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Every r/teenagers post

    Hey, my names Ryan.

I have autism, Alzheimer's, coronavirus, HIV, AIDS, a cleft lip, half of my brain, my parents are getting a divorce, my cat died, I lost my leg in an accident and I'm blind and deaf.

I just wanted to tell you to have a nice day!

    Dr. Doofenshmirtz came to America as a part of Operation Paperclip

      When I was rewatching Phineas and Ferb on Disney+, I came across a problem. How did the ocelot-raised villain become so wise in the ways of science? Heinz Doofenshmirtz was born in post-war Germany and it’s truly a miracle that he was able to make it out of Soviet occupied lands. Seeing as his parents were “abusive” one would be led to think that his parents would’ve turned him into the KGB. Well I believe there’s something going on behind the scenes.

We all know that post-WWII the US government brought over Nazi scientists to work on rockets. According to the Phineas and Ferb Wiki, Heinz was about 65(average as the show stated different ages) when the show began. Since the show takes place in 2008 it is safe to assume he was born in 1943, before the end of the war. This explains why his parents were not present at his birth, they were off defending their country.

Doofenshmirtz grew up in post war East-Germany in a town called Gimmelschtump. This is shown to be in Drusselstein, a state bordering the Baltic Sea. When he was around 6, his parents were so poor that Mr Doofenshmirtz(Heinz’s Father) had his gnome repossessed. They were so poor because the Soviets were oppressing their former enemies. From an early age Heinz’s parents saw his talent for science and did their best to keep the Soviet overlords from learning of him. When he reached 16 his parents saw an opportunity to save him and shipped him off to America. This allowed him to learn how to develop complex machines and come under the notice of OWCA. The Organization began keeping tabs on the Operation Paperclip scientists, just in case they still harbored Nazi sympathies. As we see later in the show, most villains fought by OWCA agents were scientists, many of whom were of Eastern European descent. Perhaps OWCA was the US government cleaning up their crimes and to do so they used agents who could never reveal the truth(hence the animals).

So this explains why the doctor found his way to America. But what isn’t addressed is how America found out about the Doofenshmirtzes. This can be addressed by simple inheritance. Heinz had to get his love of science from somewhere, his father. Mr. Doofenshmirtz spent years pushing Heinz away, hoping to spare him from the horrors of Hitler’s regime. Mr. Doofenshmirtz was most likely a high-ranking member of Hitler’s scientists. This explains why he always had people over for dinners and made Heinz stay outside. To keep him safe. Mr Doofenshmirtz, however; was still a fanatic and when his second, more desirable son was born, he willingly gave him to the state. This left Heinz to continue to feel dejected; which would make the separation much easier for both of them.

With this evidence I believe we can build a timeline. Once Hitler rises to power, Mr. Doofenshmirtz joins the party and rises in the ranks. Doofenshmirtz then perpetrates Kristallnacht and continues work.  Eventually he begins work on rockets and has a son. His son does not fit into what the party deems “pure” so he pretends to ostracize him while secretly teaching him science. The war ends and they find themselves under Soviet rule. In order to save him, Mr. Doofenshmirtz sends Heinz to the US. Heinz then begins work for NASA along with other German scientists. Operation Paperclip is shut down and the scientists begin independent work. The US establishes OWCA to keep watch over the scientists. From here Dr Doofenshmirtz believes his father to have hated him and vows revenge. Things play out until 2008 when the show begins.

This explains Dr. Doofenshmirtz's desire for conquest and parts of his inner anger. The US was all too happy to have another German scientist, especially one stolen from Soviet lands. We know from history that many other Nazis came to America. And many settled in the Tri-State Area, conveniently that is where Dr Doof lives as well. The evidence is too much for me to deny, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was certainly brought over as a part of Operation Paper Clip. He was only scrubbed from even the CIA's records due to his work with OWCA once the other Nazis were defeated.

