I was in school right? Its 3rd period, english (or as i like to call it LAME period😂) and my teacher tries starting the lession. I shouted "SUS!" At the top of my lungs and looked around the classroom to see if anybody was laughing. My teacher looked at me a frowned like i was an idiot. I didnt let him mog me though. I saw my crush Bethany sitting on the complete opposite side of the room from me, i winked and her and did my best troll face impression. She looked at me for a second like she was confused and then looked down at her desk. I guess she's a normie lol. I knew that since she didnt get my first joke i'd do a fortnite reference, so i jumped out of my desk while the teacher was mid lesson and i started flossing infront of the whole class. I screamed "THE TEACHER IS THE IMPOSTER" and "I have african children locked in my basement" as a joke but nobody laughed and my teacher looked shocked. I got sent to the principals office and told the principal i wasnt racist and i dont have african children in my basement, it was just a meme. Of course the principal is too old to understand so i thought of a joke that he'd get.
I ran out of the principals office and started screaming "BOMB! I PUT A BOMB IN THE CAFETERIA GUYS HAHA" Immediately 911 was called and bomb squad showed upto my school. I was put in handcuffs and escorted to a police car. I told the cops "don't worry guys its ok im white" (like the filthy frank reference) but they didn't the joke and now everyone thinks im racist and a threat to SUSciety
AITA?
I'm (14M) really straight and I've always wanted to befriend females, but the problem with females is that they are annoying and manipulative, they cry all the time and say that you're not good enough while they do nothing to improve themselves. I think men are much more better than females and that we should handle things. We're prettier and more talented and stronger and a lot smarter than them and we don't let emotions take over us. I was talking about this one day with my friend (15F) who thinks exactly like me and he agreed with me that men are the best and then he took off my pants and told me my penis is praiseworthy for a man. I did the same thing to him and then he asked me if I want to feel in my mouth how manly he is so I did it and we switched the roles. It was amazing to see how strong men are together and how much better we are than females. It should be noted that I am a homophobe and what we did wasn't homosexual but was men's empowerment. Am I the asshole?
Title pretty much says it all. What do you good bros of reddit think - AITA?
She (25 f) is being very ungrateful and hostile even though I (29 M) am letting her live with me RENT FREE since she lost her job. She worked with me at the Verizon store but has since then started doing cam work, reading feminist literature, and following religious blogs. She's also on Instagram a lot, and I saw her watching Gilmore Girls on her iphone XR the other day. I think one or all of these media are influencing her to feel entitled even though I'm letting her stay here stay RENT FREE.
Edit 1: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
Edit 2: Wow 10k updoots. This is my highest updooted post now.
Edit 3: Thanks guys. I can't see what I did wrong either. She's just really entitled, I think.
Edit 4: A few of you asked for a bit more context. NO, there is no "intermediate cause and effect sequence" between when I allowed her to stay vs when she became ungrateful. I let her live with me RENT FREE, she started watching Gilmore Girls, and now she's claiming I'm the asshole. There's nothing else to say.
Edit 6: Thanks for the platinum kind stranger!
Edit 7: No, I didn't ask why she's upset. I'm letting her live with me RENT FREE and I don't owe her anything.. She's just entitled as many younger women are.
Edit 8: No, nothing could have "set her off" or "alarmed" her. I'm really quiet and she's a heavy sleeper.
Edit 9: Bros I don't know what to do she's leaving oh god.
Edit 10: Sorry, the last edit should have been Edit 9.
Edit 11: Wait I forgot I could change the edit numbers in an edit.
Edit 12: Ignore the last two edits.
Edit 13: Wait ignore that last edit and this one too.
Edit 14: I tried telling her Reddit said I'm not the asshole she's still going away bros this is so scary.
Edit 15: Okay so AGAIN, she's a really heavy sleeper so I don’t know what could have triggered her :( Only thing that comes to mind is about a week ago when I asked if I could sniff her asshole after she relieved herself, but nothing that would explain why she'd be ungrateful since I'm letting her live here RENT FREE.
