Are you guys serious about actually wanting to fuck dragons? What the hell is wrong with you? Why would anyone actually want to take a dragon to bed, lie atop her and run your hands over her body, feeling the bump of every tiny scale caress your hand, softer than your own skin, yet smooth and glassy, and feel her breath against your face as she watches you touch her, knowing what's to come.
Why would anyone in their right mind want to line up your erect cock with her scaly pussy, already wet and swollen with arousal and slowly slip inside her, watching the look of pure ecstasy spread across her face, so exotic yet comfortingly familiar, as her eyes narrow and her mouth opens as a moan of pleasure escapes her and she wraps her wings around you, enveloping you in her warm embrace. You can't seriously want to feel her claws grip around your back and she holds on to you, letting you know you are hers and she is yours as you slowly thrust into her, back and forth, picking up speed as you both make louder and more animistic sounds. Her breathing quickens and her back arches, her hind legs wrap around yours, making you to thrust deeper into her as her tight vaginal muscles clamp down on your cock, sending you over the edge and quickly bringing an orgasm of your own. The pleasure overtakes you until you can't hold back and with a final thrust, empty your balls deep into the dragon below you who's writhing in shuddering ecstasy of her own. Eventually it subsides and she reaches up, licking a bead of sweat off your neck, then nuzzles her face against yours as you both regain your breath.
You people are pathetic. What would your parents think of you fantasizing about being roughly taken from behind from a big strong male dragon, one you know could easily overpower you if he wanted to.
He holds you down with a claw that could easily tear into you as he licks your ass, coating it with slick fluid, getting you ready for something you're anxious about, and can't wait to feel until you're begging him to mount you. Only a freak would enjoy it while climbs into position and you feel something hard, something wet, press against your ass as he pushes his throbbing, swollen cock into you and your ass stretches wide to accommodate him, sending a sharp bolt of pain through your body that slowly dies down and gets replaces by soothing, growing pleasure. Why would you want to feel the rippling muscles bulge under his scales, muscles that flex with every powerful stroke as he pushes deeper with every thrust until his scales are flush with your skin, and you know he's taken you as his, and he'll continue for as long as he wants and there's nothing you can do to stop it?
Who would you actually enjoy the feeling of his teeth poking you in the shoulder as he bites down on you with enough force to pierce the skin but you're practically suffocating in sexual bliss so you barely notice. And he pumps into you, faster and faster until you can feel his whole body tense up, and he lets out a growl that you can feel vibrate your whole body. You can feel warmth spreading through your body as he fills you with his seed and makes you his. The relentless pounding against your prostate builds pleasure up until it consumes your entire consciousness and without warning, without even touching your cock, your knees buckle and your hands clench as you shoot ropes of cum over the floor.
Seriously.
You people make me sick.
A grilled cheese consists of only these following items. Cheese. Bread with spread (usually butter). This entire subreddit consist of "melts". Almost every "grilled cheese" sandwich i see on here has other items added to it. The fact that this subreddit is called "grilledcheese" is nothing short of utter blasphemy. Let me start out by saying I have nothing against melts, I just hate their association with sandwiches that are not grilled cheeses. Adding cheese to your tuna sandwich? It's called a Tuna melt. Totally different. Want to add bacon and some pretentious bread crumbs with spinach? I don't know what the hell you'd call that but it's not a grilled cheese. I would be more than willing to wager I've eaten more grilled cheeses in my 21 years than any of you had in your entire lives. I have one almost everyday and sometimes more than just one sandwich. Want to personalize your grilled cheese? Use a mix of different cheeses or use sourdough or french bread. But if you want to add some pulled pork and take a picture of it, make your own subreddit entitled "melts" because that is not a fucking grilled cheese. I'm not a religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland white mid-western male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled cheese and mac & cheese. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled cheeses and stop associating your sandwich melts with them. Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking after 3 years and made this account for the sole purpose of posting this. I've seen post after post of peoples "grilled cheeses" all over reddit and it's been driving me insane. The moment i saw this subreddit this morning I finally snapped. Hell, I may even start my own subreddit just because I know this one exists now.
You god damn heretics. Respect the grilled cheese and stop changing it into whatever you like and love it for it what it is. Or make your damn melt sandwich and call it for what it is. A melt.
