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I PRANK CALLED AMBER HEARD AT 3 AM AND I WOKE UP WITH SH*T BESIDE ME

    Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial copypasta
    So I was watching the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial, and when it reached the part where it was revealed that Amber shat on Johnny's side of the bed, I was fascinated. Now, first of all, I didn't even know women could fart, let alone take a WHOLE ASS SHIT on someone's bed. And I know for a fact that that woman actually did the deed, because I got to agree with JD that it was neither of his dogs. Literally huge chunks of turd were scattered on the sheets as shown in the photo but Amber is gonna blame the fucking dogs? You're not fooling anybody, Amber! Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those weirdos who gets turned on by literal pieces of shit spewing out of someone's ass, but for some reason I was just intrigued by the mere fact that a woman had the ability to excrete such amounts of fecal matter. So I did some research on Bing and after 5 gruelling hours, I managed to find Amber Heard's number so I decided to call her. Only for me to realize seconds after making the call that it was 3AM and she probably wouldn't even respond. I was nervous: what if she doesn't respond? How will I be able to make this inquiry about how her body could be capable of doing such a feat? Luckily, it went to voicemail and so I decided to leave a lil message for Amber: "Hey Amber, this might be a long shot but I just want to ask did you really take a dump on Mister Sparrow's bed and I was wondering if you were going to do the same to mine? Thank you!". I had obviously wanted to prank her, and as I went to sleep I didn't think much of the message. But then, about 4 hours later, I was awaken by this pungent, putrid stench that almost made me think that I shat myself in my sleep again. I recalled the events of the previous night, and realized something. I slowly turned myself to face the other side of my bed, nervously anticipating... And it was true, Amber Heard intruded my home and took a BIG FAT SHIT in my bed. Was I happy, was I mad? I didn't really know, but I sure was glad to discover first-hand that women could indeed defecate.

    Haha yeah I’d never touch hands

      Islam prayer copypasta
      Haha yeah I'd never touch hands, thighs or feet with you during the prayer lol😅.... unless there's no one in the mosque other than us🙄🙄🙄..... Haha jk I would just pray alone in the corner😔 and feel lonely.... unless you follow me outside the mosque🏃‍♂️.... Lmao jk, even if we exchanged numbers it would be just to help each other with reciting Quran😂😂... unless one night during Ramadan.... I feel very lonely and nobody's answering my texts and then I text you: "I can't forget your smell".... Haha I'M JUST Joking wtf that's a really weird message that would make you block me immediately and tell everyone that I'm gay and tried to hit on you!!!... unless you reply: "I was bending over really hard while praying on purpose, to let you get a whiff of my butt".... ROFL THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN it's gay and homosexuality is a sin in Islam.... unless we find a liberal Sheikh who issues a fatwa that homosexuality isn't a sin and we start dating.... Hahahaha it's so dumb I'm literally laughing so hard rn, like even if we started dating, our relationship would go nowhere since gay marriage is illegal in Islamic countries.... unless we move to the US and start a new life and adopt a child and name him Saddam.... OMG that's so dumb our families would disown us and we'll lose everyone's respect.... unless we don't tell anybody and we build a mosque and become Imams and everyone in our community will love us for being God's men and building a mosque in a western country.... Lol what a stupid idea hahaha like how are we even going to live together afterwards, everyone will suspect that we're gay... unless we buy houses that are next to each other and build an underground tunnel that connects them.... LOOOOL I'm such a goofball, like that's not a good environment for raising our son Saddam!!!.... unless that's the point of having a son named Saddam, he will have a damaged childhood that will lead to him becoming a merciless dictator just like Hitler...... Lol noooo I would never do something that will lead to a second holocaust

unless???....😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

      Medusa is the ultimate blowjob machine.

        Medusa is the ultimate blowjob machine. Everyone that looks at her gets rock hard, and her 12-15 snakes are ready to suck every single cock that comes at her. In Greek Mythology, Medusa is also called Gorgo, because she is gorging all those cocks all by herself. It is a common misconception that the poison from her snakes is lethal, but the fact of the matter is that it works as the perfect aphrodisiac, creating a stone ocean of pleasure. You will not ever want to go back to normal blowjobs ever again, after you tried getting seduca'd by the medusa.

        I hope Irelia wins xD

          Irelia from LoL copypasta
          I hope Irelia wins xD. I’m a Irelia main and she’s just so fun!! People get so trolled by her jumping on a minions like monkey, and her voice lines are so cute like when she tells screams IOOOOOOONIA LOL! She’s super random but also smarter than she looks, just like me xD

          Hi, I’m Saul Goodman.

            Saul Goodman copypasta
            Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The constitution says you do! And so do I.

Conscience gets expensive, doesn't it?

For a substantial fee, and I do mean substantial, you and your loved ones can vanish. Untraceable.

I want it in a money order and make it out to Ice Station Zebra Associates. That's my loan out. It's totally legit … it's done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask, all right?

You're a high-risk client. You're gonna need the deluxe service. It's gonna cost you.

If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.

I never should have let my dojo membership run out.

Better safe than sorry. That's my motto.

As to your dead guy, occupational hazard. Drug dealer getting shot? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it's been known to happen."

Don't drink and drive, but if you do, call me.
            Hi. I'm Saul Goodman.👨🏼‍⚖️👨🏼‍⚖️ 👨🏼‍⚖️ Did you know that you have rights? 🤨🤨🤨 The Constitution says you do.📜📜

And so do I.🙋🏼‍♂️🙋🏼‍♂️🙋🏼‍♂️ I believe, that until proven guilty,⚖️⚖️⚖️

every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent.✅✅✅

And that's why I fight for you,🫂🫂

Albuquerque! Better call Saul. Saul Goodman, attorney 🗽🗽🗽

            is that… a GIRL?!!!?

              Humina humina bazoing 
              Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

girls?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh like, here?

*starts sweating*

uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*starts drooling*

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*wide eyed*

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

*starts farting*

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*starts shitting with bloodshot eyes*

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*poopie leaking out of my shorts*

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*starts convulsing which makes the shit run down my shaved legs even faster*

UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH

*gets a boner*

UUUHHH-UHHH-UHHHHH-UUUUHHHH-UHHHH-UUUUHHHHHHH-UUUUHHHHHHHHH-UHHHHH-UUUUUUHHHHHHHHH

*passes out*