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My favourite memory from school

    Every day, right after the pledge of allegiance and before the morning announcements, teacher would have us line up single-file clockwise around the room so we each got a fair chance to threaten to murder her with our guns. If you forgot your handgun at home that day, or your mom forgot to pack it for you, you didn’t get to threaten teacher’s life and instead had to clean out the chalkboard erasers while watching your friends and peers shove weapons in your teacher’s face. That was the worst, when mom would forget to pack my gun, because I hated cleaning those erasers. They always irritated my sinuses.

    Found in r/Dreams:

      I had a dream where, no joke, there where two sequels to “The Bee Movie”

The second was a legitimately amazing movie about Barry B. Benson growing up to be a father and dealing with the complexity of raising two children, who had grown emotionally distant and slowly working to empathize and understand his children more and to stop being an emotionally abusive father. Slowly coming to accept and develop from his internalized homophobia. It won 2 Oscars.

The third was some cheese spy comedy as bad as the first movie, where the F.Bee.I. recruit Barry to sort out an international terror agency of wasps lead by Osama Bee Lardin.

      every young adult novel ever

        Sylla Fairchild combs her long, dark hair as she looks into the mirror. A dirty, broken piece of glass that was once a mirror anyway. This isn’t like her. Since when has Sylla cared what her hair looked like? It’s always been as wild as she is. And for all her sixteen years she’s preferred books and building bots to all else. But this time she has to go. This time it matters.

The Debut may be her only chance to escape her genus, to get out of these tunnels. The right suitor could indeed wisp her away from this place, taking her with him off to one of his estates in the ocean or cloud cities. Then she scoffs. Sylla being courted by one of the Brahmins? She hasn’t even ascended yet, and her only benefaction seems to be invisibility to boys.

Sylla gets up, meaning to go tell her parents that she has no intention of attending the Debut.

“But the possibilities if she’s selected!” her father speaks. Jakeb Fairchild has always been a firebrand, constantly ranting against the Brahmin and the Realignment. He’s been beaten, arrested, and Sylla was sure one day one he’d be killed. She loves and hates him for that. She loves his courage, and hates that sometimes it seems he cares more about his politics than he does his family.

Sylla stops where she is. “Oh, Jakeb,” her mother speaks wearily. “Sylla is many things… but the type a Brahmin would peck from the tunnels as a trophy to be waltzed up top? That’s not our girl.”

Sylla’s face turns red. She knows she’s not the most beautiful girl of her genus, but to hear it from her own mother hurts. She’s angry with herself too; angry that such a simple truth spoken without malice could cut so deep. She turns back around and climbs into her cube. She opens her desk drawer and locates a pair of long-neglected scissors. She picks up the same piece of broken and glass and begins clipping away at wild and weyward strands of hair.

She can do this. All she has to do is win the heart of a Brahmin and blow up the system from the inside. One way or the other, Sylla promises herself that she’ll never spend another night in these tunnels.

        Written in response to a furry comic on a video game subreddit.

          I have viewed various pieces of hardcore gay pornographic material, yet none of them have been as gay as this fucking image. You have taken something normal and respectable, and have shat all over it with your furry, “owospeak” garbage. This makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I have purchased 500 gallons of nitric acid in order to disintegrate me and everything I own because of this image. I am willing to bet my life savings you are not allowed anywhere near a preschool. Fuck.

