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My wife (37f) just queefed on my face (15m) and now I want a divorce. Am I the asshole?

    So pretty much I was eating her out and then her coochie lips burped RIGHT ON MY FACE and it smelled like an old gingerbread cookie 💀 so then I stopped and went to the bathroom so I can throw up in the shower but she walked in on me and the smell was still lingering in the air so I started puking even harder and now she's pissed because I can't accept her pussy farts for how they smell. Now I want a divorce and I think she does too. Am I the asshole?

    I was saved from suicide

      Duolingo owl stopped me from suicide
      I was saved from suicide.

Not by a loved one. Not by a friend. Not by family. But by fucking Duolingo telling me I got a 26 day streak to keep up.

      My girlfriend broke up with me because I watch the show big mouth

        So I was snapping my girlfriend and sent her a picture of my computer screen where I was watching big mouth and she replied with a long message about how only "perverted pedophiles" watch that show and she no longer wanted nothing to do with me.. literally blocked me on everything and I feel so fucking sad. I love this girl and the tears won't stop coming. She didn't even give me a chance to explain myself, I know that show isn't for everyone, but I like it. If she wanted me to stop watching it I'd do it in a heartbeat.. never thought a show would be the reason I lose the girl I love. Is there any way to fix this?

        Chongyue

          Chongyue voicelines from Arknights
          UNSTEADY 🏋️ POSTURE 🤸‍♂️ WAVERING 💪

A thousand 🚶 moves 🧎

A thousand 🧘‍♂️ moves 🐉

After all 👐 this 🐲 time 🤸‍♂️

A thousand 👊 moves🏃

UNSTEADY 🐲 POSTURE 📣 WAVERING 💁‍♂️

STRIKE 🥋 SUNDER 🏋️ THE TIDES 💪 CLEFT🏃

UNSTEADY 🤸‍♂️ POSTURE 🐉 WAFERING 🧘‍♂️
          KEI 🏋️ NARIO 🤸‍♂️ NAZASU 💪

Sensou 🚶 hyakushiki 🧎

Sensou 🧘‍♂️ hyakushiki 🐉

Kisamara 👐 no 🐲 mondai 🤸‍♂️

Sensou 👊 hyakushiki 🏃

KEI 🐲 NARIO 📣 NAZASU 💁‍♂️

KEIHA 🥋 SUREBA 🏋️ KOUCHOU 💪 OCHIRU 🏃

KEI 🤸‍♂️ NARIO 🐉 NAZASU 🧘‍♂️
          👊形なりを成さず🤜千招百式🤜貴様らの問題解決は🤜勁発すれば👊千招百式🤜千招百式🤜貴様らの問題解決は🤜勁発すれば👊勁発すれば👊千招百式🤜勁発すれば👊千招百式🤜形なりを成さず👊千招百式🤜貴様らの問題解決は🤜勁発すれば👊形なりを成さず👊
          城头的烽火，总是这样熄了又燃。日落飞锦绣长河，天地壮我行色。征蓬未定，甲胄在身。但凭差遣。看看这眼前，风光无限，可惜做了战场。​形不成​形，意不在意，再回去练练吧！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻你们解决问题，还是只会仰仗干戈吗？！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻形不成形！劲发江潮落！👊🏻👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！劲发江潮落！👊🏻你们解决问题，还是👊🏻👊🏻征鼔一声全军动，掬罢黄沙浣铁衣......好一场大胜！👍🏻形不成形，意不在意，再回去练练吧！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻​你们解决问​题，还是只会仰仗干戈吗？！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻形不成形！劲发江潮落！👊🏻👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！劲发江潮落！👊🏻你们解决问题，还是👊🏻👊🏻征鼔一声全军动，掬罢黄沙浣铁衣......好一场大胜！👍🏻​形不成形，意不在意，再回去练练吧！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻​你们解决问​题，还是只会仰仗干戈吗？！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻形不成形！劲发江潮落！👊🏻👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！👊🏻劲发江潮落，气收秋毫平！👊🏻千招百式在一息！劲发江潮落！👊🏻你们解决问题，还是👊🏻👊🏻征鼔一声全军动，掬罢黄沙浣铁衣......好一场大胜！👍🏻

          I accidentally drank my cum jar

            Let me explain. This was about three months ago. I used to have a cum jar (because of a pornography addiction) that was hidden under my bed. It was what I think to be about 1 AM. I had fallen out of my bed and woke up. I had a SEVERE fucking throat ache. I saw my cum jar under the bed, but I thought it was milk (I have milk in my room). My dumbass didn't think to recognize that the milk was in a glass jar and since I was super tired I thought I had a bottle from like the milkman or some shit (can't exactly remember). I open it, drink it, and think "damn, this is good fucking milk". I quickly chug the rest of the jar and go to sleep. Next morning I wake up, get out of bed and notice a tipped over mason jar with semen leaking out. as I'm sitting there thinking "how could this happen?" I remember that glass of milk I had last night. That's how I drank my own cum jar.