When life gives you lemons
Its Cave Johnson’s audio log from Portal 2 about the lemon rant or when life give you lemons.
When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Alright I’ve been thinking…when life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. I don’t want you damn lemons what am I supposed to do with these!? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give STANFORD PINES lemons, do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna BURN your house down! With the LEMONS! I’m gonna have my engineers invent a COMBUSTIBLE LEMON that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
Jerma pain
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⢹⣿⡗ ⡀⣾⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠄⠄⠄ . ⣵⣿⡿⢹⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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r/boobs is a fucking nightmare and needs to be improved

Hey guys, softcore porn and erotica addict here, and I am fuming. Every time I get horny and want to go see some huge mommy milky badonkaloos on r/boobs, I get immediately flaccid because of how bad the posts are. The titles are fucking stupid and the angles are all shit. And not to mention the videos. Oooh man the videos. These woman Redditors really have never seen a male Redditor in their entire life. They also do the same things with their boobs with the bouncing and pushing of boobs around. It gets repetitive. At this point the size doesn’t even matter. Like please for once can we get some nipple play or something? Please do nipple play it’s so fucking hot.
Edit: Thanks for suggesting all the nsfw subreddits I’m not disappointed
THERE IS NO LATE SUBMISSION!

THERE IS NO LATE SUBMISSION!!!!! PROJECT MUST BE UPLOADED on its DUE DATE, which is WEDNESDAY JUNE 2 by 11:59pm
DON"T FORGET to CLICK the "SUBMIT" button. OTHERWISE, IT WILL SHOW UP as "MISSING" and YOU WILL RECEIVE A BIG FAT ZERO!!!!!! You will get that if you didn't complete this project AT ALL without any attachment/document upload.
JUST CLICK THAT "SUBMIT" button after you upload so your final project can be graded. Don't email me " Why did I get a zero?" YOUR OWN EARS have LISTENED in class or ZOOM and YOUR OWN EYES HAVE SEEN & BEEN OPENED and YOUR FINGERS have CLICKED that SUBMIT button on GOOGLE CLASSROOM! As your teacher, please reach out to HELP YOUR SOUL.. I meant your assignment y'all!
GOOD LUCK!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU GOT THIS! Don't be plagiarizing and copying and pasting stuff. Don;'t do it, y'all! Jesus, ALLAH, other higher spiritual being or entity, be watching you!
I caught my brother jacking off to FNaF

I came home from work the other day and heard a rocking sound coming from upstairs. I shouted, "Hello, hello hello?" from the bottom of the stairs but no one responded. So, I decided to my brother's door after knocking and, it turns out, my brother couldn't hear me because he was wearing headphones. That is when I looked down and noticed he was masturbating to fucking mangle from FNaF 2.
I don't fucking get it, why fucking mangle? Out of all the animatronics in that shithole would you chose mangle. Why not Chica - the animatronic literally has tits - why would you chose a fucking ripped up, scrap to masturbate to - it is literally called "mangle" i.e. to be mangled.
The worst part about it is that my brother is only fourteen, but already has a larger cock than my boyfriend (my brother looks about 8.5/8.6 inches, my boyfriend is only 6.9/7 inches) and so now I can't help but fantasise about my brother.
I hate my life.
Edit: You all wanted the link to my brother's porn - here you go: https://www.luscious.net/albums/mangle-fnaf_350166/