What the hell did you just damn say about me, you little tenant? I'll have you know I own the top real estate in this city, and I've been involved in numerous secret real estate deals, and I have over 300 confirmed properties. I am trained in tenant management and I'm the top landlord in the entire city's real estate industry. You are nothing to me but just another renter. I will evict you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the lease agreement? Think again, freeloader. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of realtors across the city and your lease is being looked at right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your security deposit. You're fucking evicted, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kick you out in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in property management, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the city's real estate agents and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of my property, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" complaint was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking evicted, kiddo.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the chess.com university prodigy program, and I’ve been involved in numerous minority attacks on the queenside, and I have over 300 confirmed brilliancies. I am trained in karpovian positional play and I’m the top tactician in the entire Russian Olympic Team. Your pawns are nothing to me but just another target. I will exploit your weak color complexes with precision the likes of which has never been seen since Capablanca, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of IMs and GMs and your ICC handle is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rating. You’re as good as 1100, kid. I can attack anywhere, anytime, and I can checkmate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with a king and one bishop. Not only am I extensively trained in Chess960, but I have access to the entire opening book of the Botvinnik School and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rating off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your rating is fucking dead, patzer.
Imagine, if you will, you’re a 31 year old ATF agent. You’ve been on the force for a while now when you get assigned to a somewhat routine mission. Some wacko has been evading his taxes as well as stocking up on illegal weaponry. You and a few of your fellow agents are advancing towards his compound through his extraordinarily long driveway when you hear it. The distinct noise of a small, propeller driven aircraft. You think *”Oh great, the bastards making a run for it”* when another noise breaks the silence among the advancing agents. You remember hearing it when you were pinned down in Afghanistan, asking for fire support towards that goddamned hill. You heard it when you rewatched combat footage from another soldiers perspective. You hoped and prayed you would never hear that noise again unless it wasnt aimed towards you. And by god, today it is. As you see your comrades getting mowed down I’m front of you, the distinctive *BRRRRRRRRRT* of a 30mm auto cannon erupts shortly after the first bullets hit their targets. The small plane then goes around for another run, miraculously leaving you in one piece, when you see something else that makes you feel even more fear than a CAS Cessna. An orange barrel, a large hazard symbol, and what looked like some sort of detonation rig. The Star Spangled Banner blares over several loudspeakers as the man youre trying to capture announces, *”TAXATION IS THEFT! DOWN WITH BIG PHARMA! ANCAPISTAN FOREVER!”*. Though it’s not what you would’ve hoped to hear, it’s the last thing you’ll ever hear.
Your first step should be to find dolphins to mate with. Aquariums are a bad choice for various reasons such as having to have permission from the owner, no privacy, night visits are impossible etc.
The best place to find dolphins to mate with is usually in the wild. They should have some human contact (as to not be completely unused to humans) but should still be a somewhat low trafficked area for privacy reasons. You should go there a lot so the dolphins get used to your presence, and swim a lot there as well. Slowly encroach upon them every now and again, until eventually you're well acquainted with them. At this point, you should continue this as much as possible and a waiting game will ensue. Eventually, one of the dolphins will get horny and if you're lucky, and they know you well enough, they'll choose you as a mate.
It is important to determine the sex of the dolphin, now. If you can see the underside, look at the naval of the dolphin and go down. The female dolphin will have one continuous slit that contains the anus and the vagina, and on either side of the genital slit will be the mammary slits where the nipple is contained for feeding the calves. The male, however, will have no mammary slits, and the urogenital opening where the penis is contained will be separated from the anus by a bridge of skin. Although that's the best way, If you can't see the bottom of them then you can look at their head. The males will be more stumpy and the females (both head and body) will be more sleek and streamline.
If it's a male, the only thing I know how to do is to masturbate him. I have heard some people say you can give oral, but I've also heard others say it can be deadly due to tail flukes, so it is best in the interest of safety only to masturbate him. I wouldn't try anal either, as though I never have, I heard it can cause peritonitus from the tail flukes they do when experiencing sexual pleasure and the force of ejaculation.
With that aside, here's how to masturbate him.
If his penis is already out, rub it quickly up and down and after a good few tail flukes he'll begin to slow down. This means he's almost finished, and you should change from quickly rubbing to slowly massaging and gently squeezing it. If he still doesn't finish, then just do the process again until he does. Their will be some strength behind it, so be careful as to not get hit.
If his penis isn't out yet, you can gently poke and rub the top end of the urogenital opening and if you do it right his 12-14 inch penis will appear, and from here just repeat the steps above.
