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PUTA QUE PARIU COMO EU ODEIO O PEIXE LUA

    PUTA QUE O PARIU COMO EU ODEIO O PEIXE LUA E SE VOCÊ DISCORDA, VOCÊ É GADO, OU MELHOR DIZENDO, VOCÊ É PEIXE LUA. pra quem não sabe o peixe lua é o maior peixe ósseo do planeta, essa aberração chega a pesar até quase 2 toneladas e possivelmente é o animal MAIS INÚTIL da face da terra, cada quilo e cada centímetro ocupado por essa porra é um literalmente um desperdício de espaço."ain, mas por que você odeia o peixe-lua?" essa porra é tão inútil, que até hoje os cientistas debatem como caralhos ele se move, pra vocês terem uma ideia, ele não tem barbatana traseira nessa porra. MAS CALMA, isso não é tudo, essa porra não tem bexiga natatória, o órgão que a maioria dos peixes tem pra controlar a profundidade em que estão nadando e que impede que os peixes afundem no oceano como um saco de bosta quando ficam parados. OU SEJA, esse pedaço de lixo flutuante não pode parar com o seu tour de idiotice pelo mundo ou ele vai afundar, EXCETO quando eles ficam travados na porra da superfície do oceano como um cleyton que usou lança perfume em excesso, daí nesse caso aves pousam nessa porra pra comer os parasitas que essa porra carrega. "nossa mas pelo tamanho eles devem ser ótimos predadores" não, a coisa mais perigosa desse prato da APAE é sua estupidez, eles já causaram a morte de uma pessoa porque subiu no barco e esmagou um pobre coitado. basicamente eles se alimentam de água viva, afinal a única coisa que poderia ser devorado por eles é algo sem cérebro e que tem a possibilidade de flutuar pra dentro da boca deles. essa maldita prancha de surfe com retardo, não consegue ao menos fechar a boca porque os dentes dele são "grudados", então ele "nada" por ai com a boca aberta parecendo um disco voador que teve um derrame. RARAMENTE alguém come essa porcaria de peixe, mas muito raramente, normalmente outros animais atacam ele por diversão, tem até registro de focas usando a barbatana desse autista como "frisbee". "ok, você provou que a existência do peixe lua é uma evidência que deus abandonou a gente, mas como caralhos esse disco de retardo não foi extinto?" PORQUE ESSA PORRA É TÃO INÚTIL E IMBECIL QUE NÃO FAZ IDEIA DE QUE NÃO DEVERIA EXISTIR, ESSA PORRA É TÃO IDIOTA QUE NÃO PERCEBE QUE É LITERALMENTE O PIOR NA SUA FUNÇÃO COMO PEIXE E POSSIVELMENTE O PIOR NA FUNÇÃO COMO AGLOMERADO DE CÉLULAS ENTÃO O QUE ELE FAZ PRA "SOBREVIVER" ? (se é que da pra chamar isso de vida) ELE BOTA OVOS, MUITOS OVOS, APROXIMADAMENTE 300 MILHÕES DE UMA VEZ, BASICAMENTE ELE SOBREVIVE PORQUE SERIA ESTATISTICAMENTE IMPOSSÍVEL NÃO TER 1 SOBREVIVENTE ENTRE 300 MILHÕES DE OVOS. basicamente isso conclui porque eu odeio o peixe lua, se um dia eu ver um, eu vou joga pedras nessa porra. 

    The English version “Why I hate the Sunfish

    The missile is eepy

      Missile is eepy original video
      the missile is very tired, he is eepy. the missile has had a very long day of splashing bandits and wants to take just a smol sleeb. he eeby and neebies to sleeby. mibsile sleepy and need bed-bye time. the missile is currently experiencing critical levels of being a sleevjy lil guy and needs to go to bedb. he is ver tired and needs to slep. just a little sleejing time as a treat. midsilylele neebs to slek, ver twired boyo, just a lil guy. mibsipilibille needs his beaty sleeb. look at him go! he yawn big cause he skeejy, neebs to falafel asleep. nini time! good night, mister the missile.

