Skip to content

The simp sword

    ║\
    
    ║▒\
    
    ║▒▒\
    
    ║░▒║
    
    ║░▒║
    
    ║░▒║with this blade
    
    ║░▒║I cut those who
    
    ║░▒║disrespect
    
    ║░▒║Pokimane
    
    ║░▒║
    
    ║░▒║
    
    ▓▓▓▓
    
    [█▓]
    
    [█▓]
    
    [█▓]
    
    [█▓]

    Asking for a friend

      Is there a sexuality for people who’re only attracted to 2d anime girls with fat tiddies? Ever since I’ve been a young lad, I’ve been revolted by the sight of real-life women, but Japanese cartoon characters have really done the trick for me. Every Friday night since 2009 I’ve dressed up in traditional Japanese clothing and swung around a sword for hours, honing my katana skills - preparing for the day that I move to Japan and become Hokage. Am I alone? If not, what’s it officially called? I thought “hentaisexual” might work but that sounds kinda retarded to me the more I think about it.

      Zuckerberg’s hair stylist

        Everyone please stop mocking Zuckerberg's haircut. I am his stylist. The truth is he just won't sit still in the race car chair, even if I give him a sucker. He just keeps saying "zucky dislikes that" and turning his head 360 degrees like a demon so that's the best I can do

        We need a George Floyd Funko POP now

          The black community has suffered more than enough. We, as Funko POP owners, need to stand with them and DEMAND that Funko honors the lives of black victims of police brutality by making a George Floyd Funko POP. We need to tell the world to take a stand against anti-black racism, and there would be no better way to do so than buying a George Floyd Funko POP. Will you take a stand and join me?

          fortnite needs sex

            fortnite needs sex. I am an 11 year old boy who often fantasizes about sex I want sex I am virgin. fortnite sex could help me have real sex please epic games give me sex I am very lonely please epic games what must I do to see Ariel assault trooper have their black round cheeks clapped by agent peely like damn give me upvotes and awards so fortnite sex is made real.

            Pokimane and you are having a little chat in your mansion

              “Aha, Bartholemew, I had no idea you were so strong,” Pokimane teases, rubbing your bicep. You blush, and nervously smirk. “Well, what can I say? I’m just such a gym-head.” She laughs, offering a tantalizing look, her cerulean eyes contrasting sharply with the dim lighting of the largest bedroom in your mansion. “Well, I’ve always liked a real man,” she replies with a seductive smugness tinted with a sarcastic edge. It was as if she was saying: “God, I know I shouldn’t go through with this...but my body disagrees. Goddammit, Imane...” You start stroking her hips vertically, the tension now so palpable you could cut it with your abs. You near her ears and lick your lips. “You know what I like most about you, Ms. Anys?” Her heart rate surges, and her knees immediately tremble. She loved when you called her that: it gave her this sense of power-a sense of power she desperately wanted you to take from her. “Yeah, what is that Matthew?” she inquires shaking in pure delight, barely able to form a sentence. You grip her hips with your manly hands. She’s desperate to disguise her true feelings, but you both know that deep down, she’s undergoing nothing but pure euphoria. Every inch of her body is willing to give in to you, no matter how much she wants to hide it with her above-it-all pompoussness. “I like that you’re such a risk-taker,” you finish with a sensual peck on her hear. Oh my God. “I can’t do this to Hasan,” Poki’s conscious desperately tries to convince her-but a woman’s urges are a woman’s urges. And these urges are far more powerful than any sense of moral righteousness that she may desire. You start scratching at the jeans wrapped tightly wrapped around her thick, voluptuous right thigh. “This is happening, right here, right now!” you order, as your other hand starts unbuttoning her top without resistance. “Oh y-yes, daddy!” she responds, with a girlish stutter. “Yeah, something’s starting alright!” you hear a booming Turkish voice respond. Before you can turn your head, Hasan Piker beats the shit out of you, picks up Poki, and then spits on you. “Oh my God, Hasan, I’m so sorry!” He smirks. “Don’t worry about it, baby,” he said. “But I’m surprised you almost went through it-that guy was a fucking libertarian.” She couldn’t believe it. Oh my God, seriously?” she replies with disgust. “Yeah, and you know what we do to lib-“ before he could finish Pokimane drags your unconscious body to her front yard and runs you over with her ford carrola. “So much for the tolerant left,” you think, before it all blacks out.