      Dried cum is the hardest thing known to man.

        Due to extensive research done by the University of r/CummysCult dried cum has been confirmed as the hardest thing known to man. The research is as follows:

Pocket-protected scientists built a wall made of iron and crashed a dried drop of cum into it at 400 miles per hour, and the cum was unharmed. They then built a wall out of dried cum and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall of cum came out fine. They then crashed a dried cum car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a cum traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall made of metal into 400 miles an hour made of cum, and the resulting explosion shifted earths orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles an hour. They shot a cum made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 10000 wayward planes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with over 10000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at dried cum into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 cum per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles per iron, and the result proved with out a doubt that dried cum were the hardest thing of all time, if not just the hardest cum known to man.

[EDIT: Guys! Thank you so much! You guys made my day so much better with these 3k upvotes, I’m literally happier now :)]

        how 2 wash ur hands: a comprehensive guide

          How to 2️⃣ wash ur hands 😳👐

Step 1 - find 🔍 sink 💦💦

Step 2 - turn 🔁 tap on ✅

Step 3 - Put hands 👐 under ⬇️ Water 👐💦💦

Step 4 - Put soap 🧽🧼 on wet 😳💦 hands 👐

Step 5 - Rub 👌 hands together 👐

Step 6 - Make sure 👌 to scrub 🧽 all over hands 👐

Step 7 - Wash soap 🧼💦🧽 off hands 👐

Step 8️⃣ - Turn tap 💦🚿 off 😔

Step 9 - Dry 🚬🏝 hands 👐 with paper 📝 towels ( don’t use 😳😳 hand dryers 🤢🤢🤢)

Step 10 - be 🐝👐 disease free 👨‍⚕️👩‍🍳🧈

          the entire transcript of “Killer Bean Forever (2009)”

