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I divorced my wife of 20 years today, who also donated her kidney to me, because she dislikes The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

    I’m fucking furious, after 20 years you’d think you know someone right?

Today I asked her “hey I’m in the mood to watch some Star Wars, wanna join me?” To where she replied “sure.” I told her we can just skip all of the bad movies that the alt right has an obsession with (the prequels) and go straight to watching the objective masterpieces known as the ST. My wife LAUGHED (yes directly at me, no fucking respect from this woman) replying she didn’t really like them and found them boring. I looked at her straight in the eye, it all became clear to me, my wife is a misogynist, she just hates women, she doesn’t respect women whatsoever.

So I slapped that dumb bitch in the face and screamed “I WILL NOT TOLERATE MISOGYNY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, YOU JUST HATE IT BECAUSE IT HAS A FEMALE LEAD” she (thankfully) started to cry with a confused look on her face and asked what came over me and why would I do that. I looked at her directly in the eyes again furiously, and asked her “what did you say about the sequel trilogy again?!?” She started yelling, blood and tears rolling down her face, with her voice cracking “you hit me over that?!!? Because I didn’t like a movie?!????” That was the last straw, I then said “I want a divorce” she replied “you just broke my nose and now want to divorce me over a pair of fucking movies!?!?!? After everything I’ve done for you?!?!? After saving your life!?!?!” I proceeded to walk out of the door, I looked back at her and said “I will not be married to someone who has 0 respect for women” Spat at her, then said “die mad about it” and left.

    I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock.

      I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock, does that make me gay? I was just taking a shower and slipped on my anal beads, my dick went right up my ass. As I was struggling to get it out I fell on my phone that was playing the gay porn I was watching, No homo, And my fat ass cracked the screen. And now i'm just sitting here questioning if i'm now gay.

      Horny: The Last Ass Eater

        Tits. Ass. Pussy. Feet.

Long ago, the four kinks lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Feet Kink attacked.

Only the horny, master of all four kinks, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new horny, an Ass Eater named Ricardo, and although his ass is great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to fuck anyone.

But I believe Ricardo can save sex.

        AITA for throwing my sister in front of a train?

          Little bit of back story: My sister just bought me a apple watch, it wasn't the newest so I was super pissed. Like what the hell? Who buys an apple product and not the newest? But anyway I was annoyed all day. It was my birthday and my dad bought me a new Ipad which was nice altough only the 128 GB version and I asked for the 256 GB.

So to the point. I was at the train station with my sister and my dad. And I put the Apple watch my sister gave me on craigslist for free to pick up. (Who's gonna use that trash LMAO) So my sister saw me do that. She got angry at me like what the hell? So as the train came up to the platform I pushed her in front of it.

I am now faced with charge of murder, like wtf she got what she deserved. I am now posting this from her funeral laughing my ass off.

Was I the asshole? I don't think I did wrong neither do my friends and 4 million instagram followers. This is just a waste of time smh...

          My Dick is Hydrophobic

            As a man of culture, I regularly take part in the natural act of masturbation. For you non-scholars, I am saying that I regularly spank the shit out of my meat to anime babes and / or cat girls. In accordance with the Geneva Convention article 4A paragraph 6, I exclusively use oil based lubricants (such as Vaseline or WD-40). After years of applying this buttery concoction to my 3 inch destroyer, enough has permanently absorbed into the skin of my dick and balls to the point that water is actually repelled when applied. Yes, my dick can now act as a flotation device in case of emergency water landings. Take that libtards.