Masturbation is a sport.
According to Oxford Dictionary, a sport is defined as “an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment."
Masturbation:
• involves physical exertion
• involves skill
• is entertaining
• involves individuals and groups that can compete against each other
Therefore, using this criteria, beating your meat is objectively a sport.
This past weekend my son had his girlfriend over for dinner and I was having a really hard time keeping my eyes off her. she really is a very attractive young lady. She was wearing black leggings that were so tight that they left little to the imagination. I could clearly see her thong line through them and her small camel toe. I could not stop thinking about how that shaved pussy must taste. After dinner I went into my office and put on some porn and found a woman that resembled her and got a fist full of lube and jerked off and blew a massive load into a wad of tissueYOU’RE 🌥️ SO SUSSY 😓😓🙊😨😳🎵 I 😀 KNOW 💭 YOU 👈 TOOK 👫 MY 😏 FORTNITE 🎮 CARD 🃏🃏 I 🍾 KNOW 🤔 YOU 🤖 TOOK 🤯 MY 😘 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💲 FORTNITE 💩 CARD 💳 GIVE 🚪🌌🍸 ME 👈 MY 👨😣 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💰 FORTNITE 💩 CARD 💳😑 YOU 👈😭 BETTER 🎰 GIVE 👹 ME 👩💡 MY 🥳 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💸 FORTNITE 👌🎮 CARD 🗃 I 👹 NEED 📲 MY 🔑 19 ♈ DOLLAR 💵 FORTNITE 👌🎮 CARD, 💳 NOW! 📅
I was in school right? Its 3rd period, english (or as i like to call it LAME period😂) and my teacher tries starting the lession. I shouted "SUS!" At the top of my lungs and looked around the classroom to see if anybody was laughing. My teacher looked at me a frowned like i was an idiot. I didnt let him mog me though. I saw my crush Bethany sitting on the complete opposite side of the room from me, i winked and her and did my best troll face impression. She looked at me for a second like she was confused and then looked down at her desk. I guess she's a normie lol. I knew that since she didnt get my first joke i'd do a fortnite reference, so i jumped out of my desk while the teacher was mid lesson and i started flossing infront of the whole class. I screamed "THE TEACHER IS THE IMPOSTER" and "I have african children locked in my basement" as a joke but nobody laughed and my teacher looked shocked. I got sent to the principals office and told the principal i wasnt racist and i dont have african children in my basement, it was just a meme. Of course the principal is too old to understand so i thought of a joke that he'd get.
I ran out of the principals office and started screaming "BOMB! I PUT A BOMB IN THE CAFETERIA GUYS HAHA" Immediately 911 was called and bomb squad showed upto my school. I was put in handcuffs and escorted to a police car. I told the cops "don't worry guys its ok im white" (like the filthy frank reference) but they didn't the joke and now everyone thinks im racist and a threat to SUSciety
AITA?
Long story short i got a part of my foreskin ripped off. Not much but enough. Currently in the ER.
Now long story: I was bored and couldn’t find a game to play and i was naked. So i walked up to the PS5 and did a mini squat, stretched my foreskin till about 5cm and put it in the disc drive.
At first it started sucking the disc (dick haha) for a few seconds and then it stopped briefly. I stood there and looked into my tv with great shame for those few seconds. Then the console beeped once and proceeded to suck in the bottom of my foreskin and it had torn it off. A little piece but enough to start the bleeding.
Now i’m currently in the ER getting my foreskin fixed, the culprit PS5 is still at home and i haven’t pressed charges. Never really told the doctors the truth either.
TL;DR: i got a part of my foreskin ripped off by a rather aggressive playstation. Currently in the ER.