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IM A PEDO MORTY!!! IM PEDOPHILE RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Justin Roiland related pasta
    "I MADE QUESTIONABLE CONVERSATIONS WITH GIRLS I KNEW WERE TEENAGERS, MORTY, I- I (buuurp) I TALKED TO THEM OVER TEXT AND DMS, M-MORTY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID MORTY? DO YOU KNOW? I SOFT GROOMED THEM, MORTY. I SOFT GROOMED THOSE GIRLS. WUBALUBADUBDUB!!!! Ohhhhhh jeeeeeeeezzz Rick, I mean, that's kind of fucked up don't you think, I mean, those girls, they were underaged and- DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT, MORTY? THAT'S WHY I DID IT. I SOFT GROOMED THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE, MAR-MORTY. MY FUNCTIONAL CAREER IS OVER, MORTY. Ohhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeze Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHUT THE FUCK UP MORTY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, MORTY. I'M GONNA BEAT MY WIFE, MORTY. I'M GOING TO BEAT MY FUCKING WIFE. I'M GOING TO BEAT HER TO DEATH MORTY, BECAUSE THEN SHE'LL BE DEAD, AND I'LL GET DOMESTIC ABUSE CHARGES. JUST ME, BEATING MY WIFE, MORTY. FOR A HUNDRED YEARS. A HUNDRED SEASONS, NOTHING BUT 100 EPISODES A SEASON EVERY YEAR, ME, BEATING MY DEAD WIFE, MORTY. BEATING MY WIFE AND TALKING TO UNDERAGED GIRLS WHILE I'M DRUNK, MORTY. A HUNDRED SEASONS. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick"
    IM A PEDO MORTY!!! IM PEDOPHILE RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I MADE QUESTIONABLE CONVERSATIONS WITH GIRLS I KNEW WERE TEENAGERS, MORTY, I- I (buuurp) I TALKED TO THEM OVER TEXT AND DMS, M-MORTY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID MORTY? DO YOU KNOW? I SOFT GROOMED THEM, MORTY. I SOFT GROOMED THOSE GIRLS. WUBALUBADUBDUB!!!! Ohhhhhh jeeeeeeeezzz Rick, I mean, that's kind of fucked up don't you think, I mean, those girls, they were underaged and- DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT, MORTY? THAT'S WHY I DID IT. I SOFT GROOMED THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE, MAR-MORTY. MY FUNCTIONAL CAREER IS OVER, MORTY. Ohhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeze Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHUT THE FUCK UP MORTY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, MORTY. I'M GONNA BEAT MY WIFE, MORTY. I'M GOING TO BEAT MY FUCKING WIFE. I'M GOING TO BEAT HER TO DEATH MORTY, BECAUSE THEN SHE'LL BE DEAD, AND I'LL GET DOMESTIC ABUSE CHARGES. JUST ME, BEATING MY WIFE, MORTY. FOR A HUNDRED YEARS. A HUNDRED SEASONS, NOTHING BUT 100 EPISODES A SEASON EVERY YEAR, ME, BEATING MY DEAD WIFE, MORTY. BEATING MY WIFE AND TALKING TO UNDERAGED GIRLS WHILE I'M DRUNK, MORTY. A HUNDRED SEASONS. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick"

    What is this shit?

      Original source
      What is this shit? Every single time I see this uninspired bullshit-ass half-cocked nonsense it's absolutely nothing. There is no joke here. There is no subtext. There is no comedy. This is just a series of vignettes showing things that wouldn't be interesting if they happened to me. I wouldn't find this engaging if I witnessed it occurring from across the room, and yet this artist has decided it deserved to be committed to MS Paint so that we could all witness their mundane life in perpetuity.

I mean, seriously, is this an NFT-type scam or something? Are they using their Patreon to launder money, and driving upvotes here in order to create the illusion that they could realistically be receiving that much? I just cannot fathom that something so "haha relatable" without the "haha" bit could be generating THOUSANDS of positive interactions.

      Examination of my femboys ass with a flashlight

        Examiner notes: It is 10:09 AM EST and pre-examination procedures are being conducted. The specimen has rinsed its rectum with a sanitizing agent in preparation for the procedure. Upon insertion of the distal phalange with sterile medical examination gloves, the specimen’s mucosa were substantially hemorrhaged from prior penetration by the examiner. Upon insertion of the middle phalange, it was noted that the specimen’s transitional zone was inflamed. Redness and swelling were observed. During insertion of the proximal phalange, the specimen performed thrusting motions and verbally communicated indications of pleasure. The specimen’s sphincter muscles were tender. Upon contact between the examiner’s distal phalange and the specimen’s prostate gland, the specimen began to experience convulsions. Upon penile penetration, the examiner noted immense friction and premature ejaculation into the specimen’s rectum.