      Based on the original “The Missile Knows Where It Is

      the missile is very tired. he is eepy. the missile has had a very long day of splashing bandits and wants to take just a small sleep. he eeby and neebies to sleebie. mibsile sleepy and need bed by time. the missile is currently experiencing critical levels of being a sleehjy little guy and needs to go to beb. he is retired and needs to slep. just a little sleejing time as a treat. mibsilelelele neebs to slek for twired boyo. just a lil guy. mibsipaleebeelee needs his beaty sleep. look at him go! he yawn bib cause he skeegy. neebs to falafel asleep. ni ni time. goodnight, mr the missile.

      One 👞 Two 👞 Buckle My Shoe 👌🏼

        👋🏼👋🏼 Yo Yo Bro! 👀
        
        Come Over Here 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️
        
        Check Out My Shoes 👟👀
        
        There’s A Brand New 🔥 –
        
        One 👞 Two 👞 Buckle My Shoe 👌🏼
        
        Three 👞 Four 👞 Buckle Some More 🔥
        
        Five 👞 Six Nike Kicks 🔥🔥👟👟💯
        Bro come over here! Come over here! Check my new shoes they’re the brand new..ONE TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE⁉️⁉️🗣️🔥🔥👟👟 THREE FOUR BUCKLE SOME MORE👟👟👟⁉️⁉️‼️🗣️🔥🔥 FIVE SIX NIKE KICKS🗣️🗣️🔥🔥⁉️⁉️👟👟‼️ Oh ho ho! That is so fire!! Hahah!
        One 👞 Two 👞 Buckle My Shoe 👌🏼
        🔥1 2 BUCKLE MY SHOES 3 4 BUCKLE SOME MORE 5 6 NIKE KICKS HOHOHUHUHU THAT IS SO FIRE🔥

        Axel in Harlem

          I put the new Forgis on the Jeep
          I trap until the, bloody bottoms is underneath
          'Cause all my niggas got it out the streets
          I keep a hundred racks inside my jeans
          I remember hittin' the mall with the whole team
          Now a nigga can't answer calls 'cause I'm ballin'
          I was wakin' up gettin' racks in the mornin'
          I was broke, now I'm rich, these niggas salty
          ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄⠈⠉⠁⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⢀⣀⣰⣤⣤⡠⠤⢀⢀⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡠⠐⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠢⠀ ⠈⠐⠂⠈⠁⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⠉⠉⢂⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠄⠂⠈⠉⠉⠐⠂⢔⠉⠈⠉⠑⡀⢑⠤⢼ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⡸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⢘⠃⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⣠⠂⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠈⠂⠤⠤⠔⠈⠍⠁⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠂⡀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠘⠢⠀⠀⠈⡄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⢀⡇⠀⡄⠀⠑⡀⢀⠰⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢄⡈⠈⠇⠀⠀⠐⡁⠀⠈⡕⡂ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⡀⠀⢠⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⣠⠸⠀
          🚶🏿‍♂️🍑🚶🏿‍♂️🚶🏿‍♂️🚶🏿‍♂️
          I put the new Forgi's on the Jeep I trap until the bloody bottoms is underneath 'Cause all my niggas got it out the streets I keep a hunnid racks, inside my jeans I remember hittin' the mall with the whole team Now a nigga can't answer calls 'cause I'm ballin'

          Open full lyrics for 'Mustard - Ballin'