            The only thing left is sending it to your friends.
            Open
            Yeah? Can you turn down the music. What? Can you turn down the music! I'm trying to get some sleep here! Turn down the music? How's that! How's that. Is that much better? Turn down your damn music, or I'll come over there and turn it down myself! All right, sucker. You come down here, we can dance. Hello? Hello? Bitch! When I don't get enough sleep, I get irritable. And you don't want to make me - 'Calling VAGAN' Wait! Who are you? Just a bean trying to get some sleep. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! You came here just to make us turn off the music? If you were listening on the phone, I said I would come here to turn it off myself. What! Are you insane?! Do you know what you just got yourself into? Do you know who I am! Do you know who my uncle is?! Yes. I do. Detective Cromwell. Good morning. Yeah. Something tells me there's nothing good about this morning. What do we got here? Multiple gunshots were reported coming from this warehouse. I was the first one to answer the call. Multiple gunshots, huh. You do know whose warehouse this is. Yes, sir. Have you gone inside yet? No, sir. I wanted to wait for backup. Well. It's here. My God. What a massacre. There's got to be a dozen, at least a dozen dead beans here. I guess I don't need this anymore. These were all Cappuccino's beans. Mm-hmm. It must have been some kind of gang war. No. This is no gang war. Cappuccino's beans might be dumb, but they know how to use a gun. There would have been other dead beans here, not just them. This something else. Well. One thing's for sure. We won't need that search warrant we were trying to get, huh. Heh. Yeah. I could live with this. Detective Cromwell. I found something here. 'This bullet casing is the property of Killer Bean' Killer Bean 'The bullet is meant for someone else' Hmm. What do you make of this? This guy's got balls. That's for sure. We got company! Let's go! Stop! Stop right there! This is the police! Hold it right there! Bad idea. Get out of the car! Get your hands where I can see them! Easy... Easy... Oh please, officer. Don't hurt me. Watch it. Vagan. I should have known I'd find you here, Detective Cromwell. What are you doing here, Vagan? Well, obviously something happened in my warehouse. I mean, can't a bean protect his own property anymore? Don't you mean, Cappuccino's property? You know, your obsession with Cappuccino has become quite amusing. Always trying to link everything back to Cappuccino. Why don't you tell it to the court. You're under arrest. Arrest? For what? A traffic violation? What about this? Looking for some action here? If I were looking for some action, you wouldn't be standing before me as you do right now. Yeah? That's cause I'd be shooting you with this! Are you kids done yet? I say we take him in and book him right now. You know my lawyers will have me out even before you get me to the police station. The time is not worth your effort, now is it Cromwell. Let him go. What?! I said let him go. Uh, my gun please. Nice... You know, Vagan, you're right. You're not worth my time. However, investigating the multiple homicides in your warehouse is. And whatever else we find in your warehouse, is just icing on the cake. You're free to go. And by the way, your car's parked illegally. You better get it out of here before we tow it. Oh, and Vagan. Here. It looks like I'm not the only one after your boss. ...possible suspects. Rumors have surfaced saying that there is a vigilante bean in town... What the hell is going on out there?! Ah. Looks like I got someone's attention. Who's this? Great. Playtime's over. 'Encrypted Call' 'Decoding' 'Secure Connection' This is Killer Bean. Killer Bean. What the hell are you doing? You think this is a game? What were you thinking last night? I had a rough night last night. We know what kind of night you had. Might I remind you what your mission is. You were given specific orders to hunt down and eliminate the target. No one else! Drawing this kind of attention to yourself is dangerous for us, and especially for you. What's the big deal? I killed a bunch of gangsters. I'm sure the Beantown police are a lot happier without them. You didn't do anyone a favor with that mess you created last night. And you are not working for the Beantown police. You are working for us! I'll still get the job done. I'll get him. We're running out of time. He has to know you're coming by now. Remember who he is. Yeah. I know what the mission is. Then stick to it! Don't be so reckless, Killer Bean. I'll call you when I got him! Reckless! Pff! Reckless my brown bean ass! 