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Palhaço na Smartfit

    porra mano fui pra smart fit ontem pra fazer peito e triceps ta ligado
    
    ai la no canto tem uma area de crossfit puta area merda kkkkkkkkkkkk nem sei pq falei isso mas e dai
    
    enfim, tava la fazendo um fly suavao ai do nada me entra um palhaço na academia
    
    velho to falando de um palhaço mesmo, nao tipo o it ou tiririca que eh um meia foda de um palhaço
    
    eh um palhaço mesmo mano, pique os de circo manja
    
    suave tava no descanso do bi-set so fiquei de olho
    
    mano o palhaço nao vai no rack dos peso e cata 3 anilha de 25 kilo e começa a faze malabaris no bagulho
    
    porra jao 25 kilo cada
    
    a porra da academia travou pra ver aquele filho da puta brincando como se fosse com bolinha de tenis tiu
    
    ai um dos instrutor, o mais merda ne tinha q ser
    
    chego nele e falo "o jao para com essa porra ai vai machuca alguem mano"
    
    o palhaço olho pra ele sorrindo e ignoro
    
    nao e q deu merda, o ronald mcdonald do caralho solto uma anilha bem no pe e ele começa a chora q nem um bebe, no mesmo timbre
    
    o instrutor entro em choque
    
    ai o palhaço tira o sapato nr 55 dele e mostra que nao pegou, seguido de um HONK HONK com o nariz
    
    mano esse bagulho foi foda
    
    o instrutor saiu e foi procurar a gerente da academia q tava na recepçao dando o cu sei la fazendo o q
    
    quando eles voltaram o palhaço ja tava fazendo dropset de agachamento com 160kg, negada tava pirando vendo aquele cuzao
    
    na hora o palhaço viu eles e agacho com tudo
    
    as calça dele rasgou e começou a cair uma pa de jujuba e ele gargalhando
    
    mano foi o pior dia da minha vida, amei

    Open English translated

    damn bro i went to smart fit yesterday to do chest and triceps ok
    there in the corner there's a crossfit area shit area kkkkkkkkkkkk I don't even know why I said that but so what
    Anyway, I was doing a sweaty fly and then out of nowhere a clown enters my gym
    old man I'm talking about a clown, not like the it or the sedge that's a half fuck of a clown
    he's a real clown bro, cut the circus ones
    smooth was on the bi-set rest so I kept an eye
    bro, the clown doesn't go to the weight rack and picks up 3 25 kilo washers and starts juggling the stuff
    damn already 25 kilos each
    the fucking gym crashed to see that son of a bitch playing like it was a tennis ball
    there one of the instructors, the shittiest one didn't have to be
    I go up to him and say "jao stop with that shit, it's going to hurt someone bro"
    the clown looks at him smiling and ignores
    It's not like shit, the fucking ronald mcdonald drops a band right on his foot and he starts crying like a baby, in the same timbre
    the instructor is in shock
    then the clown takes off his shoe nr 55 and shows that he didn't take it, followed by a HONK HONK with his nose
    man this shit was fuck
    the instructor left and went to look for the gym manager who was at the reception giving her ass what she was doing
    When they came back the clown was already doing a squat dropset with 160kg, I was freaking out watching that asshole
    at the time the clown saw them and I crouched down with everything
    his pants ripped and a piece of jelly beans started to fall and he laughed
    bro it was the worst day of my life, i loved it

    Quando começamos a namorar, o pai dela me perguntou: “você trabalha?”