          I don't really wanna go
          I don't really wanna stay
          But I really hope and pray
          Can we get it together?
          Get it together
          Mustard on the beat, hoe
          I put the new Forgis on the Jeep
          I trap until the, bloody bottoms is underneath
          'Cause all my niggas got it out the streets
          I keep a hundred racks inside my jeans
          I remember hittin' the mall with the whole team
          Now a nigga can't answer calls 'cause I'm ballin'
          I was wakin' up gettin' racks in the mornin'
          I was broke, now I'm rich, these niggas salty
          All this designer on my body got me drip, drip, ayy
          Straight up out the Yajects, I'm a big Crip
          If I got a pint of lean, I'ma sip, sip
          I run the racks up with my queen like London and Nip
          But I got rich on all these niggas, I didn't forget, back
          I had to go through the struggle, I didn't forget that
          I hop inside of the Maybach and now I can sit back
          These bitches know me now 'cause I got them big racks
          'Cause I'm gettin' money now, I know you heard that
          Young nigga on the corner, bitch, I had to serve crack
          Uncle fronted me some P's, had to get them birds back
          We came up on dirty money, I gave it a birdbath
          Cut off the brain and I give my bitch a new coupe
          Either you frontin' y'all gang or you're SuWoop
          Got a New Orleans bitch, and man, that pussy voodoo
          And I'm that nigga now, who knew?
          I put the new Forgis on the Jeep
          I trap until the bloody bottoms is underneath
          'Cause all my niggas got it out the streets
          I keep a hundred racks inside my jeans
          I remember hittin' the mall with the whole team
          Now a nigga can't answer calls 'cause I'm balin'
          I was wakin' up gettin' racks in the mornin'
          I was broke, now I'm rich, these niggas salty
          I been wakin' up to get the money, woah, woah
          Got a bad bitch, her ass tatted, woah, woah
          Givenchy to my toes, two twins, I'm fuckin' 'em both
          I put in a new AP, the water like a boat
          I was down bad on my dick, where was you niggas at?
          I know you turned your back on me just to get some racks
          I see you swerve back, 'cause I'm in the black 'Bach
          New diamonds on me, fuck a flash, this ain't Snapchat
          'Cause I been gettin' paid
          Yellow diamonds on me look like lemonade
          Grab my baby mama that new Bentayga
          Tryna get the dojo like a sensei, yeah
          Rolls Royce umbrellas when I'm in the rain
          I just mind my business
          I got brothers that did the time, I ain't kiddin'
          All these rappers just talk about it, I live it
          Goin' up, I ain't got no sky limit, yeah, yeah, yeah
          I put the new Forgis on the Jeep
          I trap until the bloody bottoms is underneath
          'Cause all my niggas got it out the streets
          I keep a hundred racks inside my jeans
          I remember hittin' the mall with the whole team
          Now a nigga can't answer calls 'cause I'm balin'
          I was wakin' up gettin' racks in the mornin'
          I was broke, now I'm rich, these niggas salty
          I, ayy, yeah
          I've been ballin', lil' nigga
          Now watch me ball on these niggas
          Yeah, now watch me ball on these niggas, yeah
          Now watch me ball on these niggas
          Now watch me ball on these niggas, yeah, yeah
          WE'RE GETTING OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🥶🥶🥶
          WE MAKIN' IT OUT OF THE ELEVATOR WITH THIS ONE 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🥶🥶
          WE GETTING INTO DA BEDROOM WITH THIS ONE 🔥🔥
          WE BRINGING THE WHOLE BAKERY WITH THIS ONE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🥶🥶🥶
          WE STROLLING OUTTA HARLEM WITH THIS ONE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
          A perfect song for walking down the street with your friends.
          It’s a nice song to listen to while I walk down the street in my tight, purple, tuxedos 
          What a lovely song to listen to while taking a lovely stroll around Harlem

          AITA for pulling out a glock 17 on my teacher because she said “I don’t know , can you?”

            I know the title may sound like a little bit of an overreaction , but hear me out . She had been saying it all the time I asked her if I could go to the toilet , and I was tired and a little annoyed by it .
            
