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So disappointed in the new Animal Crossing…

    Last night after my gay sex session I decided to turn on my Nintendo Switch™ and play some Animal Crossing: New Horizons™. I was trying to progress as quickly as possible so I can see Isabelle on my 4k 60 inch TV. I was catching bugs to give to Blathers, because Blathers is a bitch who is scared of bugs, until I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I caught...

A Monarch Butterfly.

A MONARCH Butterfly!

I threw my Pro Controller™ right at my TV and screamed in absolute horror.

Is that a fucking political word I see? Why the fuck is there a MONARCH Butterfly? What the fuck is Nintendo™ trying to do putting their right-wing ideals in their games? Wasn’t Animal Crossing™ supposed to a peaceful game? It surely can’t be when they stuff their political cocks down our throats. Why isn’t there a Marxist Butterfly? I’m in pure shock that Nintendo™ will go to such lengths to brainwash people into agreeing with their political values. I am never buying a Nintendo™ game again, until they formally apologize to me admitting that it was wrong to promote political ideals in their games.

    I can’t wait any longer for Isabelle’s pussy.

      Holy fucking shit. There are less than 2 days left until animal crossing comes out on the switch and I can't wait any longer. I need to see Isabelle in 1080P HD 60FPS, and I need to see her NOW. Not only is she the love of my life, but I fucking need more rule 34 of her. There is nothing more fucking hot than Isabelle, and the new game's release will (If my calculations are correct) cause a massive flood of new Isabelle rule 34. I have harassed everyone I've found with an early copy, and I've tried to convince them to give it to me in every way I know. That includes offering my mum's credit card (that's fucking revenge for trying to take away my 3DS you bitch), death threats, begging, and other typically effective means. So if anyone has an early copy, please give it to me. I physically cannot wait any longer for Isabelle.

Please.

      Discord – after someone lost an argument

        I am being serious: none of you are intelligent enough to understand why you're stupid. Usually I'm memeing or injecting a little bit of irony for fun but there is no irony here. All of you, with one or two exceptions, have little more than a thimbleful of political credibility and it stems from your complete inability to think through or research your points beyond coming to a conclusion spoon-fed to you by the culture around you since birth. None of you have the intellectual capacity to question the world around you and at least half of you don't even have the potential to develop it.

        Rap God but it’s a deaf person doing it

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          UwU! What’s this?

            UwU! What’s this?~ someone’s got a bulgy wulgy! A weally BIG bulgy  wulgy! Let’s take a wooksie, shall we? What’s that? It’s...it’s a t-  tumor? O-Oh.

            r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE.

              r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE. How is one supposed to accurately rate a poo merely by the picture of it?

Does a candle connoisseur judge a candle based on it's appearance alone, without giving it a sniff? Does a food critic write their review purely on the merit of the aesthetic of the plating of the dish, without tasting? Does a sculptor select clay for what is to be a priceless piece of art without first feeling its texture and density?

No.

So how am I ever to fairly "rate your poo" if I do not experience your poo with a variety of senses. Just going off a picture I will miss out on many things about your poo: the nutty and oaky hints in it's scent. I would never know its sweet flavor, yet acidic after taste. I would miss your poos sticky, almost stretchy texture.

I would miss all of those qualities in your poo, and countless other subtleties invisible to the eye. All I would have to go off of is the picture of it floating cheerlessly in it's porcelain pool, waiting to be mercilessly whisped into the unknown of the pipes. How am I supposed to feel good giving such a soulless, uninformed rating of your poo?