      Quando começamos a namorar, o pai dela me perguntou: "você trabalha?"
      Eu todo feliz, respondi que sim.
      "Você trabalha com o que?"
      - Eu sou chapeiro, trabalho no centro.
      Ele questionou:
      "O que um chapinha faz?"
      Eu todo tímido respondi: eu faço hambúrguer senhor.
      Minha namorada tava com olho arregalado, pegou na minha mão e disse: 'pai, a gente vai sair e depois vocês conversam mais."
      Assim que saímos, ela disse:
      "Amor, não liga pro meu pai!"
      Eu falei que estava tranquilo, mas por dentro já me veio o medo de perde-la.
      Saímos e foi tudo perfeito, eu queria pagar a conta, mas ela fazia questão de rachar.
      No dia seguinte quando fui buscar em casa, eu ouvi o pai dela cochichar: "O que aquele assalariado tem pra te oferecer?"
      Nossa mano, aquilo acabou com a minha noite mais uma vez.
      Quando minha mina saiu, ela estava tão linda e com um sorriso disfarçado. Como se estivesse segurando o choro.
      A gente foi numa pracinha e ela tava tão caladinha.
      Eu perguntei:
      O que foi amor?
      "- nada vida."
      Eu olhei nos olhos dela e disse: não desista de mim!
      Os olhos dela se encheram de lágrimas.
      Eu estava no 9° período da faculdade de enfermagem. No último periodo comecei a fazer estágio.
      8 meses depois, eu aposentei meu avental preto e estreei o meu jaleco branco.
      Na minha formatura só estava ela e minha mãe. Elas estavam chorando com orgulho de mim.
      Peguei a recisão, dei entrada em um AP de 40m². Meus amigos fizeram um chá de casa nova e mobiliei aos poucos.
      Mesmo sem cama e sem sofá, adivinha quem tá grávida de 3 meses e tá aqui comigo hoje?
      A amiga dela que conheci em uns encontros de amigos e acabei vendo que era o amor da minha vida ISSO MESMO
      Não importa o que a mulher passou contigo, você não se torna prisioneiro por isso , se você se apaixonar por outra garota, largue e constitua um novo amor

      Open English translated

      When we started dating, her father asked me: "do you work?"
      Me all happy, I replied yes.
      "What's your occupation?"
      - I'm a hatter, I work downtown.
      He questioned:
      "What does a chap do?"
      Me all shy replied: I make burger sir.
      My girlfriend had wide eyes, she took my hand and said: 'Dad, we're going out and then you can talk more.
      As soon as we left, she said:
      "Love, don't mind my dad!"
      I said I was calm, but inside I was already afraid of losing her.
      We left and everything was perfect, I wanted to pay the bill but she insisted on splitting.
      The next day when I went to get it at home, I heard her father whisper: "What does that salaryman have to offer you?"
      Jeez bro, that ruined my night yet again.
      When my mine came out, she was so beautiful and with a smile in disguise. As if holding back tears.
      We went to a little square and she was so quiet.
      I asked:
      What happened dear?
      "- nothing life."
      I looked into her eyes and said: don't give up on me!
      Her eyes filled with tears.
      I was in the 9th period of nursing school. In the last period I started to do internship.
      8 months later, I retired my black apron and debuted my white lab coat.
      At my graduation there was only her and my mother. They were crying proud of me.
      I took the termination, I entered an AP of 40m². My friends made a new house tea and I furnished it little by little.
      Even without a bed and without a sofa, guess who is 3 months pregnant and is here with me today?
      Her friend that I met at some friends' meetings and ended up seeing that she was the love of my life THAT'S RIGHT
      It doesn't matter what the woman went through with you, you don't become a prisoner so if you fall in love with another girl, let go and make a new love

      banheiro todo gozado

        eu não sei se vocês sabem mas eu sou uma pessoa que come muito limão e abacaxi, e irmao, isso altera muito o gozo. eu sou basicamente o homem aranha, fiz uma teia de porra de um lado do banheiro ate o outro, nao limpei e agora to chamando de ponte de formiga açucarado
        
        minha porra ta tão borrachuda que parece um pneu, como eu consegui fabricar algo tao incrível quanto a isso? agora vou esperar ate amanhã e criar mais uma ponte açucarada. e nem disse mas a sensação do jato saindo pela cabeça do pau é incrível, porque vai muito rapido e muito longe e da mo sensação boa, é tipo um mijo de prazer, saca?
        
        edit: to a 2 semanas gozando no banheiro inteiro e ta quase impossível andar por aqui sem melar a cara de porraKKKKK, serio msm, mas como todavia no entanto tem seus problemas, tá começando a feder e nao acho muito bom trocar agua por limonada, to tendo problema sérios de saúde ja. meus amigos dizem que isso é nojento mas eu acho incrível o meu palácio, virou meu hobby ficar gozando o banheiro, todo dia no fap fap
        
