I really want a girlfriend, yes that's normal and cheesy I know, but I want a specific type of one. I really want a girlfriend that would lie on top of me and sleep naked and look at me with a shy look on her face. And when sexy time comes. I want insert an unlubed anal plug inside her and I want her to beg me to be gentle, not to be rough, so on so fourth. And after that I want to fuck her roughly and make her scream and squirm saying that I'm too rough, or it hurts, etc. Then what happens next is that I want to her to meow like a cat so when she does that, I would say "Who's a dirty kitten?" and if she doesn't say anything, I would choke her neck with a collar and repeat the same question until se says "I am". I really want a submissive girlfriend aaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I also want her to look at me with puppy eyes if she wants something or to ask something. I want her to wear a cat tail anal plug and cat ears and make her walk around the house wearing those on all fours during Friday's and Saturday's. When she asks me something, I want her to say questions like "Will you fuck me today master meow?" or "I've been a good girl today meow, will you please rub my tits" and stuff like that. I really want a submissive girlfriend that would do all these things as these really turns me on and I would really like a girlfriend that acts like a kitten aaaaaaaaaaaa.
This is vladimir Putin, President of Russia
Some people kidnapped me and put my duplicate in Russia. I didn't start the war, he did. I escaped and now hiding in your country. Can you send me 3000rs so I can go back to Russia and stop this war. This is real me.
SCP-7003
Object Class: Keter
Special containment procedures: A show titled "Breaking Bad" is to be talked about almost non stop by approximately 3% of the population to keep up the disguise that Dean Norris is a real person who plays the role of "Hank Schrader".
Spinoffs and additional movies or TV shows are to be authorised by Senior Researcher Dr [REDACTED].
Description: SCP-7003 takes the form of an anomalous twitter page under the user "Dean Norris". The posts are seemingly normal however few appear to have a cognitohazardous effect on readers, leading them to immediately rewatch all foundation published material relating to Breaking Bad.
If no content is available, readers will find themselves needing to get to Albuquerque to "warn Hank" however, to warn him of what is currently unknown. Class A amnesics are to be administered to anyone caught showing such effects.
Nowadays it's like 20 people per day saying shit like that. There should be a system that automatically filters them out and sends the appropriate resources to the person in need. If the resources work, great! If they don't, at least no one else has to live with the knowledge that like 20 redditors killed themselves today. Without this ban, there's a chance that someone only stays alive because their post got like 200 upvites and thought "Oh now I am something!" It's depressing.
Edit: thanks guys got my first Reddit care message
Claiming to have 80gb of horse porn doesn't make you cool or hilarious, it just shows that you have awful taste in horse porn.
Horses only last for a minute or two tops when fucking, most horse porn is like 240p so they take up very little megabytes, if you have long 10-20 minute videos this isn't the horse fucking it is some girl just sucking on and jerking the soft dick of a horse for most of the 10-20 minutes, most horse porn is poorly performed meaning the girls stand on the side and try to 'dildo' themselves with the horse dick rather than actually getting fucked and that's not in the spirit of horse porn. 80 gigabytes of that shit would be 99% low quality videos of women standing around fondling soft horse dick, if you can even find 80 gigabytes to begin with.
Somehow horse porn is legal in the US but actually fucking horses is a felony, it doesn't make sense. Gays don't get stoned to death anymore, why are we being hypocrites towards people who fuck horses?
Good god what a day.
So I was minding my business in my room, when I start hearing this buzzing noise from somewhere. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, and honestly it sounded like a vacuum coming from the room above. It goes on for a few minutes until my mom comes into my room and asks me where the noise is coming from. At the time it’s just me and my mom in our house, so we start investigating. Sure enough it’s coming from my sisters room, underneath her bed. My mom asks me to retrieve whatever’s making the noise.
“What is it?”
I reach under the bed, and I find what’s making the noise. Oh no
I lie. “Uhh, yeah it’s an alarm clock”
“Can you take it out?”
I start panicking inside “Uhh sorry I can’t it’s stuck”
“What do you mean it’s stuck?”
“Idk wait give me a sec I need a flashlight”
I rush back to my room and at this point I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to expose my sister and idk how my mom would react. My mom is feeling a bit sick so she can’t reach down there herself. I grab my alarm clock and go back to my sisters room.
I hid it from my mom but I pretend to reach for something under the bed, and I show my alarm clock to my mom. Thankfully she doesn’t know it’s mine. So the official story now is that her alarm clock went off bc it was set at the wrong time.
My sister gets home, and my mom scolds her for setting her alarm clock at the wrong time. She looks confused since she doesn’t have one. I tell her to be more careful about her alarm clock next time. I think she knows what happened, she hasn’t left the room for awhile.
tl/dr: I found a vibrator underneath my sister’s bed, created a lie to prevent my mom from finding out. she now owes me big time