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I saw Donald Trump at a grocery store in D.C. yesterday.

    I saw Donald Trump at a grocery store in D.C yesterday.

I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

After paying for the Milky Ways he proceeded to leave the store and throw all of them in the garbage. Haven't seen him since.

    True Patriotism

      Bruh I'm so patriotic, I piss red, white, and blue. My doctor said it may be pancreatic cancer. I told him to shut his COMMIE mouth

      If u suck your own dick while you turn 18, it is considered illegal due to gravitational time dilation?

        NSFW?? Ok hear me out. Due to gravitation time dilation, your upper body is technically older then your lower body due to Gravitational Time Dilation. Gravitational Time Dilation the effect gravity has on time. The lower the gravitational potential, the faster time is. Knowing this, because your dick has more gravitational potential then your head, your head is older then your dick (by like less then a millionth of a nanosecond but that doesn’t matter). So if you were sucking your own dick while you turned 18, your head would age first. This means your 18 year old head would be sucking you 17 year old dick. Thank you for listening to my TED Talk

        Fucking gunshots interrupted my masturbation

          Fucking gunshots interrupted my masturbation.

So there I was. Under my bedsheets comfortable and I had some 3.9 star hentai on and then suddenly, I just hear 6 shots.

Now, at first I just thought they were fireworks because its nearing the fourth of July. So I just kept on wanking but as soon as I was near the end if my session, I hear 3 more REALLY loud shots causing my erection to dissapear.

Now, at this point I was just pissed off because some random guy just happened to launch fireworks mid-nut. So I look out my window and see some dude runnin with a gun in his hand and another man running away from him.

Needless to say, I noped my ass back to bed and am trying to get another erection.

TLDR; Fucking guns ruined my hentai

          The simp sword

            ║\

║▒\

║▒▒\

║░▒║

║░▒║

║░▒║with this blade

║░▒║I cut those who

║░▒║disrespect

║░▒║Pokimane

║░▒║

║░▒║

▓▓▓▓

[█▓]

[█▓]

[█▓]

[█▓]

            Asking for a friend

              Is there a sexuality for people who’re only attracted to 2d anime girls with fat tiddies? Ever since I’ve been a young lad, I’ve been revolted by the sight of real-life women, but Japanese cartoon characters have really done the trick for me. Every Friday night since 2009 I’ve dressed up in traditional Japanese clothing and swung around a sword for hours, honing my katana skills - preparing for the day that I move to Japan and become Hokage. Am I alone? If not, what’s it officially called? I thought “hentaisexual” might work but that sounds kinda retarded to me the more I think about it.