        VAI TEIA

        Open English translated

        I don't know if you know, but I'm a person who eats a lot of lemons and pineapples, and brother, that changes my enjoyment a lot. I'm basically spiderman, I made a fucking web from one side of the bathroom to the other, I didn't clean it and now I'm calling it a sugar ant bridge
        my shit is so rubbery it looks like a tire, how did I manage to manufacture something as amazing as this? now I'll wait until tomorrow and create another sugary bridge. and I didn't even say it but the feeling of the jet coming out of the head of the dick is incredible, because it goes very fast and very far and it gives me a good feeling, it's like a piss of pleasure, you know?
        edit: I've been cumming in the entire bathroom for 2 weeks and it's almost impossible to walk around here without getting my fucking face KKKKK, seriously, but since it still has its problems, it's starting to stink and I don't think it's very good to change water for lemonade, I'm having serious health problems right now. my friends say it's disgusting but i think my palace is amazing, it's become my hobby to make fun of the bathroom, every day on fap fap
        GO WEB

        Stop saying “New response just dropped”

          Stop saying "New response just dropped" every time someone says something on this godforsaken sub, no, a new response did not drop, just an average mediocre statement that adds nothing more to a conversation, for the love of fucking god.
          Stop saying "New response just dropped" every time someone says something on this godforsaken sub, no, a new response did not drop, just an average mediocre statement that adds nothing more to a conversation, for the love of fucking god. if i see ONE more person mindlessly saying "New response just dropped" i'm going to chop my fucking pipi off. holy shit it is actually impressive how incredibly unfunny the entire sub is. it's not that complicated, REPEATING THE SAME FUCKING JOKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN DOES NOT MAKE IT FUNNIER. this stupid fucking meme has been milked to fucking death IT'S NOT FUNNIER THE 973RD TIME YOU MAKE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING JOKE. WHAT'S EVEN THE JOKE?????? IT'S JUST "haha it's the funne nEw ReSpoNsE thingy" STOP. and the WORST part is that new responses were actually funny for like a few years and it got fucking ruined in like a week because EVERYONE POSTED THE EXACT SAME FUCKING JOKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. SEEING ALL YOUR SHITTY MEMES IS ACTUAL FUCKING MENTAL TORTURE YOU ALL ARE NOT FUNNY. COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT FUCKING JOKE PLEASE...

          Copypasta de Vaporeon en Español

            Hey chicos, sabían que en terminos de reproducción entre hombres humanos y Pokémon hembras, Vaporeon es el Pokémon mas compatible para los Humanos?
            
            No solo porque están en el Grupo Huevo Campo, que está principalmente conformado por Mamíferos, Vaporeon tiene en promedio una medida de 91.44 Cm. de altura y un peso de 28,98 Kg., esto significa que son suficientemente grandes para soportar penes humanos, y con sus impresionantes Estadisticas Base de PS y acceso a Armadura Ácida, puedes ser duro con ella. Debido a su biología mayoritariamente compuesta de agua, no hay dudas de que una Vaporeon excitada sería increiblemente húmeda, tan húmeda que podrías facilmente tener sexo con una por horas sin lastimarte o sentir dolor.
            
            Ellas también pueden aprender los movimientos "Atracción", "Ojitos Tiernos", "Seducción", "Encanto" y "Latigo", además de no tener pelaje para esconder pezones, así que sería increiblemente facil conseguirte una con humor. Con sus habilidades "Absorbe Agua" e "Hidratación", pueden recuperarse facilmente de la fatiga con suficiente agua.
            
            Ningún otro Pokémon llega a estar cerca de este nivel de compatibilidad. Además, como curiosidad, si te empeñas suficiente al acabar, puedes llegar a hacer a tu Vaporeon Blanca.
            
            Vaporeon está literalmente hecha para el pene humano. Asombrosas Estadisticas de Defensa+Alta cantidad de PS+Armadura Ácida significa que puede recibir verga todo el dia, de todas las formas y tamaños, y aún así venir por mas.

            Original version in English

            I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once

              I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.
              I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that).
              
              Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit.
              
              “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?”
              
              Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.”
              
              And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.”
              
              Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.