Scrum Master
byu/Tino_Kort incopypasta
Written by u/Tino_Kort, its the Navy Seal copypasta but changed to Scrum Master context.
What the in the name of Atlassian did you just fucking say about me, you little Trello boy? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at the University of Scrum Masters, and I've been involved in numerous secret boards within the SCEE, and I have over 300 confirmed sprints. I am trained in agile software development and I'm the top scrum master in the entire tech market. You are nothing to me but just another bottleneck. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, Trello baby. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of scrum masters across the entire flat earth and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the stand-up meetings, backlog bumpkin. The stand-up meetings that wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your project. You're fucking un-committed to github, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my post-it notes and passive aggressive emails. Not only am I extensively trained in technical debt, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Activision-Blizzard and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face off JIRA, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price of daily 9 AM standup meetings, you goddamn idiot. I will shit burndown charts all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking shelved, kiddo.