a tantrum in front of my family because he wanted to be the only lawyer. He wants to be the pride of the family. “<School> University, for Christ’s sake?” He yelled at me as I asked my mom to pass the mashed potatoes. “What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am! And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer?” I used to work in the mail room in his law firm. He said he was proud of me then and wishes I never turned my life around. Every day, I think about dropping out and going back to my old job just to make him happy…