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I fucked a potato when I was 14

    I fucked a potato when I was 14. I got the idea from a radio show and thought that it might feel good. I cut a hole long ways through the middle and used it to jerk off. It wasn't enjoyable at all and I remember the guilt and shame I felt as I snuck a broken, cum covered potato to the side of the house to throw it in the garbage can. It smelled weird as well.
    
    I told some friends at school and it became pretty common knowledge, not that I cared. I never really had too much of a problem getting laid in my school years and I think me and that potato taught a lot to each other. Some of the girls who heard about it found it kind of intriguing.
    
    Looking back on it that potato was the only thing I've fucked that didn't lie to me and betray me. It was there when I needed it, it didn't talk and performed its duties admirably (though it was a bit cold, rough, and slimy) and it probably would have fed me if I needed it to. And I discarded it like so much flotsam in a sea of mediocrity. I'll pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.
    
    Some times at night when I can't fall asleep I still think about you, noble spud. I'm sorry I didn't mash you the way you needed me to, I was young and stupid. Now you're in a landfill and I'm in a bigger, more putrid landfill they call the United States. Maybe on some other life we can, you know...

    Copypasta that causes Nintendo to sue

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      FOREVER ♾️♾️♾️FAP 💦🍌🤏FEBRUARY

        We're halfway 🥑 through JUST 😏😏😏JERK 👌🍆💦 JANUARY☃️☃️😳😳, so it's time to get ready for... FOREVER ♾️♾️♾️FAP 💦🍌🤏FEBRUARY2️⃣!!! THAT'S RIGHT, WE WERE JUST GETTING WARMED 😏UP THIS MONTH!🤯🤯🤯 Already feeling TIRED😮‍💨?
        
        Got no chocolate 0️⃣🍫🍫🍫on VALENTINE'S 2️⃣💝1️⃣4️⃣? WELL NOT TO WORRY😔 MY DEAR FARMING TOOLS😈😈, because it's time for FOREVER ♾️♾️♾️FAP 💦🍌🤏FEBRUARY2️⃣!!! Whip out your GLIZZY🥵🥵 and FAP😧🥴😩✊🍆🌊🌊🌊🌊🧻till you're DIZZY🤪 because it's time🕒🔜 to train🏋️ your French🤮🤮🤮 CHIPOLATA🍗 into a German🇩🇪😈 BRATWURST🍗🍗🍗

        PackGod vs DJ Trunks

          Alright now lemme get back in ya head. You look like a discombobulated philosophical butt-flake disabled Crip-walking crawfish half-eaten autistic autobot doin’ the cha-cha slide with seventeen naked mole rats in your basement, your grandmother got raped by a crouton with a Gucci belt in northern Idaho boy. Shut your dirty ass up boy, I swear to God I’m really gonna get to the slackin' and rackin' and dickita-dackin and flippin' and rippin' and dippin' and slippin' and pippin and dippin' and rippin' and tippin' in ya fat ass, your name is DJ Trunks, more like DJ Skunks cause you smell like poop, you ugly ass bitch, you are dirty like shit. I caught you at picture day dressed up like a clown with no hair, said [singing some song that I don’t know mockingly], started singing Japanese songs to your girlfriend saying “Oaku, amanatai, amanakinasai-ya”. And then she bitch slapped you with a frying pan and licked your testicles and said “anuminum OKRRRR”. DUMBASS BOY, run that shit back.
          Listen to me right now, Trunks. Tell me why you and your family did a GTA 5 heist on the T grizzly’s diamond-fuckin’-encrusted testicle, my boy, you look like a double-dipped, chocolate chip, cleft-lip, charcoal slim jim with a gargamel nose, a Mr. Crocker hunch back, no fuckin’ feet, nine-arm, seven-stomachs, two ball fades, your stepdad beat you with a whiffle ball bat. You’re curled up into a ball like an autistic bakugan. You live in a sophisticated mud hut, your washing machine is a bucket of water that you shake, and you brush your teeth with your grandpa’s back scratcher and you floss your teeth with zipline cables. I caught you jerking off in a porta potty with a Thanos gauntlet on while your grandmother got **simultaneously** buttfucked by a clan of chimpanzees dressed up as The Wiggles while she was snorting cott- fucking, Keemstar’s cotton candy Gfuel off of the back of a dirty toilet seat my boy, you are really ugly like shit. You are a walking glitch, “dJ tRuNkS”. Every time your Dad asks you a question at dinner, you say “okay, DRRRRRRRR”, and start fuckin’ lagging, you fuckin ugly ass boy, you breathe like shit boy, ugly ass boy. And I caught you giving a reverse cow rimjob to your tickle-me Elmo doll, and that bitch was like “Elmo! AUHH”, DUMBASS BOY run that shit back. Say something.
          Listen, listen, tell me why your math teacher made a diss track on you, he said “Yuh! DJ Trunks’ mom smellin’ like a skunk! I slipped the D-D-D-D-D, J, in his mama’s trunks!” Dumb ass boy! Now I’m really gonna get to the rippin, dippin, slippin and flippin. You look like a level 37 fucking Garchomp with an extendo-clip overbite. Your grandmother’s casket is a cheesesteak wrapper, and your grandfather got cremated in an easy-bake oven. NYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM. You are weird like shit, boy, now I’m really gonna get back in ya head. You live in a fuckin ostentatious orange, and your grandfather looks like a fuckin, uh, butt flake with Alzheimer’s that can’t remember his butt flake children. You are weird like shit, boy, run that shit back.

