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I CURED HOMOSEXUALITY!

    I cured my son of the Big Gay. The other day, he came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her (and maybe MEAT her after my son fell asleep hehe), but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man.

I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am. Zander and I are in love."

Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say no homo."

But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually, dad, I AM a homosexual. That's right, your son is in love with another man." Then my son grabbed Zander's hand and looked at me defiantly.

For a second, I was utterly devastated. But then I thought to myself What would Trump do? So I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes (no homo), and said, "But that's gay."

As soon as I uttered those fateful words, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. Zander tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength.

After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then, with manly tears of joy in his eyes, he pointed to Zander and exclaimed, "Let's get that homo!"

After we wiped Zander's blood off our hands and threw the little fairy into the cold, my son and I sat down with a beer and watched some football.

As we watched, my son turned to me and said, "Dad, I love you. No homo."

"No homo indeed, son," I replied. "No homo indeed."

    Is that…. A jojo reference?😳

      Every JoJo copypasta
      Is that... 😳

Oh no, it can't be, forget it ahah 😆

But maybe... 🤔

Is it possible that you are referring to the very popular manga and anime titled "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure"? 🇯🇵

I know it's a bit of a strech, but I can't stop asking myself if this is the case. 😅

Sorry to bother you, have a nice day 😊

      Americans are immune to bullet wounds.

        In America, we’ve all been shot so many times, that most of us have built up an immunity to bullet wounds. It’s now hereditary, actually, because only people who can survive being shot live long enough to reproduce. Natural selection and all that. Some Americans have built up an immunity so high that they can easily walk way from a direct hit from a cannon ball. These individuals are considered “real, red blooded, Americans” and receive a certificate of authentication.

This is also where the phrase “come and take it” comes from. A group of Americans endured a volley of cannon fire and they managed to catch 95% of the balls shot. They then hoisted the cannon balls into the air and taunted the invading army by encouraging them to come retrieve their ammunition and try again.

        Ok hear me out here’s why I kissed that person in an Isabella costume

          Yes it was weird, but I have an explanation for this that I hope will be satisfactory. As you can see I was mostly looking at my phone, so it didn't occur to me that she was dizzy and probably didn't know where she was going. I thought she was just trying to interact with me like a mascot costume person at a sporting event. In my experience they usually get a little mad if you don't interact back, so I normally give them a hug. I tried to give her a hug, as you can see by my arm at the end of the video, but I realized that if I gave her a hug I could very likely rip the head clean off. I panicked at this realization and opted for a forehead kiss instead. It absolutely was not planned.

I'd also like to point out that this all happened over the course of about half a second, I had no idea she was walking towards me until I turned my head. The Nintendo employee with her didn't seem very upset at me and kinda laughed, she was the person saying "You're precious, alright let's- watch out, watch out, aww" in the video, which I'd like to emphasize I couldn't hear because conventions are very loud. They both went the way they were going after this video, so I don't think they took offense.

I feel like I'm on trial here but yeah that's what happened. I wouldn't want to make someone uncomfortable on purpose, whenever I took a picture with anyone else at the convention I asked and then asked if I could be in the picture and so on, and there was no kissing anywhere else I assure you, but this all happened faster than I could really think about it.

          Are you also R.A.C.I.S.T.?

            Why, yes, I am R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect my friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in their traditions

Care for my friends, no matter their skin color

Inform myself on what taboos I should never break

Smile when they speak their native tongues

The Jews must be purged from the Earth