'Decoding' 'Secure Connection' Yes? Jet Bean, you have been activated for an urgent mission in Beantown. Beantown? I'm a long way from Beantown. It would be best to assign someone else. This mission is highly sensitive. You are the most capable for the job. It figures. Fine. I'll do it. Good. We'll contact you with the details as soon as you reach the shore. See you in Beantown. They better have some good food in Beantown. Wait. Are you leaving? Yes. How long will you go for? A long time. Oh... I have something I want to give to you. Oh... You shouldn't have. Here! It's the bill! You haven't paid in three months! I'm leaving now. I will pay when I get back. Hey! You get back here pay now! Tsingtao! Get out here! He say your food tastes like ass crack. What?! Make bean curd out of him! I said I'll pay when I get back! Oh. It's okay. It's on the house. You don't have to come back! Please! Looking at the figures from our previous fiscal year. Narcotic sales have dropped 57 percent. 57 percent! That's more than half! Now, compare this to the 300 percent growth from our weapons department. But you guys... You guys are not from my weapons department, are you. No... You guys are from my narcotics department, okay?! So what do I have to do, huh? How can I get through to you guys?! Dude. I have such a hangover. Yeah bean, that was a kick-ass party last night, right? Yeah. Too bad we didn't stay for the whole thing. I bet they had some fun. Woot! Woot! You see, it's easy when you think about it. Crime is on the rise, okay. So more guns sell, because criminals use guns. Hello!! They also use drugs! So more drugs should sell, right? What's the problem here? Now, you guys. Someone give me a reasonable explanation, okay? Why are narcotic sales performing so poorly? It's all those anti-drug commercials on TV. You never see any anti-gun commercials. It's not fair. It has become quite apparent to me, that some of you do not value your job. Now... That is quite odd, if you ask me. Especially in today's economy. But I am forced to say... It is time... To lay off! A few beans!! Ooohhh!!! Uh, wait. I have a question. Yes. Will I be eligible for unemployment? Hmm. Let me check with the finance department on that, okay? My social security number is... 3, 4, 6... Oh boy. Is my batting average going to go up after this. Ahem- Hang on, let me just finish this level. Cappuccino! Ah. Vagan. I'm glad you're here. Maybe you can teach these beans something about business, since you've handled my weapons department so well. That bean is nothing but a kiss-ass brown-noser. What does he know that we don't know? But he's making millions of dollars selling weapons. If you ask me, He's doing something illegal. Oh, it's great to see you, Vagan. But you'll have to excuse me. I'm in an important meeting right now. This is more important. It's about the warehouse on Baker Street. Oh that. It's okay. I know. You know? Yeah. My nephew was having a party of there last night, okay? No, it's not about the party. Well. It is. There was a hit on the warehouse. Everyone is dead. Who did this. I have reason to believe that it was done by a bean named, Killer Bean. Killer Bean... One bean? This is no ordinary bean. I've heard of him before. I know what he can do. Who the hell is he? Who sent him? Is it the Colombians? Is it the French trying to roast me? It has to be one of your competitors. Who ever it is, I want you to find him. I want you to find him, and destroy him! Oh, believe me I will try. But first, we have Killer Bean to deal with. He's somewhere out there, and he's coming after you. All right. We need to consolidate all of our warehouses. There's too many targets for him to attack. Move all our inventory to the central warehouse on Main Street. I want you to protect that place. What about Killer Bean? What do you want me to do? Oh nothing. Just send him a box of chocolates, and tell him thanks for the memories. You idiot! What do you think you should do? Kill him. Any way you can, by any means. Put him in the ground! I'll need more beans. Professional beans. Put it on my credit card, okay. Just do it! Yes, sir. Vagan. Make sure you find out who sent him. There will be hell to pay. Hello. Hey, Harry. It's Detective Cromwell. Hey, Cromwell. Hey did you get the package I sent you? Yeah, it's pretty wild stuff. Our crime lab is getting nowhere with this. What do you make of it? Well, the easy ones the tire tread sample. I tested the residue you sent, and the tires are made from silicon steel fiber alloy. It's only used on high-performance cars. It's not unique, but it's hard to come by. Hmm... What about the gold bullets? Now that. In my 15 years with Special Forces, I've never seen gold used in any weapon. But for practical purposes gold is a very soft metal. So the bullets expand and deform on high impact. They make little holes on the way in and big holes on the way out. And they are much harder to match the ballistic signatures. That makes them relatively untraceable. Yeah, that doesn't make sense if the bullet casings have his name on it. And he left those everywhere. Yeah. Killer Bean. Yeah, I don't get that. He must be one sick bean, like he wanted to be found out. Yeah, or he's bragging. Or just plain careless. This Killer Bean has to be working for someone to get that kind of financial backing. You think he's a gun for hire? Or he could be a vigilante. That's the word on the street. Either way, one thing's for sure. He has his eyes set on Cappuccino. Heh, well then you both have something in common. Yeah. If that's true, I have a hunch where this Killer Bean will show up next. Hey, I gotta go. See you, Harry. Later. 