          Every Packgod’s copypasta

          Packgod vs Discord Egirl

            I do not know why you talking boy you got a decepticon dildo in yo nostrils cmon nigga if you don’t get yo tangerine mrclean can i get a jelly bean urine stain rusty drain destiny 2 dlc campaign builder hut ingrown nut spread me wide and fill me up flint and steel banana peel dream just did a face reveal head ass outta my face you look like you headbutt billy goats for table scraps and slap box bears for beehives nigga you be sleeping in yo bed like an inverted fraction with yo feet on the pillow wacky ass backboard looking ass yo ass built like a woo walking semi autistic naked mole rat wit a boosie fade and yeezy slides no drip just drought lookin ass nigga you started throwing rocks at gay people calling yo self the fruity pebble yo goofy ass before you eat dinner night yo dad stand in the door way wit a belt turn around and say poco la po chi hey wassup my nigga you start skidding around your abusive father having ass stop playing nigga when yo grandfather was falling asleep on the couch you tapped his nipple and put the nigga in low power mode nice ass grandson lookin ass nigga ayo can you do me a favor and explain to me why yo grandma shooting laser beams out her nipples tf going on wit ha ugly ass tell me why everytime yo grandpa tickles you yo ass make a insert coin sound and give the nigga a coin stupid ass nigga you be like *insert coin sound x5* i’m making money stupid ass nigga you ugly ass shit you was jumping to school yesterday like *insert mario jumping sound* you threw a rock at yo dad and thought you caught a snorlax nigga yo best friend in school is a cockroach with one antenna in the back of the janitors closet you was getting bullied at school and said water breathing tenth form and started spitting every with yo broken water faucet demon slaver having ass wannabe having ass nigga you thought a jolly rancher was a happy ole redneck with yo old mcdonald had a farm eat me like a chicken parm lookin ass yo ass nasty nigga *instert squash sound* i just stepped on yo grandma is it true r false that at 2am last night this was you in yo kicthen *insert goofy ahh tip toe sound* getting a cucumber with yo lil devious ass stop playing nigga tell me why you went to taco bell and bought a bell tf you doing wit yo lil nasty ass boy

            Every Packgod’s copypasta

            Packgod Roasting Sneako

              Ayo Sneako shut the fuck up cause now I'm really about to get to the packing dikkata dippin flippin floppin dipty doppin whippin slippin sippin you dirty as shit bitch. Look at yo haircut boy you got Plants vs Zombies map on your head you ugly ass shit. Shut yo nasty- you got that cha cha cha chia cha cha cha chia haircut boy. Nah nah nah. For real though you really thought I wasn't gonna get packing ya lil nasty ahh boy. You bout dirty as shit- you look like Barack Obamas autistic cousin Wataka Hamba dumbass boy. You ugly as shit shut yo ugly ass up boy, and the dude in the back you look like a suicide grunt from Halo 3. Yo ass ugly as shit boy shut yo nasty ass up boy. Now I'm about to get to the packing boy. You better get your shopping cart crippled fart got an A mom I'm smart Bubble Bass wax your ass Covids real wheres my mask chewed on pencil little freckle bought a bike got no pedals disabled crumpled bag dirty rag Fortnite lag absent dad hit the dab Scallywag Canadian flag humpback sweaty sack bubble wrap buckle flap its a trap broken down Tow Mater chewed on eraser 13 year old vaper Windows 10 wallpaper dumptruck Donald Duck tummy tuck ayo what the fuck ping pong wing wong hit the gong Extendo thong Hong Kong Disney sing along disrespectful to yo mom feel my arm is it strong lookin ass back boy- look at yo eyebrows that bitch look at the dead body on a fuckin dinner date. Ohoo, dumbass bitch little big fat nostrils- you got a booger in your fuckin nose named Hubert. Fuckin ass bean bag dirty as shit slimy ass mustache to your ass ugly cell boy- your teeth so yellow you spit piss out of yo mouth you throw rocks when you cry your tears go down your back ugly ass bitch. Look at yo hairtop boy you hit a Brawlhalla combo with yo hairline. Down down down down down left up right CTRL right down down down left 6. You ugly as shit boy shut yo nasty ass up you look like a Notorious Special easter egg they call you with an extra chromosome THE DOUBLE TROUBLE. Fuck boy you got nasty as shit boy you got dirty cell- your name is Sneako boy. Your mother put HotWheels cars in her asshole at night and they caused THE THUNDERDOME. Fuck ass boy you about nasty as shit you look like a disabled crumpled bag fuckin disco bottle in your esophageal boat fake disabled crooked walkin crawfish having an autistic arm wire. But you look like a disabled speakin like "UUUUOOOOEEEAAA- EEUUUEAAAH OOEEEUHHHAA-HUUUAAJJJUH-AAAEEOOUU AEUUJEWWEHHH AARWWWEERR". Don't matter boy you a nasty shit- why your forehead so glossy you big nasty ass boy and Jidion I'm about to get at yo ass. You look like a happy birthday but yo worn ass thought I wasn't invited into the packing you know I do boy. Your head so shiny boy you look like you went to Walter Whites car wash in Breaking Bad boy.

              Every Packgod’s copypasta