Skip to content

TIFU by committing genocide

    Average Reddit TIFU copypasta
    I was visiting my super hot cousin in Myanmar, she came on to me really hard because she had forgotten that we were related because she was in lust. Somehow I ended sleeping with her and my hot aunt joined in too.

Then I heard my uncle coming up the stairs so I jumped out of the window. I ran into a Buddhist monks armed with machettes and he asked me why I was naked so I told him that I was robbed by a couple of Rohingya. He asked me where the Muslim bastards were and I pointed to my cousins house.

The Buddhists ran in to the house an massacred my relatives and burned down the entire village. The total death toll was somewhere around 3000.

TL DR: I narrowly escaped getting caught having sex with my cousin.

    Morbius is love. Morbius is life.

      Most sane Morbius enjoyer
      Original pasta was ‘Shrek is love. Shrek is life‘
      I was only nine years old. I loved Morbius so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Morbius every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Morbius is love", I would say, “Morbius is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Morbius. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Morbius. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, “It’s morbin time". He grabs me with his powerful morby hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Morbius. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Morbius. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Morbius. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Morbius looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Get morbed". Morbius leaves through my window. Morbius is love. Morbius is life.

      boyfriends deadass get mad when u touch their butt

        Boyfriend ass copypasta
        boyfriends deadass get mad when u touch their butt like it's our fault they got the wagon??? no one asked u to be double cheeked up like this. u stupid ass bad bitch. thick ass slice of heaven. why u walk in the room n ur ass walks in 5 minutes later

        I am the one who knocks

          Breaking Bad "I am the one who knocks"
          Original scene
          Who are you talking to right now? Who is it that you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I tell you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what happens if I suddenly decide to stop going into work? A business big enough it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly-up. Gone. It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skylar. I am the danger. A guy opens his front door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks.

          Is this incest?

            Anon with his poop plug story
            Okay I don’t know if this is actually incest since it wasn’t something actually sexual in the technical sense but her go’s

When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I’d wear it all the time I was told only to take it out to poop wipe my ass then put it back in

I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed so when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet she had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse

Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police the police ask me all these questions and at first I’m scared because I think I’m in trouble for losing my poop plug Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this buttplug so satan wouldn’t stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.

            Quandale Dingle lore

              Quandale Dingle lore drop
              Hey guys Quandale Dingle
              Overview: Quandale Dingle is an African-American man aged 20-25, most well-known for various unlikely and even seemingly impossible appearances throughout the entire universe, including virtual spaces. Another important piece of controversy regarding him is his imprisonment and eventual escape with the help of his friend Juandale Pringle.

Unique Facial Features: Quandale has an abnormally shaped nose, having a large size and pointing forward. His face is slanted downwards at an extreme angle, this being accentuated by his large lower lip.

Crimes and Imprisonment: After his incarceration, for battering on a police officer, grand theft, declaring war on Italy, and public indecency he publicly stated that on March 28th he will be escaping prison and has plans to "take over the world". Shockingly, even after this statement, he was still able to escape on the specified date due to the prison staff's negligence.

Escape from Prison: On March 28 2018, Quandale Dingle escaped prison and went into hiding at his friend Juandale Pringle's house. While he was running from police, he fell and accidentally scraped some foreskin off from his genitalia. Armed forces were later sent to Juandale's house, who was arrested and later killed. Quandale esecaped and is now staying at Aden Dookie's crib with Quindavious Gooch.

Family: It is known that Quandale Dingle has an autistic son as well as a "baby mama" named Sheniqua Anderson. His son's name is currently unknown. Quandale has stated that he supposedly gave away his son to "creepy old guys" due to his refusal to pay child support, although it is unknown if this is true. He has also stated that he trapped his son's hand in an air fryer. His relationship with his father is described as abusive by Quandale, who says he was "given a sucker punch full force" and was "smacked in the back of the head with a steering wheel" Quanlingling Dingle is Quandale's asian brother. At one point he placed illegal substances in Quandale's meal as a supposed assassination attempt or a misguided prank, which almost killed Quandale. Quandale's cousin, Henry Bartholomew Dinglenut was also arrested, for planting 2.5 Kilograms of TNT in a daycare center. Also putting a camera in president Joe Biden’s bathroom to watch him take a poo. His relationship with his mother, Quandlisha Dingleberry, is not in a good state, with her being the original founder of the AQTF, an organization with the goal of combating his devious activities.

Appearances: - Union city, New Jersey - New Batman movie (as "The Dingler") - Los Angeles - The lost city of Atlantis - The White House - Plushtrap Room (Five Nights at Freddy's 4) - "Prison Break" Roblox game - Lil Minion's mansion - Robbery of Goofy Ahh Jersey bank - Fortnite - Tilted Towers - Hitler’s Grave - etc.

Criminal history: Quandale Dingle has committed many crimes including: - Murder - Theft - Assault - Selling illegal substances - Using chemical weapons - Using nuclear weapons - Killing a president - Arson - Kidnapping - Rape - Tax evasion - Reviving Hitler - Starting a war - Treason - Genocide - Terrorism - War crimes - Hate Crimes - Child labor - Declaring War on Italy - Battery On A Police Officer - Public Indecency

Trivia:
Quandale was bent over in the prison showers by someone named Garfield Jenson.
Quandale almost drowned in his bathtub when he was 15 years old.
Quandale put percs in Vladimir Putin's drink and "he went to bed for a really long time".