Findings: Despite subsequent minor injuries from prior penetration by the examiner, both the examiner and the specimen indicated pleasure. It is noted that the specimen does not require resting intervals between penile penetrative activity.

        Adult Swim cuts ties with Justin Roiland

          I MADE QUESTIONABLE CONVERSATIONS WITH GIRLS I KNEW WERE TEENAGERS, MORTY, I- I (buuurp) I TALKED TO THEM OVER TEXT AND DMS, M-MORTY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID MORTY? DO YOU KNOW? I SOFT GROOMED THEM, MORTY. I SOFT GROOMED THOSE GIRLS. WUBALUBADUBDUB!!!!

Ohhhhhh jeeeeeeeezzz Rick, I mean, that's kind of fucked up don't you think, I mean, those girls, they were underaged and-

DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT, MORTY? THAT'S WHY I DID IT. I SOFT GROOMED THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE, MAR-MORTY. MY FUNCTIONAL CAREER IS OVER, MORTY.

Ohhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeze Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SHUT THE FUCK UP MORTY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, MORTY. I'M GONNA BEAT MY WIFE, MORTY. I'M GOING TO BEAT MY FUCKING WIFE. I'M GOING TO BEAT HER TO DEATH MORTY, BECAUSE THEN SHE'LL BE DEAD, AND I'LL GET DOMESTIC ABUSE CHARGES. JUST ME, BEATING MY WIFE, MORTY. FOR A HUNDRED YEARS. A HUNDRED SEASONS, NOTHING BUT 100 EPISODES A SEASON EVERY YEAR, ME, BEATING MY DEAD WIFE, MORTY. BEATING MY WIFE AND TALKING TO UNDERAGED GIRLS WHILE I'M DRUNK, MORTY. A HUNDRED SEASONS.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
          We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch! We had Adult Swim. We had a lab. We had everything we needed, and it all ran like clockwork. You could've shut your mouth, do your voices and made as much money as you ever needed. It was perfect. But, no, you just had to blow it up. You and your dick

          Borat intro

            Source
            Jagshemash! My name Borat! I like you, I like sex. Is nice. This my country of Kazakhstan. It locate between Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan, and assholes Uzbekistan. This my town of Kuzcek. This Orkin, the town rabist. Naughty naughty! Over here, our town kindergarten. And here, our leader Mukhtar Sakhanov, the town mechanic and abortionist. This my house, entry, please.

He's my neighbour, Nursultan Tulyakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success.

This is Natalia. She is my sister. She number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. Nice!

This my mother. She is forty-three. I love her.

And this, my wife Oksana. She is a boring.

Cine sunt io, mă? Cine sunt io, mă?! Tu te duci dracului în pizda mă-tii! Mă te sparg mă de nenorocit!

This a where I lives. My bed. This is a VCR recorder, and this a play cassettes. Now I show you outside my houses. Tishe.

            My mother found out I call my girlfriend mommy

              So for full context I'm a man in my late 20's, my girlfriend is in her early 30's and my mom is in her late 50's. My girlfriend and I engage in "mommydom" where she's dominant in and outside of the bedroom. She also likes it when I call her mommy during sex and just as a term of endearment. This has nothing to do with my actual mother and I don't have any sexual desires towards her. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and engage in a lot of BDSM activities with the "mommydom" play and I'm always submissive. It's my kink and what gets me off. I can't explain it.

Well as for how my mother found out it's really my own fault. I have my girlfriend as "Mommy" in my phone and my mom as "mom" and my girlfriend gets off when I send her pictures at work. She made me wear a chastity cage for a week (a cage over my penis to deny it any stimulation, keep it from becoming erect and it has a locking mechanism so I can't take it off) and I accidentally replied to mom instead of mommy via text message with a picture of my penis in the cage with the text message of "I'm trying to be a good boy mommy but the cage is so tight. It's coming off tomorrow right?" I sent a picture of my penis in a chastity cage to my actual mother.

Obviously she responds with "What the fuck!?" Then immediately starts laying into me via text. I explained at surface level what our relationship is and said it was "Gross" and that she was ashamed. She got into a text argument with my girlfriend as well. I talked to her and she eventually calmed down and said she reacted poorly and apologized but she just begged me not to ever hear anything about it again. My girlfriend was still angry about names she called her though. But my mom invited us to dinner. My girlfriend was wearing her coat since it was cold and during dinner my girlfriend took off her coat and she was wearing a very low cut shirt that says "Your son calls me mommy too." The moment she took it off my mom yells "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Then they started fighting.

We ended up leaving early while my face was incredibly red during the whole drive back. I'm trying to get them to reconcile and my girlfriend agrees that was petty and apologized for her behavior but my mom is still angry with both of us now and I don't know what to do.