I never thought I'd be sharing my story on Reddit, but here goes. My name is Puddles, and I am a pigeon. I had a traumatic experience today that I just can't seem to shake off.
I was innocently flying around, looking for some crumbs to snack on, when I landed on this man's balcony. Little did I know that this man was a monster. He started screaming and foaming at the mouth, and I could sense that something was off. He grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom.
What happened next is too gruesome for words. He undid his trousers and started violently raping me. I tried to fly away, but his grip was too tight. I couldn't believe what was happening. The worst part is that he was enjoying it! The pleasure he was feeling was sickening.
After he was done, he released me and I flew away as fast as I could. I don't know if I'll ever recover from this. I'm so traumatized that I don't even know if I'll ever be able to fly again.
But what really baffles me is the reaction of my pigeon friends. When I told them what happened, they all said "I wish I was you." I just don't understand.
I hope no other pigeon has to go through what I went through today. I'm just grateful to be alive, but the memory of what happened will haunt me forever.
📢This is your PRINCIPEEN🍆 speaking🎙️: 👩🏫 TEACHER 🧑🏫 🫶APPRECIATION🫶😻 WEEK 🗓️ is upon us 😲, so it’s time to say👄 “SPANK🫱 YOU🍑” to all the educatWHORES👯♂️ in your life❗Show them you care❤️🔥 with a nice 🎁gift🎁 such as a BALL🧶 GAG😵🙊 or ⭕CHOKER👔—as only a true MASOCHIST😩🥵 can take 🐷 the 👹ABUSE👹 and lack of COLAs🥤(and cummies💦) that they’re getting from administrat-WH🤡RES‼️
👨🏫Teacher👩🏫 turnHOEver🎡 rates are HIGHER😈🥬 than ever📈, but you can still do your part🫡❗Give your shiny 🍎APPLE🍎 up to a CUNNING📚🤓 LINGUIST👅👅❗ SQUEEZE 🪗 your 🍑CHEEKS🍑 to hold a BEAKER 👩🔬 for a 🧪CUMISTRY🧪 TEACHER❗Have a 🎶BAND🎶 DIRECTOR🪄 demonstrate EMBOUCHURE😚💨 on your BUSSY or THUßY🎂😩🎂❗ Or take the 🧔♂️DADDY🧔♂️ who does 🚗DRIVER’S🔰ED🔰 out for a RIDE🤼‼️ Send this to 1️⃣2️⃣ scholastic👩🎓🧑🎓 sluts👯♂️ if you don’t want Betsy DeVaginosis👿 to 💩privatize💩 your ➿PUBE-LICK🍦 SCHOOL🏫 DICKSTRICT🍆‼️
Notices you in the distances and smells your ovulation/period/ fertility/clit I transform into a black-furred werewolf bear dragon and my voice gets deep like a black men's voice (not in a racist way) and my balls get very furry like pictures a white furry Guinea pig and my cock gets so large and huge and very big because it's massive and veiny and cum is already cumming out of it. My eyes change color depending how horny I am (red if I'm super horny and red if I'm chill) I go through the Amazon rainforest, jump over mount Everett, build homes for poor colored people, punch every trump supporter in the gut, cross the dessert and we have sex which is very nice
My son told me today he is a furry. He was sent away and we searched his room. His Google Chrome history was full of this group. I have seen unholy drawings and sick jokes that he posts here. We found a folder full of pornographic comics and something called based department. This group has destroyed my son. His mind is filled with naked animals. Groups like this need to be shut down and banned. That's all. Took me an hour to figure out how to post here - I hope you read this and see the lives you destroy. We will be having a VERY stern chat with him and he's not going to have social media access for a LONG time.
I (54 M) live alone in a remote area. My new neighbor had moved in pretty recently, and i noticed they had begun construction on the house. All of the houses in my neighborhood had wooden roofs, although, the roof my neighbor was installing seemed odd. I looked it up and oh my god. Once i clicked on the images, i felt the blood rush to my little guy. It was as if i could cum on the spot. Their curviness, the terracotta color, everything was so erotic. I found myself touching my lower regions. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good. The next day, my neighbors roof was still being installed. I had an excellent idea. I grabbed the latter from my garage and sneakily brought it over to their house. While avoiding the cameras and guard dogs, I climbed on top of their roof. Lord have mercy. I was dripping the second i saw those tiles in real life. No longer keeping my excitement, i began forcefully ripping off a few tiles. I needed to use them now. I couldnt wait. I pulled my pants down. You can guess what happened next by the title. I shoved 4 1/2 roof tiles up my anus. It felt so good. No woman or man had ever pleasured me like this. My moans and whimpers were so loud my neighbor eventually came out of his house to see cum dripping off his roof with 4 1/2 of his roof tiles shoved up my anus. He called the cops on me. They didnt want to touch me so they couldnt arrest me, right? That was my plan until one of the officers informed me their prison had roof tiles similar to the ones shoved up my anus. I got down and let them arrest me. Because the officers were so repulsed by the 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus, i went the whole drive to prison with 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus. I was charged with Public Nudity, Exposure To a Minor (my neighbors 4 year old daughter had seem me) and Indecency. Im now going to prison for 8 years. So, Reddit, am i the asshole?
