I astral projected and entered the spirit realm and flashed my nutsack at Allah and he killed my mom. I tried bringing her back to life with selenite and quartz but she's dead and now Allah is banging my mom in the astral plane. I covered my house in salt and burned sage to try and cleanse his negative energy away but I can sense he is coming to kill and fuck the spirits of more of my family members. My goldfish is sick and I think he's next. Nobody is safe. Protect yourselves, witches.
I have a system of 911,420 alters!
Here are some of them ✨✨✨✨
Dream (he/him/she/her/ße/ßeself/racist/racistself) (struggles from ADHD, cancer, and DID), straight, triggered by cheaters
COVID-19 (mask/maskself) (struggles with being sexist), pansexual, anti vax, triggered by vaccines
Margaret Thatcher (she/her/piss/pissself/Britainself) (hates Argentinian people), asexual,
McDonalds Big Mac (she/her/burgerself/cum/cumself) (suffers from diarrhea), shitsexual
The US State of Missouri (Missouri/Missouriself) (has OCD, Tourette’s, ADHD, Depression, DID, OSDD, Cancer, Gonorrhea, and COVID), goth, bisexual, trans, triggered by high crime rates
Uncle Clarence (he/him/molesterself), gay, triggered by women (sorry!)
My Toilet (it/itself/piss/pissself/shit/shitself) (has diarrhea and PTSD), pansexual, has a piss kink, triggered by plungers
Joseph Stalin (he/him/Swedish Welfare System) (hates Ukrainians), asexual, triggered by food, especially wheat
I hope I am valid 💕💕💕💖💖✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨🖤💜💜🖤💜🖤💜 -Margaret Thatcher
So yesterday I was having some sexy (sex) time (not too much) with my female (F) wife. Everything was going fine, plec, plec, plec, ploc, ploc, ploc, until I had the urge to set my prostate yogurt free. I took a long breath and let it rip, and in the end of the flow I announced "NOT THE CHICKEN, NOR THE EGG... I CAME FIRST" and slapped my girl's ass. She hasn't spoke to me since the incident and it's been five days. What should I do, reddit?
So yesterday at lunch, I was about to eat with my friends from band when I realized that there was an empty seat at a table with some of the popular kids. I decided to take advantage of this opportunity to troll them, and perhaps befriend some of them. I sat at their table, and right as I sat down, I noticed that one of the kids (who happened to be black) was sitting above a vent. I yelled "Black is sus! He's on top of a vent!!" Everyone at the table looked up at me, but no one laughed (they probably didn't get the reference). I decided that I would try to get them to be familiar with it, so I asked "Do to guys wanna play some Among Us???" They were all dead silent (honestly they just didn't know how fun of a game it was). I slapped the middle of our table (to mimick the "emergency meeting" feature in Among Us), and I screamed "EMERGENCY MEETING!!!" Again, none of them laughed. One of them looked at me and said "Can you please sit somewhere else?" At this point, I realized that I had to make them laugh quickly, or I would blow my chance with them. I made the widest grin I could possibly make (Trying to mimick the "When the imposter is sus" meme) and I said "When the impoter is sus". I then tried to make a face that resembled the "Flushed" emoji (as part of the meme). However, I don't think any of them understood the reference. I then pulled up the among us theme song on Youtube and played it on full blast. At this point, everyone at my table was asking for me to leave, and their friend came back, who regularly sat in the chair I was sitting in. I went back to sit with my friends from band. However, I will forever remember the time I trolled ALL of the popular kids in my grade.
Wait, these are PROFESSIONAL valorant players? I'm better than all of them and I'm in bronze. I purposely empty my vandal clip down to 1 bullet because I kill all my opponents with 1 tap ease. Tenz looks like he could use some lessons from me directly. I'm bronze by the way.
No, you are not a “Man of Culture”. You are a 19 year old who has no romantic partner because you have a chronic addiction to anime porn where the characters dont look or sound any older than 13, seriously, the stuff you are watching should be illegal. Getting off to fictional drawings of ambiguous age THREE times a day is not even remotely cultured, it just makes you a sex-addicted pedophile. What’s gotten into you? You’re better than this.