          Mainstream reddit memes in a nutshell

            When the school shooter comes for you but then the autistic kid communist Jew says reddit moment 420 69 and everyone says nice and it’s wholesome 100 Keane Reeves bob ross Steve Irwin Stefan Karl stefanson but then the Instagram normies say that tik Tok and fortnite are good and they like kpop so you beat them to death and then play minecraft but then 2020 has cornea virus and world war 3 and bushfires and flood because boomers are bad but then it’s your cake day and everyone needs to give you upvoted but no one gives you upvoted and you have no friends so you ask out your crush with baby yoda because baby yoda is wholesome but she says no but you then you sneak 100 and destruction 100 stonks and your post gets more than 7 upvoted and it gets to hot but someone is using light mode and they don’t sort by new or downvote ads so you kill them but then you realise that they hate cardi b and rap music but they like dubstep and anime music so you press F to pay respect and 69 other fellow redditors upvote you and then joker falls down the at airs and gets hit by a car and the feminists get triggered because you say that joker is now a girl because she has long hair and you hit a girl because equal rights equal fights and you post it in your sjw and triggered feminist freak out and getting rekt compilation v47 tumblr edition and then you post it in YouTube because Disney is bad but you buy Disney plus so you can see baby yoda and then you buy a baby yoda funko pop but then you see that there is life sized baby yoda so you waste your college funds on it but you blame it on the boomers because they made everything hard for you and the world is gonna end in 2030 because of global warming so you joking Greta thunberg and she ok boomers trump but then trump starts ww3 with Iran and you’re gonna get drafted so you John the Area 51 raid to be safe but then the HK protestors need your help you post Fuck China in reddit and the Chinese government stops oppressing them because reddit is epic and we always solve problems by posting about them, just like how we solved global warming and destruction 100d Nestle but then the you eat with a plastic straw and every redditor downvoted you but then they realise that Elon musk will turn 69 on 4/20/69 so they say Nice abdnmakebit national nice day but then a cyber truck crashes into a building because you realised that the date is actually 9/11 so you subscribe to pewdiepie and tell the gamers to rise up but then the mobile gamers rise up so you start to beat them but then they play minecraft so it’s ok but then they also have fornite so you kill all of them because you’re all mad lads and your all mans if sheer fucking will and you donate to team trees to celeberate but it’s ended already but you make happiness noises because they reached 20 million but then you go on a crusade to take back to holy lands and then you get Bf Chungus and Ugandan buckles to join you but then the doctors see apples and they get scared so you get pewdiepies legs and he rates you big pp but then the quiet kid reaches for his bag but he accidentally takes Ahmed’s bag and then they bomb Japan and Pearl harbour and then your dad comes back 15 minutes later with the milk and he signs the divorce paper with your mom and they argue over who gets custody over you because neither of them want you and you’re the reason for their divorce but then Danny Doritos and shrek come rescue you and they take care of you and you get to browse reddit all day and it’s a happy wholesome 100 ending and then you post something on reddit and it gets a silver, gold and platinum but then a normie uses emojis in the comments so you call the emoji police and they get arrested epic style and then keena reaves comes and says wow that was a wholesome 100 moment and he says that you get what you fucking deserve and he calls you breathtaking and you realise he just did a speech 100 destruction 100 because that’s what heroes do but your normie friend double taps on a post and asks what’s so good about it so you say that you wouldn’t get it but then somebody reposts your meme and it gets to hot so you tell the reddit gang and they all downvote the post but then the teacher tells everybody to stay calm because the school is on fire and then the kid named calm does the funny mike wazowski face and you make into a meme on reddit but then the Alabama kid gets his sister pregnant and a kid says that he think Keane reeves isn’t wholesome and that minecraft isn’t good and that fortnite is better so you and your epic reddit hang send him death threats as a punishment for not being wholesome but then there’s baby yoda butbevwyone forgets about baby scooby and baby peanut and baby spongebob and bbaby gary and the Americans measure in football fields per hamburger because America is dumb and the floor is made out of floor and a minute passes in Africa and this is a tree because of the way it is and it’s illegal to be a criminal in Sweden and then pewdipie makes Swedish meatballs for everyone but then the fire alarm goes off and the special ed kids start dancing and then the people in the drug commercials are happy and the Oompa Loompas are dancing because a kid died and a footballer fell down so the cheerleaders are also dancing but then you do something that scares Satan and then somebody says we so it’s now communist 100 and all of the epic redditors are depressed and have no friends but that’s what makes us epic redditors but then you accidentally step on your dogs tail and he won’t forgive you but he’s a good boy and your cat is a floofe and a chonker but then you remember that vegans are bad and mark zucceberg is a lizard and then you teach the parrots at the pets store and little kids to say the n word and the f word and you run away and then the girls locker rooms are stupid and boring but the boys locker rooms are funny and quirky and then guacamole nibba penis and the teacher has HIV and the girl with all A+ starts panicking and then the guy in the maths book buys 42069 watermelons and then there's boomer memes and millenial memes but gen z memes are the wackiest and stonks and helth and myoosic and then everyone liked that and then you shit in the school toilets

            If being goth is a crime…

              If being goth is a crime then arrest me for the murder of 3 people please god someone stop me this isn't a joke this is a literal cry for help please make the voices stop they keep asking me for more and more and I just want it all to go away sweet jesus help me