'Suspected Cappuccino's Warehouses' Dramatic entrance... Dramatic entrance... Well, that pretty much frees up my day. Time for some breakfast. 'Shadow Bean, you are too late.' Howdy. What will it be? Tequila and tonic. And, uh. Turn up the TV. Detective Cromwell, concerning possible suspects, rumors have surfaced that there is a vigilante bean in town, who is hunting down Cappuccino. There is no evidence for your vigilante theory. As far as I'm concerned, the suspect or suspects involved in these homicides are no friends of the police. We will do what is necessary to bring them to justice. Thank you. I don't think so. I'll have another. And you can turn that crap off now. What can I get you? I'll have what he's having. This is a rough part of town. Do you always sit with your back to the entrance? Doesn't matter who comes in. Isn't it against police regulation to be drinking during the day? I'm a detective. Our regulations are a little different. How'd you know I was with the police? You know, you're much uglier in person. Heh. My name is Detective Cromwell. And you are? Jack. Well, Jack... I guess you heard what happened this morning over at the warehouse on Baker Street. Yeah, I know about that. Really. Tell me what you know. Why don't we cut to the chase. Why don't you tell me what you know. Oh, I know a lot. I know the Baker Street warehouse is owned by Cappuccino. I know someone killed 12 beans in that warehouse last night. I know the killer drove a fancy car, and has fancy guns. I know that the warehouse across the street with the big hole in the window also belongs to Cappuccino. I see this fancy car parked in front, and well, you don't look like you walked here. So my guess is... This, belongs to you. Well it looks like you figured it all out. Good job. Another! It was easy. You were just reckless. The way I see it, you're the one who's being reckless. You come out here looking for me by yourself. You didn't bring anyone to back you up. That's reckless. Here's my backup. That's a nice gun. Wanna see mine! How can I see it, if you have it against the side of my head? Not bad. But mine's bigger. You do the math. Why are you after Cappuccino? That's for me to know, and you not to know. Well, I know I can't have a crazy vigilante running around shooting up beans. But you're no vigilante, are you. Seems like there are beans who've invested in you, And I'm sure they're not happy with the press you're getting. This is where I can help you. I don't need help. Well, you see. I'm bound by the law. I've been working this Cappuccino case for over three years. Every time we think we have something on him, his lawyers get in the way and get him out. I wish I was like you. I wish I could just walk up to him and shoot him. But I can't. It's too bad. Because I know where is central warehouse is. Not these abandoned warehouses, like that one out there. Why don't you pay him a visit? You got the wrong bean. I'm not just some hired gun. Who says I'm hiring you? You already have a boss, don't you? I bet he doesn't really like all that attention that you're getting from the media. I can make that go away. I control the evidence, and the evidence says it could've been some rival gang that killed all of Cappuccino's beans last night, or... It could be you. And I have a lot of evidence that says that. Are you going to take me in? I can take you down. Oh... I would enjoy that. Freeze! Get out of my bar you punks! I know how to use this! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I'm a cop! Put down your gun! I don't trust any of you. You drop your guns, both of you! Sorry, grandpa. It doesn't work like that. Okay, okay. I'm going to slowly lower my gun, and I'm gonna go, alright? Alright? This will be real easy. See? This is easy. Killer Bean. Remember what I said. We can help each other. Just help yourself out the door. This is for the drinks. Mine and his. Now, you mind if I go to the bathroom before I go? Be quick. Your life depends on it. So dramatic. Sorry. It was a double flusher. But you only flushed once. Hey... Don't I know you from somewhere? Who is Shadow Bean? You're in way over your head. Who is Shadow Bean?! You don't have to yell. I'm right next to you. Answer me! Are there two of you?! You're not going