At around 10:00 AM on the morning of December 18th, 2018, in what was widely believed to be an act of government-sponsored ethnic cleansing, two armed militia men were seen parachuting from a military plane into the vicinity of Tomato Town. Upon landing the two quickly unholstered assault rifles and entered the local pizzeria where a massacre of unarmed civilians unfolded as they kept shouting, "Get Down! Get Down!". Improvised explosives were then detonated at the site of the crime to obscure the victim's identities. The local police chief spotted the assailants as they were exiting the diner and shot one in the back before he was quickly revived by his accomplice as they boarded a "technical" pickup truck and headed southbound. The two militiamen were outnumbered but gave chase before being cornered in the streets of the nearby district of Pleasant Park where a shootout occurred with the police. The two assailants were seen chugging jugs of alcohol before getting back into the pickup truck and heading towards Moist Mire where the police lost them, deliberately detouring around Loot Lake as a local source had tipped them off to the stationing of UN peacekeeping forces in the area. 10 bodies were later discovered in the rubble of the Pizzeria's board room. Not long after the assailants left the area, a purple cloud believed to be an experimental chemical agent developed by the government swept the area, resulting in death by suffocation, making the town uninhabitable and turning the survivors of the massacre into refugees. Military contractors hired by the government bulldozed what was left of Tomato Town including the ruins of the Pizzeria as well as the memorial site for the victims and redeveloped it into a religious site/tourist attraction for the dominant religion of the country known as "Tomato Temple". To this day the government denies the massacre and subsequent chemical weapons attack despite multiple Human Rights agencies releasing interviews with the survivors and even one of the assailants coming forward with a testimony of guilt uploaded to social media after a UN Geneva Convention Probe confirmed the use of banned chemical agents.
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
I am a top level Chungoloist, and I have concluded with absolute certainty that Big Chungus himself shall enter into existence at 2:31 PM this April 9th. I have found this out using MATH.
Let’s dissect this piece by piece.
————————————
2021
Big Chungus has 2 words, consisting of 10 letters, we know that 2 x 10 = 20, so this is how we get 20 in ‘20’21
The word “Chungus” was first found online around December 2012, 12 reversed is how we get the 21 in 20’21
————————————
2:31 PM
Big Chungus is two words, this is how we get the hour
It has been roughly 3 years since Big Chungus became a meme, this is how we get the half-hour
Big Chungus is one rabbit, this is how we get the exact minute.
————————————
April 9th
How do we know that it will happen on April 9th exactly? I will tell you using simple counting. Bugs Bunny is the official name of the non-large version of Big Chungus.
B U G S B U N N Y 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Bugs, the first name of non-large Chungus, is 4 letters, Bugs Bunny, the full name of non-large Chungus is 9 letters in total, this is how we get 4/9. 4/9 is the date form of April 9th
————————————
Conclusion
This is the undeniable evidence that Big Chungus will become real on April 9th, 2021 at exactly 2:31 PM
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It actually is.
When I was a virgin I was a right-wing conservative incel puritan with radical extremist fundamentalist fanaticism to my religion
The day after I lost my virginity it actually made me think a lot and gave me lots of new perspective and I ended up being a left-wing liberal atheist.
