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Steamed Hams transcript

    Simpsons season 7 episode 21 "Steamed Hams" scene
    Full video
    Open full dialogue
    I don't know if this has been posted before but here goes nothing.

ding dong

Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
yeah...

gasp Oh egads! My roast is ruined!
But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?
Oh hohoho... Delightfully devilish, Seymour!

ah-
intro theme plays

Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
when you hear Skinner's lame exaggerations there'll be trouble in town tonight!

SEYMOOOOOOOUUUUURRRR

Superintendent I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?

Why is there smoke coming out of your oven Seymour?

Oh that's not smoke, it's steam! Steamed from the steamed clams we're having! mmmm! Steamed clams!
Phew!

Superintendent I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

I thought we were having steamed clams?

Oh, no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
Uh huh. What region?
Upstate New York.
Really. Well i'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Oh not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
I see.

You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Oh hohohoho no! Patented Skinner Burgers, an old family recipe!

For steamed hams.
Yes!
Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

y- uh- you know- One thing I sh-
Excuse me for one second.
Of course.

Aaaaaa well. That was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
Yes i should be-
GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?
Aurora Borealis.
A- Aurora Borealis. At this time of year,
At this time of day,
In this part of the country,
Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Yes!
May i see it?
No.

Seymour! The house is on fire!
No mother, it's just the northern lights.

Well Seymour, I must say, you are an odd fellow.
But you steam a good ham.

HELP! HEEEEELP!

short firetruck noise
    Open full dialogue with caption
    CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions.
SKINNER: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
CHALMERS: Uhh...
SKINNER: [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Seymour!
CHALMERS: Uh-
[cue song]
Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
[end of song]
CHALMERS: Seymour!
SKINNER: Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
CHALMERS: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER: Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams! [beat] Ooh...
[a few moments later]
SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
CHALMERS: I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
CHALMERS: You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"
SKINNER: Yes. It's a regional dialect!
CHALMERS: Uh-huh... uh, what region?
SKINNER: Uhh... upstate New York?
CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER: Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
CHALMERS: For steamed hams?
SKINNER: Yes.
CHALMERS: Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
SKINNER: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.
CHALMERS: Of course.
SKINNER: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
CHALMERS: Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?
SKINNER: Aurora borealis?
CHALMERS: Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: May I see it?
SKINNER: No.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Seymour, the house is on fire!
SKINNER: No, mother—it's just the northern lights!
CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.
SKINNER'S MOTHER: Help! Help!

    Nooooooooo ASCII

      ⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿ ⡆⠊⠈⣿⢿⡟⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣎⠈⠻ ⣷⣠⠁⢀⠰⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠛⠛⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⢹⣿⡑⠐⢰ ⣿⣿⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡩⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠠⠈⠊⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠁⢀⠆⢀ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⢤⣿⣿⡿⠃⠈⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣇⡆⠀⠀⣠⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⣦⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣷⣦⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⣾⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣧⠀⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣠⣂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣁⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⣤⣤⣔⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

      Run that back because that joke was horrible

        When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day.
        Original video
        Run that back, because that joke was horrible nigga, open your mouth. *fart sound* When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day. *camera flashes* Bitch ass boy and I fucked your mom long dick style. Stop playing with me faggot ass boy. Now I’m boutta cut the shit outta your faggot ass. Fuck is you talmbout you just got combo’d by Marski, Marski Salarsky, bitch ass boy. You mad as shit cuz I smacked yo mama in the back of the neck with a piece of ham and that bitch turned into a ham sandwich and started saying "GOBBITYGOBBADAGOBBGOBBGOBB" like she was a Thanksgiving chicken. Faggot bitch. She's not a fucking turkey she's a fucking chicken, faggot boy. Shut your bitch ass up. Your mom is allergic to chickens. Your mom has sex with this kid and Arnold Schwarzenneger behind the Toy Story Pizza Planet truck yelling, "Ya, get to the pizza! Ya!" and a fucking pepperoni slipped up her ass and she puked out a fucking booger. Bitch ass boy, shut yo bitch ass up. 
        Run that back ⏪⏪ Because that joke was horrible nigga🤨 Open your mouth 🚶🏾💨😫 When you speak to me speak with yo chin up like it’s picture day 📷📸 Bitch ass boy and I fucked your mom long dick style 🥵🎶🕺🏼 Stop playing with me faggot ass boi 😨😰 now i’m finnach cook the shit outta yo faggot ass👨‍🍳👨‍🍳 fuck is you talmbout🤨🤫you just got combo’d 🖐🏾😫 by Marski🥱 Marski Salarski🤓😜 bitch ass boi😈You mad as shit because i smacked👋 yo mama the back of her neck with a piece of ham 🐖 and dat bitch turned into a ham sandwich 🥪😳 She started sayin GOBBITY🤪GOBBADA🤪GOBB🤪GOBB🤪GOBB 🦃 like she was a thanksgiving chicken🐔 faggot bitch🤭

        You just got r/woosh

          r/woosh get it?
          Perfect reply
          WOW kid you just got r/WOOOOOOSHED!!!! 😂😂👀

"Wooosh" means you didn't get the joke, as in the sound made when the joke "woooshes" over your head. I bet you're too stupid to get it, IDIOT!! 😤😤😂

His joke was so thoughtfully crafted and took him a total of like 3 minutes, you SHOULD be laughing. 🤬 What's that? His joke is bad? I think that's just because you failed. He outsmarted you, nitwit.🤭

In conclusion, I am posting this to the community known as "R/Wooooosh" to claim my internet points in your embarrassment 😏. Imbecile. The Germans refer to this action as "Schadenfreude," which means "harm-joy" 😬😲. WOW! 🤪 Another reference I had to explain to you. 🤦‍♂️🤭 I am going to cease this conversation for I do not converse with simple minded persons.😏😂

          My first even orgasm came from an electric fence

            Least depraved redditor
            My first ever orgasm came from an electric fence.

I don't know if this really fits here, if it doesn't then sorry I'll delete.

When I was young, about 12 or something, I was walking through the woods near my house. There are a lot of farmlands around here and some have electric fences. Me being young and stupid, I wanted to cut through a field to get to the other side quicker, I knew the fence was electrified so I used a tree to jump over it, the issue was that there wasn't a tree at the other end, so I used an old bucket to try and jump over it.

Basically the bucket fell away from me and I landed crotch first on the fence. To this day I've never experienced so much pain and pleasure at the same time, or even separately. I fell off onto the grass, shaking and orgasming for almost a full minute. I ended up wetting myself and having to spend an hour walking back home, my legs were too weak to walk for the first half hour so it took way longer than usual to get back.

It was the most intense pleasure ever, and to this day I've always wanted to try and recreate it, for obvious reasons I haven't and probably never will, but it haunts me that I'll never feel that pleasure again.

            Hoyeon Jung copypasta

              Jung Ho-yeon is an actress that starred in the popular Netflix show Squid Game.
              Hoyeon Jung, Squid Game star, reveals in a recent interview to Vogue Korea that lately she's been obsessed with watching @xQc on Twitch.

"I just think he's something the world needs right now, whenever I watch him my mood changes for the better."
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“I just think it's something the world needs right now. Whenever I play it, my mood changes for the better.”
              Hoyeon Jung, Squid Game star, reveals in a recent interview to Vogue Korea that lately she’s been obsessed with the “Boston Celtics.” 

“I just think it’s something the world needs right now. Whenever I watch them, my mood changes for the better.”