to shoot me if you need the answers. Besides, I can't answer you anyway. So... I'll have to do this instead! It's a good idea for you to stay down. We'll settle this later. You're not as dumb as you look. Hello. Harry. It's Cromwell. My hunch was right. Killer Bean hit Cappuccino's warehouse on the east side. In fact, he was still here when I got here. Whoa, how did that go? Not as well as I would have liked. Hey listen. I got some new info. I found a note in front of Cappuccino's warehouse. It said, Shadow Bean, you are too late. Does that mean anything to you? Harry? You still there? I didn't know they were still in operation. Who? The Shadow Beans. Harry, what's going on? They're highly trained operatives of an organization called the Shadow Agency. Shadow Agency? What are they, a government agency? Why haven't I heard of them? I think they were a private organization. There are some things the government does that are not meant to be known. Their collaboration with the Shadow Agency was one of them. When diplomatic and military tactics failed, our government hired the Shadow Agency to eliminate national security threats. It was more cost effective than training and maintaining our own elite assassins. And the Shadow Beans were better than anything we had. Great. But why here? What are the Shadow Beans doing in Beantown? And what could they possibly want with Cappuccino? I don't know. I thought the Shadow Agency was disbanded. I know our government stopped using them nearly a decade ago. I haven't heard of them since. So do you think this Killer Bean is a Shadow Bean operative? It sounds like he's certainly good enough to be. What do you think I should do is stop him? I don't even know if you can't stop him. But you can start by putting all your cops on double duty. Right... This is the place. Dramatic entrance. Bean, I hate this job. It's so freaking boring. All we do we sit around and drink beer. Are you kidding? This is my dream job! Hey! We're not supposed to be just sitting around drinking beer. Remember what Vagan said? He said we got to move all those crates by morning. If the cops find this stuff, we are screwed. Where are we supposed to move them? I don't know. I didn't really listen to that part. Hey, give me another beer. Oh here, have mine. I shouldn't drink anymore. *sniff* *cough* I have a really bad cold. All right! Wait... is this a low carb beer? Hey, speaking of beer... Did you beans hear what happened at the party last night? Some dude went in there, and killed everyone. He even killed Cappuccino's nephew. Geez... Who was this bean that killed everyone? Is he someone I should be worried about? Nah. He's probably just some crazed lunatic, running around with lots of guns. You know, that's the problem with this country. Too many crazed lunatics with guns. Isn't that right, baby? The lunatics aren't the problem. The real problem is the guns. What this country needs is some serious gun control. I mean, we need to take away all the guns. All of them! And just get rid of them! But not my gun. Ohhh! Ow! Bean, you dropped into the wrong place. Looks like what we got here is a standoff. Not really. Over there! Take cover! Call the boss! Get some help! Hello. Vagan! We're being attacked. I think it's Killer Bean! How do you know? Well... He's killing everyone! We're sending the mercenaries. Just hold tight. Keep firing! Don't let up! Grenade!! I can see we came to the right place. You made short work of these beans. Don't expect the same fight from us. My squad has been with me through hell. I hand selected them myself from the Academy ten years ago. All of them graduated with top honors. I led these beans through three tours of duty, accumulating a total of 15 Medals of Honor, 11 Purple Hearts. Sure, we lost a few good beans... But you should see what we did to the other bloke. Well, then we went into business for ourselves. Escort detail for high-level dignitaries, Hostage extraction, corporate assassinations, preemptive surgical strikes, Or just plain search and destroy. Heck, we even robbed a few federal banks with business with slow. So... So this little shindig we got here... Oh, it's nothing. It's just a walk in the park. Are you going to say something or what? Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I must have totally zoned out on you. Whoa, my eyes are starting to water. Whoo! Sorry. Let's make one thing clear. Last night was a party. Tonight, I get to work! Decaffeinated. Oh well. It was worth a try. This is not a good idea. We should kill him now. Patience, Vagan. I need answers. I need answers from him. He's awake. So. This is the great Killer Bean. Yeah. You attack my warehouses. You kill my beans. What do you want from me?! My guns would be nice. Better enjoy a while it lasts, tough guy. Tough words from a bean who is helpless. Ohhh... No, you did not! Okay. Maybe you did. What do you want, Killer Bean? Who are you working for? What. You expect me to just blurt it all out? My nephew was at the Baker Street warehouse when you attacked it, okay. I think you owe me an explanation. Your nephew? Hmm... Your nephew... He was such a good boy. He wanted to be a DJ as some big nightclub. I told him, someday I'll buy you your own my club. As long as you sell my drugs there. Eh, the profit sharing we never agreed on. But you know, he was such a sweet kid. Oh yeah. Yeah remember him. He was the one playing the music. He always loved his music. Well, he's dead now. Kill this bean. He's wasting my time. It's about time. How does it feel to be killed, by your own gun? Funny... I was about to ask you the same thing. Are we done playing games for today? Finally... Dispatch. This is Cromwell. Roger, Detective Cromwell. I need backup. I'm at 43rd and Main Street. Right away, sir. There's no rush. I got time. Cromwell out. How dare you! How dare you come onto my property, looking to kill me! Who do you think you are? Hate to burst your bubble, Cappuccino... but I'm not here to kill you. What? I'm here to kill him. You just got in my way. I don't understand. You want to kill him? Not me? What the hell is going on? Just shoot him already. It's complicated. Why don't you just beat it. No. I'm quite interested to knowing why. Fine. You wanna die to? Believe me, it's no trouble at all. Actually, uh... I think that my estimated taxes are due soon. I like to stay on top of that stuff. Good idea. Oh. By the way. Vagan? You're fired!! It's about time they sent someone with some talent after me. Nothing but the best for you, Dark Bean. Yeah. I guess they finally learned it's gonna take the best. What the hell is going on? You were one of the Shadow Agency's top beans. I used to look up to you. Now I have to kill you. Why did you betray us, Dark Bean? I didn't betray anyone. The Shadow Agency betrayed me. What? You're the one who destroyed our database, and stole years of intelligence work. How could you do that? And how could you go from policing the world to running guns for this two-bit gangster? Why did you join the Shadow Agency, Killer Bean? To get rid of the trash in this world, one bullet at a time. Yeah, we all joined for the same reason. But when I joined the Shadow Agency 12 years ago, It was more clear cut. Our job was to neutralize threats, while the politicians were paralyzed in diplomatic bullshit. That's just the way I like it. Times have changed. The agency was always privately controlled, But originally we always worked with the government to protect our citizens. Then it all changed. I'm not sure what caused the shift but now, we're just guns for hire, providing services to the highest bidder. Anyone with the right amount of money can buy the talents of the Shadow Beans. On one mission, I was asked to protect some rich dictator. On another, I assassinated an opposing leader. It didn't matter what we did. The Shadow Agency always convinced us that what we did was for the right reasons. But before I left, they had me deliver weapons to the very group of beans I had spent several years trying to take down. That was it for me. Do you expect me to believe any of this? All I know is that you breached the agency's security, and stole years of intelligence work. I didn't steal anything. All the information I took was mine. I wasn't about to give up 12 years of sweat and blood. I needed it to continue my work. And exactly how does serving Cappuccino continue your work? Cappuccino is a major player in the weapons market. Posing as his lackey puts me on the inside. I can find out who wants what, who sells what, and where the big threats are. But unlike at the Shadow Agency, I can finally kill the beans who deserve to be killed. You got yourself a few more minutes of life with that story, Dark Bean. But you can't out talk my trigger finger. It doesn't matter if you believe me or not. This is probably your last mission. If I don't kill you, the Shadow Agency will. What the hell are you talking about? I'm one of their best Shadow Beans. Why would they want me dead? The Shadow Agency knows I could expose them. Any agent that comes in contact with me is compromised. And from what I've been hearing, You've been a liability to the agency since the day you started. Seeing the mess you made last night confirms that the Shadow Agency has a hard time controlling you. They must know you joined for the same reasons I did. They know it's only a matter of time before you find out the truth about them. And if they can't control you now, how will they control you when you do find out? It's smarter for them to diffuse you now, before you become a bigger problem. If they wanted me dead, then why even send me on this mission? You said it yourself. You're one of their best. They tried to kill me before. They sent Shadow Beans after me twice. They both failed. Think about it, Killer Bean. They want us both dead, and we're hard to kill. Regardless of the outcome of this mission, the agency gets what they want. Because one of us will be eliminated. No, no. You're lying. I'm not gonna believe you. I won't believe a word you say. I had to take the shot. I would have done more with my life than you ever will. Doesn't matter now. We're both dead beans. Dispatch. This is Cromwell. Where's my backup? 