            Today was the last straw , I really needed to pee badly so I went to ask her if I can go to the toilet , "I don't know, can you?" she replied with a smug look . I had finally had enough and pulled out my glock 17 from my left pocket , loaded the magazine , and shot in her direction 4 times . I made sure the bullets didn't actually hit her because I knew I should be the bigger man and control myself .
            
            She suffered cardiac arrest and a little bit of hearing impairment due to this , she's doing alright in the hospital now . I was sent the therapy because i was "overreacting" and what not , the therapist told me that I really was overreacting and that I'm a "psychopath" , it infuriated me and I pulled out my glock 17 from my left pocket again and pointed it at him , but I decided to be the bigger man and control myself and not shoot him , he immediately shut up and let me go .
            
            So tell me reddit , was I really "overreacting" by (rightfully) pulling out my glock 17 in these two situations ? I personally think my actions were justified . AITA ?

            Judy Hopps

              I would literally never stop trying to impregnate Judy. Every day I would wake her up by cumming in her and every night I would cum in her right before going to sleep, which I would do with my dick stuck inside her bunny pussy. I would take some viagra before bed just to maintain my erection so that she'll be ready in the morning when I thrust into her like an animal and slather her in kisses. Part of our wedding vows would have as many children as physically possible. I wouldn't even care if she's already pregnant, I'll fuck her while she's pregnant and she'll get double pregnant. I'll fill her with so much cum every day that she'll look pregnant even when she isn't (which she'll never be after we're married) I would do everything in my power to make Judy as fertile as possible. I'd give her fertility drugs, I'd give her uterus massages, breast massages, I wouldn't let her go 12 hours without at least one spastic orgasm. I'll even bake her home made lactation inducing biscuits to help her get to a point of hyperlactation syndrome so that she'll be seeping out multiple quarts of sweet cream per day. Which I will save and drink just so that I can tell her how delicious it is. I'll make her so fertile that triplets will be the minimum number she's carrying at any given time. Her natural belly shape will be a fucking sphere. I would literally never stop doting on her, I would respond to her every beck and call and I would cum inside her again each time she asks for something. She would be so pregnant all the time that she should literally not be able to stand up straight anymore even after menopause. Her spine would be permanently bent out of shape to accommodate a pregnant belly. Even after she can't get pregnant anymore I would just keep putting more eggs into her. I would clone her purely so that I can put fresh eggs from the clone inside her after she runs out of them. If she doesn't have any eggs I will synthesize them from her DNA. She would have so much progesterone running through her veins at any given time that even the thought of not being pregnant would seem alien to her. Imagine marrying Judy and she tells you she wants a kid and that she'll be fine and she'll keep her Vtuber duties up while pregnant. When she finally gets two lines on her pregnancy test she'll jump and full body hug you crying about how happy she is after trying so hard. Everything is going great for a few months, Judy is glowing and her Vtuber activities are working out and her belly is quite small on her toned body. Now imagine in a few months Judy has to stop her Vtuber activities because her feet hurt and her legs aren't used to holding up her new weight. Her belly extends almost a full foot in-front of her and she's gained nearly 15 kilos. Imagine the look on Judy face when her doctor tells her that she would take a break on her Vtuber activities for a while because she's carrying triplets and the excessive movement is doing more harm than good. Imagine Judy reluctantly smiling at you and promising to stop doing her favonious reps for the sake of preparing to take care of three kids at once. Imagine as the weeks go by and her womb fills up more and as her appetite and weight increase with it. Imagine finding your 7 month pregnant wife Judy raiding the fridge in the dark at 4:00 AM with a guilty look on her face when you find her, like a puppy and that gnawed holes into your pillow. Imagine towering above Judy while she sits on the floor nervously wiping ice cream drips off of her massive belly and mumbling about how the kids made her do it. Imagine helping Judy up and princess carrying her back to bed and having her ask if she can lie on top of you because you're warm. Imagine rubbing Judy's nipples and having her complain about how you might get milk everywhere and how she needs to save it for the kids.