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Atheism humor

    He-he guys (snicker) hey guys! If you- (begins to chuckle) you’re relig (laughing hard now) religious, (begins to wheeze, as my massive cranium lacks the needed oxygen to think of this joke and to survive) You are LITERALLY IN A CULT (I transform into a being of pure energy, literally ascended by the sheer humour of my comment, as my heavenly being enters the n̵̪̞͙̍́̓͊th dimension you can faintly hear a final wheeze)

    Omegle posts be like

      If you skip fucking kill yourself. M18 looking for straight weeb girlfriend from east coast of USA WHO HAS NO FRIENDS, NO RELATIONSHIPS, NOTHING. to voice chat with. Do not waste my fucking time if you're not voice chatting. 1. I am looking for a girlfriend to voice chat with me every single day. 2. I am looking for a girlfriend who is going to get me OFF of Omegle. 3. I am looking for a girlfriend who is going to meet me in real life, or give me a place and a new life to live. 18+ only usa only / If there's no females on here I ask you go on all social sites and look for a female that needs me. *pinches your arm with finger and thumb* *gigantic* *lifts you off the ground* "Poor little female, very angry. Now now, settle down. Let the superior gender do the talking
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      Nice tits 😎

        Hello bitch, nice TITS ahahahahah milky millky milky baby thirsty mommy baby want milk suck suck suck suck hahahaha stupid cunt give me those big udders you slut hahahaha tits tit titty me your caveman me use big titty for big bitty hahaha honk honk honk slut cunt mommy honk honk milky baby want more now honk honk honk pitter patter on those big mommy milkies hee hee hee haha haaaa haaaa can’t stop the milk truck coming through honk honk all aboard the titty train hee hee woo woooooo honk honk honk!!!

        Phineas and Ferb lost episode

          Phineas pulled away from the intense, sensitive kiss, the corners of his mouth covered with messy saliva. It was his first. He had dreamed about this moment all of his teenage years. The adrenaline rushed to his stomach and bright cheeks in waves of warmth. He felt a bulge growing in his pants, chuckled softly, nuzzled his head and whispered “Hey Ferb..I think I know what we’re gonna do today.” A musical number faded in. Ferb leaned down to his stepbrother’s thin neck, coddling pockets of his skin in his mouth and sucking, nibbling, until a red mark was made. “I’m all yours, sir.” Phineas whispered, shaken. Ferb continued to paint his stepbrother’s body with marks of territory, settling his thumb in his prey’s mouth as Phineas lovingly sucked on it. Ferb grasped his non-blood relative’s hard triangular member and began to massage it. Suddenly, a rush of wind blew them from their moment. Candace walked out, screaming: “MOM, PHINEAS AND FERB ARE HAVING INCESTUAL RELATIONS!” but as the old tradition goes, everything was back to normal before their mother picked up any hint. Phineas speaks first. “Hey mom! Me and Ferb were wrestling. He won.” In a leathery, seductive, British voice Ferb speaks for the first and only time this episode: “Yes. Yes I did.” A final guitar riff marks the end of the sequence, and a commercial break begins.

          Listen. I hate cleaning toilets just as much as the next guy.

            Listen. I hate cleaning toilets just as much as the next guy. But i have a trick. Listen closely. As I'm scrubbing the base of the toilet, i pretend i have a fetish for toilets. I know, sounds weird. But this works. Take your sponge and start moaning. This will enable your arousal senses. You will soon start to enjoy scrubbing away at it. I pretend my toilet is a big fat juicy badonkadonk and I'm giving it a feel. Visualize whatever you want. Soon you'll have urges to lick the toilet. Don't. Not yet. It isn't clean yet. Keep scrubbing away. Once your toilet is finally all nice and clean, go on, you deserve it.

            For the next time some 12 year old calls you a simp online

              OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT EPIC ROAST??!?!?
              
              Guys guys he called me a simp!
              
              OH NO! Whatever shall I do? My life...is over! My reputation...gone! This child has destroyed me with his cunning word choice and his genius intellect. Though I must say, while you may have been the one to kill me, I hold nothing but respect for you and your noble quest. Thanks to your good work, another simp, being myself, has been forever banished from the interwebs. Go forth, and claim a glorious victory! I wish you well, keyboard warrior!
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