Fun fact about the male dolphins penis, they can curl the last 3 inches of it to wrap around and pick up objects 1 inch in diameter. Female dolphins can also pick up objects with their genital slit as well.
If it's a female you have a few options. Being male, you can either mate or masturbate them.
When masturbating, note that the clitoris is located at the top end of the genital slit and is rather visible and prominent when erect. You can poke and rub this, or finger it as well, though note that it is larger than a female human vagina and you may need to use more fingers than usual and make more broad motions. It is for this reason I prefer the first option when it comes to pleasuring female dolphins. You could also technically give oral, but the only problem with this is all members of the dolphin family have powerful tail flukes when experiencing sexual pleasure, and your head and face are bound to get knocked a few times.
As for mating with them you should note that the dolphin will come up to you in most cases. While it is possible to do this open water, it is very difficult and distracting. I'd prefer water that is anywhere from 2-4 feet deep as this is the most comfortable for the dolphin and me in my experience. You may try a few different positions but the best one in my experience is them on their side with their belly facing towards you. From here, you can penetrate. When penetrating there will be multiple chambers that each have doors you'll need to force open, this is because sea water kills dolphin sperm and is how female dolphins keep it out. However, once all the way inside, the doors and walls of these chambers will close down on you and begin manipulating and massaging you inside them. They tug, twist, pull, and gently massage you inside them. Female dolphins have extremely manipulative muscles and are very good at this, and it is for this reason that during sex male dolphins don't pump (too much of a risk for sea water to get in) and instead the females do all the work. So just stay inside them and enjoy the ride!
Note that if you change your mind and start pulling out, female dolphins will often tighten down on you to prevent you from doing so. They like a commitment and probably won't take kindly to their mate walking out on them. If this happens, don't worry, you'll be released when you both finish. Yep, that's right, both! For whatever reason dolphins always synchronize their orgasm to mates, dolphin or human. So unless something really scares them enough to let you go, just focus on finishing if you really want to get out as that's the only way.
Don't worry too much though, you won't last long. Dolphins are extremely intelligent and can detect quivers and even the slightest muscle movements. They can tell when you're about to finish, and estimate how far away you are. They'll then use this knowledge to make calculated decisions on what manipulations they think will get you there the quickest, and are very good at it. I'd say you won't last longer than 2 minutes on average. When you're done, I'd recommend staying there for a little bit. It's a very emotional experience, and it is hard to comprehend but it helps to be there with the dolphins a little longer.
I'd also like to note that in my experience the female orgasm is accompanied by their muscles seizing up or shuddering and in some cases making vocalizations. their reactions to orgasms vary rather greatly, so it really depends on the dolphin, but I feel in most situations you'll know when they've finished.
This isn't very important for mating, as I have said they time their orgasm to yours, but it is useful when giving oral or masturbating as it allows you to know when they've finished.
Now, if the dolphin is in a group they'll be fine if you really want to leave and decide against doing it again (though now that you've tried it I'm sure you won't stop), however, if it is by itself for some reason you need to make mating a habit and do it as often as possible. Dolphins will commit suicide if separated from mates. In a group they could always switch mates, but if they're by themselves they likely don't have this option and you are their only mate. I'd recommend mating as often as possible regardless as it strengthens your bond with them and makes them less likely to leave you for a different mate, but it really is a necessity if they're by themselves.
Something I should probably mention is that you should ensure that the dolphin you're mating with/masturbating is the only horny dolphin in the area. Dolphin orgies can happen and are actually dangerous to be stuck in, as they get very excited and being raped by a male dolphin anally could potentially be deadly as mentioned above. However, you're much more likely to die by being drowned in an event like this, and it is very difficult to escape them. They don't happen often, but with all rare but dangerous things you should still keep note of it. I'll admit it can be hard to tell if there is more than one horny dolphin as the first one you spot will likely have all your attention, but if they get rowdy enough you'll notice. I've never been stuck in one of these myself, and I've only ever seen it happen once, so I can't provide any advice on escaping from one. The only thing I know to do is to just make sure I avoid them all together.
I should also note that If you're in the mood and they aren't then (though I recommend letting them make the first move) you can gently pet them like normal and every so often rub your hand along their genital slit, but if they still aren't interested then be warned you should NEVER try to rape a dolphin. Not only will you likely never see that dolphin again because they're very intelligent and won't forget that, but also because they're so much larger than you. You could never hold one down, so there's no point in trying, and you'll be lucky if they don't decide to kill you.
