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God bless ⛪👉 America.🇺🇸

    At 👌🕛 2am last 🕛 night 🌜 a 🏃👓 BRITISH person 🗣😡 approached me at the 😜 liberty 👬 bell. I 🙍 immediately 👏 drew ☀💎 my 😲 flintlock pistol. 🔫🔫 Holy shit, what 🙏 the fuck 💦🖕 man, 🌊 the 😂 British person said 🗣 britishly. Luckily my militia was 🤣 waiting nearby. Tallyho lads, 👍 they 🔥 yelled, 🗣😡 and charged 🍆🍆 the 💦😠 Brit with bayonets drawn, as 💦 the 👉 founding fathers intended. Later 🕑 that 🚟🙎 day 🌞☀ I 😲 went 👏 to school 📚😑 and 👏👏 was 👀 only 🤠 shot 🔫🔫 2 times. God bless ⛪👉 America.🇺🇸

    I’m an American high school student in 2020.

      American highschool 2020 be like
      I'm an American high school student in 2020. There are multiple school shootings a day. Every teacher is now armed. Veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built-in miniguns. The Algebra 2 teacher is handing out the quiz, her body armor jostling around. I reach into my backpack to take out my calculator. Her M16 is already trained on me. "DON'T FUCKING MOVE." "I-I need my calculator." "THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ." "I-I thought I could use my calculator." "YOU THOUGHT WRONG." Tense pause. She lowers her weapon. A school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the room. Her brains splatter all over my face. A second school shooter in the front wheels around with a shotgun, blasting the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines. The cute girl next to me holds up her ballistics shield half a second too late. I try to run for the door. A veteran mobility scooter flies into the room firing 100 rounds a second into my upper torso. As my carcass joins those of my classmates, I die happy knowing that I'm still freer than Europoors. My family gets charged $10m for medical expenses plus tip.

      Among Us banned at daycare

        Among Us twerking 
        Fun fact among us got banned at the daycare where I work at

Turns out, you know how youtube has the autoplay thing ? Well one day the kids were watching among us songs on YT when autoplay changed it to the among us twerking video, 10 hour version to be exact, and ALL the kids tried twerking

So thats how among us got banned

        What’s up with kids going ‘Goblin Mode’?

          What is Goblin Mode?
          Yesterday, I was talking to one of my son's friend's parent, and she told me that her son went 'Goblin Mode' the other day and went in his room to 'Charge up', and asked me what it meant. I thought the kid was just being silly, but earlier today, my kid went 'Goblin Mode' too, and has been up in his room all day. Is this a new funny trend or something? I also found some 'memes' about going Goblin Mode, but I don't get it?

          STOP reacting to our messages with rude emojis 🤡💀🤓

            Discord mods on 💀🤓🤡
            Ok everyone since you don't listen when I'm nice, I'm going to get mean.

Reacting to messages with a clown (🤡), a skull (💀), or a nerd face (🤓) isn't funny. It's not cool, it's not interesting, it's annoying.

These 3 emojis in particular aren't funny, they're RUDE. We as staff work hard to keep this place safe, and to have you all constantly react to our messages with mean emojis makes me FURIOUS.

STOP reacting to our messages with rude emojis. They do NOTHING but make you look really, really stupid.

It shows you have no rebuttals to our arguments, so you have to use juvenile tactics paramount to terrorism in order to stop us from being able to speak our truth.

FROM NOW ON, IF YOU REACT WITH ANY MEAN EMOJIS, I AM WRITING YOUR NAME DOWN.

IF YOU ARE A SERIAL REACTOR, YOUR USERNAME IS GOING TO A GOOGLE DOC. AT THE END OF THE MONTH, I WILL TAKE THIS DOC TO THE APPROPIATE AUTHORITIES FOR THEM TO INVESTIGATE AND ARREST YOU.

This is your ONLY warning. Tread carefully...

            AITA for beating the shit out of my dad over Morbius?

              Morbius is one of the movies of all time
              Every Morbius copypasta
              So I (19M) was sitting in the Living room watching Morbius. My parents(senior citizens) visited to come check on me. They caught me watching Morbius and they got very upset because I have been through phases like this before. I convinced my mother (55F) that Morbius is great, but my father (56M) disagreed. So I yelled ITS MORBIN TIME and may have beat the living shit out my father. My mother(idiotic) then said YOU DID THIS LAST TIME DURING YOUR NFT PHASE so then I plunged her to the depths of Tartarus. My sister (19F) and her friend (18F) saw me and then tried to run so I yelled OH NO YOU MORB'T and morbed so much they died. I at this point, had almost become God. I had blown up my house and set on fire to get rid of the evidence. At this point I, (20M) have been running from the CIA, the FBI, the police, the Secret Service, Interpol, the UN security unit, Disney S&P, and Google Maps. I have almost reached the final phase of morb. Soon my original being will die off and I will morb in the final morb. I morbing regret morbing Morbius. Oh morb. Im gonna morbing morb myself. Morb this. Morb it all.
TL;DR I killed my dad over a movie and ended up internationally wanted.