Edit 16: wow 20K updoots
AITA for accidentally pushing classmate by trying to tackle school shooter?
So I was in English class when I noticed the quiet kid starting to sweat a lot, whispering to himself and get all fidgety. Now I'm no psychiatrist, but I swear I got a vision of him getting a gun and opening fire right there in the classroom, kind of like that one movie where they all die in the end. So I start paying close attention to him.
15 minutes go by, and what do you know, he reaches for his bag and pulls out a gun. Before he even gets the chance of firing the first bullet, I rush to tackle him. I honestly wasn't thinking straight. Looking back, I guess I just didn't want anyone to be killed or something, I couldn't stand losing anyone of my classmates.
The problem was, I accidentally slightly pushed back an innocent classmate who was in between the shooter and me by trying to tackle the shooter. I instantly felt bad but kept the plan of bringing the shooter to the ground before he could kill anyone.
Even though I succeeded in disarming him, I still felt bad. When everyone was thanking me and chanting my name while the cops arrested the shooter, all I could think of was how I accidentally pushed him. I told my volunteering group and the burned victims at the hospital I visit every single day and they all agree I did nothing wrong. I even spoke with the HIV kids after dressing like Spiderman and giving them toys and they agreed I did nothing wrong.
I spoke to him 3 days later after clearing my mind a little bit and he said, "Are you kidding me? You saved my life! I can't believe you feel bad about it. We all owe you, especially me after you revived my dad with CPR last year. I barely felt the hit".
I'm just confused... AITA?
I (22M, big dick, dropshipping got me an 8 figure salary, fucking hate cats) recently allowed my cousin Jennifer (30F, breeder, ultra religious, unmarried) to move in with me after she was temporarily laid off (Starbucks).
This morning after I rolled out of bed and kissed my gf and her sister (25F, twins, DDD tits that I paid for, I like the sister more), I asked my chef Lucas (idk M, hot, gay) to whip up some eggs for us (scrambled, shredded cheese on top) and we were called to breakfast when it was ready (7:30am EST). My cousin trudged down the stairs and slopped her child-bearing belly baking her future crotch goblin onto the counter (Calcutta marble) as she sat down (I think I heard my Bistro 31” Swivel Bar Stool crack, should I sue?)
I politely asked if she was hungry, to which she snorted, licked her chops, and practically came as she said yes. Lucas scooped a couple spoonfuls of egg onto her plate (Le Frenchies Dessert Plates, gift from daddy) and poured her a hot cup of coffee (Haviland Brandenburg Gold Tea Set from Neiman Marcus, also a gift from daddy). She shoveled the eggs into her cakehole and asked who made breakfast while she waddled over to the pan (nonstick) to get more. I replied “Lucas”, to which she immediately started SCREECHING like a fucking banshee about how she didn’t want a insert bad word for gay touching her food. I grabbed a cup of water (Brita filtered) and used it to douse the fiery demon spewing hatred in my kitchen and immediately kicked her out.
My phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max, got it early) has been blowing up all day. AITA? :/
Edit: wow this blew up, don’t upvote Jennifer might see it, also the baby is mine, incest karma please?
I'd like to preface this by saying that it was in NO WAY my fault. The ground was slippery, and the railing on that bridge are too short. Anyways, what happened was while I was crossing a bridge, a family asked if I could take a group photo for them. I leaned back against the railing to fit them all in the frame, but I must of went too far back because I lost my balance and fell into the river! I'm not really good at swimming, so the best I could do was tread water as the current carried me down the river. Luckily, the city had just bought a new rescue helicopter and they were able to prepare the lifeline, lower the stretcher, and make the rescue. My wife is mad for "ruining our vacation" and a man from the fire department scolded me for "wasting first responder resources with my carelessness." It's not like I WANTED to fall into the river, and besides, isn't that what they are there for? AITA?
