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I sexually identify as the sun

    check your astral privilege
    I sexually Identify as the sun. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throughout the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded, but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 °C. From now on I want you guys to call me “Sol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusion-phobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.

    Spooky skeleton ASCII

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      Johnny epically owns teacher

        I'll need a demonstration
        A 👩‍🏫teacher👩‍🏫 asked her class
         
        “What is sex👅👀?”
         
        Johnny🙍‍♂️ got up and said:
         
        “Sex is a 😏temptation😏
         
        Caused by a 😩sensation😩
         
        Where a boy 🙍‍♂️ sticks his 🍆location🍆
         
        Into a girl’s 💁‍♀️ 🍑destination🍑
         
        To increase the 👪population👪
         
        Of the next➡️ 👶generation👶
         
        Did you get my ☝️ 👏explanation👏?
         
        Or do you need 😩💦 a
         
        👅🍆🍑💦Demonstration👅🍆🍑💦 ?
         
        The teacher👩‍🏫 fainted 😱

        FeelsGoodMan ASCII

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          Day 74 of no fap challenge

            no fap challenge
            As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.
             
            Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.
             
            I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.
             
            As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You're welcome.

            oof 100

              oof 100
              Shut the fuck up you absolute lobotomite. You think adding your poorly edited Skyrim makes this funny? What a joke. Get a grip on reality, stop saying "oof" during a serious conversation just because your two braincells cant ever send signals to eachother to form a response. Honestly pathetic. Oh guys look at me Im so funny OOF 100! Its so funny and quirky because its a roblox noise right guys? Hahah skyrim reference!! Shut the fuck up you absolute fucking dusty toilet. I would flush you down the drain in an instant.