I(69M, heterosexual) last night(10/24/21 11:12 PM) got consent(verbal) from your mom(420F) to have sexual intercourse(hetero), but you(42069M) got very angry(blood pressure 100/140) and yelled(80 decibels) at me. Am I the asshole?
Am I The Asshole for dropping my 6 year old off at an orphanage for his inability to Minecraft pvp?
This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his cartoons with beginner pvp youtube videos and Dream's Manhunt series. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Sweatgod's videos playing while he is sleeping and only having Bloje on the TV to try and make him understand the community. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a sword and a rod even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to pvp the best by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at minecraft pvp check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
So I (39M) got told by someone on the internet (youtube.com) to do my mom (79F) so I (39M) decided to proceed with it. First, I (39M) proceeded to give my mom (79F) comfort and just generally talked with her (romantically). After the relationship got better, I let her (79F) make the first move, then I rubbed her vagina (to masturbate her) then I (39M) slipped in between her (79F) lips (face) and rubbed her (79F) inner labia (vagina). I had dreams about having sex with my mom (79F) for a long time (5 years) actually. I always call her (79F) 'darling' and 'dear' (romantically) and I think my mom (79F) is my 'guilty pleasure waifu'.
So, am I (39M) the asshole?
Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull
So before I (100M) say anything at all, I (100M) am not the asshole and I (100M) will not tolerate any form of criticism and/or condemnation. I (100M) also will not tolerate downvoting me just for the sake of being the OP. With that said, I (100M) have these voices in my head (Immortal) and they don't stop. They tell me about how their immortality will haunt me (100M) for the rest of my life. Forgot to mention that I'm 100 and male, so I don't have much time left anyway. The voices said I (100M) must do whatever they (Immortal) tell me to do. They said that I had to fuck every single women on earth. I only got to 20, so I was enraged obviously. I went inside a daycare with a Nerf Gun, who I affectionally call (Attractive Rifle, 15F), or AR15 for short. I start blasting the little foam bullets every where and the kids (3M, 3F, 4M, 4F) came on me and busted my fucking skull open. As it turns out, that wasn't even a daycare. It was a home full of midgets and they were psychopaths and this copypasta is unfunny as fuck. So I ran the midgets over, shot my neighbor's dog, stole the dog's car, went to Washington DC and defecated all over the Rose Garden. AITA? I know I'm not, but it's worth a shot. I need an ego boost anyway.
I (M49) beat my wife (F14) the other day when she said Big Chungus wasn't that funny. I was watching big Chungus porn on reddit (wholesome 100) when my wife came in, begging to be released from my basement. I laughed in her face and told her no. Then I kept fapping to Chungus porn. She asked what I was watching, and I was in shock. How could this bitch not know what Big Chungus is? I got out the drawing board and explained all about Chungus lore. I showed her some Big Chungus memes and I started laughing hysterically at them. She looked weirded out and said Big Chungus wasn't that funny. Shock came over me. What was this bitch saying? I quickly lunged at her, impaling my fist into her face, breaking her nose and eye sockets. She screamed and howled in pain and cried. I kept beating her and yelling that Big Chungus was funny and if she didn't laugh at it I'd torture her in my dungeon. She screamed and cried until I knocked her out. I tied her to a chair in a soundproof room and locked the door. Now I sit here wondering, am I the asshole for doing that?