The straightest thing a straight man can do is having sex with a straight femboy. Its true, think about it. Women like men and liking men is gay thus making sex with women gay. However if you fuck a straight femboy straight away you both don't like men thus it wouldn't be gay, right? Wrong. Let me explain.

You might think that because of the femboy being straight and not looking masculine, it wouldn't be gay to fuck him but in reality the femboy would be gay because you look masculine. Having sex with a man is gay, so you would become gay too. So in order to have straight sex, you too have to become a femboy yourself. If there is no masculinity involved and you both are straight, you both stay straight during intercourse. It's that simple.

The gayest thing you can do objectively speaking is having sex with a woman. Think about it. It is literally a part of the body that EVOLVED to take dicks. Their own structure by nature accommodates dick. Not only that, and this is true I googled it, vaginas can also release baby boys which grow into men. So you are having sex with a potential man making factory as well. Not to mention vaginas store the energy of all dicks that have been inside there so it's basically like someone is slapping a bunch of hotdogs together in a damp cave. You are essentially fucking those ghost dicks alongside her. You are having sex with a man making dick pocket.

Literally is there anything else gayer than this? There isn't.

The straightest thing you can do is call up your boys.

It is scientifically proven that men being around other men increases testosterone. That is the life blood of masculinity if you didn't know. In order to stimulate our testo-production you should embrace your boys in a circle to exchange masculine energy. Make sure you are all holding hands so there is no break in the masculine energy flow. Hold eye contact to establish dominance. Also, I recommend doing this nude and outdoors. Nature is always good, and the public should fear you.

Being nude with your fellow men and seeing one another's muscles allows you to psych up if in a life or death scenario you could either A) take them in a fight or B) they would be useful to you in a 2v2. Once you are done massaging each other and potentially-probably masturbating, you will feel an elevation in your general prowess as a man.

Like a rabid leopard fresh off the kill. You will be ready to yell at women on Discord, drink BANG energy drinks, misunderstand every major theme in American Psycho all while listening to Joe Rogan in no time. Just like a true straight man would.