6 squad cars eta 3 minutes, 2 special assault units in 5. Get me more. How many, sir? Everyone. Yes? Yes, I am here. 'Deactivated' And who is the target? 'Deactivated' No. No problem at all. I've always wanted to meet him. I'll call you when the job is done. 'Secure Connection' Drop your guns! Put em down, now! It's not gonna end like this. Drop your guns! Whoa, whoa ,whoa! Easy, hold your fire! Finally brought some backup, huh. Yeah. Does this satisfy your ego? What do you want, Cromwell? Coming to see if I did your dirty work? He's right over there. Yeah, he's dead all right. But you didn't kill him. He did. What does it matter? You got the results you wanted. Now just step aside and let me by. Let you by? You're the key to this whole mess. If I let you go, I'll never find out about the Shadow Agency, or the Shadow Beans. I can't help you. Why not? You are Shadow Bean, aren't you? Not anymore. They're coming after you, aren't they. Don't shoot! Hold your fire! If you tell me what I need to know, I can protect you. I highly doubt that. I can at least give you a place to stay tonight. Let me help you, Killer Bean. There is nothing you can do that will help me. But I do need a quiet place to think. Not exactly what I had in mind, but this will do. Make yourself at home. This will keep you safe for the night. Hell, it'll probably keep us safe too. I don't plan on staying long. I'll be back in the morning. We have a lot to talk about. Who were these guys? I'd like to know where they get guns like this. Hey, don't touch that stuff. You know better than that. You're contaminating the evidence. I don't think we're going to have a shortage of evidence here. Whoa, hold it! This is a crime scene. No one is allowed on the premises. Yeah. Nobody ordered no egg foo yung here. Where is Killer Bean? Killer Bean? We put his ass in the slammer. Wait. Who are you? Let me put it in a language you can understand. So sorry. No chow mein here. You deliver wrong place. Get your hands in the air! Put them up, now! Now put your hands on your head, drop to your knees. Commander. Thanks for your help. I'm turning in for the night. I'll be back in the morning. Right, sir. We'll be here when you get back. Excellent. What do we got here? Just some punk bean we caught assaulting an officer. Well he sure picked the wrong night to do that. Take him in. Hold it! Another move, and we drop you! Take him out! These are very nice guns. Are you sure you want to do that? You need them more than I do. So you're the bean they sent to kill me. Mmm hmm. Who are you? I am Jet Bean. Assassin from the East. I completed my mission. Why do they want me dead? They don't tell me why. And I don't ask. They decided to kill me the moment they sent me on this mission, didn't they. That's what Dark Bean told me. The agency knew that once I found out the truth about them, they couldn't trust me. They were right. Save your breath, Killer Bean. You're going to need it. Don't you know what the Shadow Agency is? Don't you realize how they're using us? I can see you've been brainwashed by Dark Bean. He was a fool. No one Shadow Bean can threaten the agency. But I'm no Shadow Bean. I certainly hope you trained harder than that. Well... At least you're in the fighting mood now. You have been a formidable opponent. I am sorry I have to end this game. You already tried that. It's over. Not for you. 'Secure Connection' Jet Bean, is your mission complete? Jet Bean is dead. Killer Bean... I learned a lot about the Shadow Agency today. And it's not for me. I quit. Don't be rash. Think about what you are doing. Why don't you come in? We can talk things over. Oh, I'm coming in. But it won't be for talking. This will do.

            My favourite memory from school

              Every day, right after the pledge of allegiance and before the morning announcements, teacher would have us line up single-file clockwise around the room so we each got a fair chance to threaten to murder her with our guns. If you forgot your handgun at home that day, or your mom forgot to pack it for you, you didn’t get to threaten teacher’s life and instead had to clean out the chalkboard erasers while watching your friends and peers shove weapons in your teacher’s face. That was the worst, when mom would forget to pack my gun, because I hated cleaning those erasers. They always irritated my sinuses.