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My first love

    Her name was april, she had braces. She went down town on me, we were having fun.she deepthroated. Then that connective tissue that attaches the base of your cock to your scrotum sack got caught inbetween her bottom 2 teeth, suddenly i feel this sharp pulling and she stops with my cock down her throat we look at each other and she goes "EEeef Boff ooua oua eeef"(it's hard to talk with a cock in your mouth) anyway i reach down with my hand and feel around for my balls and skin and yeah its in her braces, so i try pushing it around to get it out, my cocks still in her mouth, still mostly deep throat and so i'm still getting a blow job, my cocks now back at fully erect and shes slobbering and drooling all over my hand so i keep losing grip on the bag skin, suddenly i'm like oh fuck i think i'm going cum so i say stop moving stop moving she looks up and goes "Oua iiii" and that put me over the edge and i shot a load down her throat, she starts gagging and jerks her head away and riiiiiip. I'm howling in pain and shes puking cum.

Anyway she had to go to the orthodontist to get a piece of my scrotum removed. And i got a scar and this story.

We kinda didn't talk much after

    Detachable Penis

      Source
      I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time–it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn’t find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn’t seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, ‘cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time
So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without my penis for too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it–I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t know–even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

      Dear people who comment on porn

        Dear people who comment on porn, why? Do you really think whoever the fuck you’re masturbating to will see “you are gorgeous I would love to tittyfuck you, it would be my pleasure😍😍😍” will fly over to your house have sex with your fatass and then fly back? No. If it ever actually does happen, I’d bet that pornstar does it a lot. Which means constant flying. Porn commenters are causing global warming.

        Why is my BLACK friend so racist?

          So I was playing chess with my BLACK friend the other day and something rather curious happened. As we were about to start playing he asked, “Could I play as white this time?” Why is my BLACK friend being so racist????? Clearly your color doesn’t matter and as privileged white man myself I could not bear listening to these words!!!!!! Black? White? It’s all the same guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          4 5 Summers

            It’s Carti’s verse in Kanye West – Junya
            We took over🤘🏽🧛🏿‍♂️
            FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️ FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️ FOUR FIVE SUMMERS 🧛🏾🩸🗣‼️
            JUNYA WATANABE ON MY WRI 
            FO FIVE SUMMAS
            4️⃣5️⃣summas
            FO FIVE SUMMERS 🗣
            44️⃣55️⃣SUMMERS☀️44️⃣55️⃣SUMMERS☀️44️⃣55️⃣SUMMERS☀️44️⃣55️⃣SUMMERS☀️
            4 5 SUMMERS HOLD UP UH 4 5 SUMMERS HOLD UP 4 5 SUMMERS HOLD UP UH 4 5 SUMMERS HOLD UP
            JUNYA WATANABE ON MY WRIST ⌚️I CANT REALLY SEE WHERE I MISSED 🧐🧐JUNYA WATANABE ON MY WRIST 💎⌚️🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣ SUMMERS 🔥 🧛🏼 FOUR 🔮 FIVE 5️⃣

            AITA for dropping my 6 year old off at an orphanage for his inability to Minecraft pvp?

              Am I The Asshole for dropping my 6 year old off at an orphanage for his inability to Minecraft pvp?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his cartoons with beginner pvp youtube videos and Dream's Manhunt series. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Sweatgod's videos playing while he is sleeping and only having Bloje on the TV to try and make him understand the community. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a sword and a rod even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to pvp the best by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at minecraft pvp check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.