I MADE QUESTIONABLE CONVERSATIONS WITH GIRLS I KNEW WERE TEENAGERS, MORTY, I- I (buuurp) I TALKED TO THEM OVER TEXT AND DMS, M-MORTY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID MORTY? DO YOU KNOW? I SOFT GROOMED THEM, MORTY. I SOFT GROOMED THOSE GIRLS. WUBALUBADUBDUB!!!!
Ohhhhhh jeeeeeeeezzz Rick, I mean, that's kind of fucked up don't you think, I mean, those girls, they were underaged and-
DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT, MORTY? THAT'S WHY I DID IT. I SOFT GROOMED THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE, MAR-MORTY. MY FUNCTIONAL CAREER IS OVER, MORTY.
Ohhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeze Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
SHUT THE FUCK UP MORTY, IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, MORTY. I'M GONNA BEAT MY WIFE, MORTY. I'M GOING TO BEAT MY FUCKING WIFE. I'M GOING TO BEAT HER TO DEATH MORTY, BECAUSE THEN SHE'LL BE DEAD, AND I'LL GET DOMESTIC ABUSE CHARGES. JUST ME, BEATING MY WIFE, MORTY. FOR A HUNDRED YEARS. A HUNDRED SEASONS, NOTHING BUT 100 EPISODES A SEASON EVERY YEAR, ME, BEATING MY DEAD WIFE, MORTY. BEATING MY WIFE AND TALKING TO UNDERAGED GIRLS WHILE I'M DRUNK, MORTY. A HUNDRED SEASONS.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch! We had Adult Swim. We had a lab. We had everything we needed, and it all ran like clockwork. You could've shut your mouth, do your voices and made as much money as you ever needed. It was perfect. But, no, you just had to blow it up. You and your dick
Jagshemash! My name Borat! I like you, I like sex. Is nice. This my country of Kazakhstan. It locate between Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan, and assholes Uzbekistan. This my town of Kuzcek. This Orkin, the town rabist. Naughty naughty! Over here, our town kindergarten. And here, our leader Mukhtar Sakhanov, the town mechanic and abortionist. This my house, entry, please.
He's my neighbour, Nursultan Tulyakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success.
This is Natalia. She is my sister. She number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. Nice!
This my mother. She is forty-three. I love her.
And this, my wife Oksana. She is a boring.
Cine sunt io, mă? Cine sunt io, mă?! Tu te duci dracului în pizda mă-tii! Mă te sparg mă de nenorocit!
This a where I lives. My bed. This is a VCR recorder, and this a play cassettes. Now I show you outside my houses. Tishe.
So for full context I'm a man in my late 20's, my girlfriend is in her early 30's and my mom is in her late 50's. My girlfriend and I engage in "mommydom" where she's dominant in and outside of the bedroom. She also likes it when I call her mommy during sex and just as a term of endearment. This has nothing to do with my actual mother and I don't have any sexual desires towards her. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and engage in a lot of BDSM activities with the "mommydom" play and I'm always submissive. It's my kink and what gets me off. I can't explain it.
Well as for how my mother found out it's really my own fault. I have my girlfriend as "Mommy" in my phone and my mom as "mom" and my girlfriend gets off when I send her pictures at work. She made me wear a chastity cage for a week (a cage over my penis to deny it any stimulation, keep it from becoming erect and it has a locking mechanism so I can't take it off) and I accidentally replied to mom instead of mommy via text message with a picture of my penis in the cage with the text message of "I'm trying to be a good boy mommy but the cage is so tight. It's coming off tomorrow right?" I sent a picture of my penis in a chastity cage to my actual mother.
Obviously she responds with "What the fuck!?" Then immediately starts laying into me via text. I explained at surface level what our relationship is and said it was "Gross" and that she was ashamed. She got into a text argument with my girlfriend as well. I talked to her and she eventually calmed down and said she reacted poorly and apologized but she just begged me not to ever hear anything about it again. My girlfriend was still angry about names she called her though. But my mom invited us to dinner. My girlfriend was wearing her coat since it was cold and during dinner my girlfriend took off her coat and she was wearing a very low cut shirt that says "Your son calls me mommy too." The moment she took it off my mom yells "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Then they started fighting.
We ended up leaving early while my face was incredibly red during the whole drive back. I'm trying to get them to reconcile and my girlfriend agrees that was petty and apologized for her behavior but my mom is still angry with both of us now and I don't know what to do.
Context: My(16f) boyfriend(16.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001m) and i started dating around 3 months ago.
We met at this wonderful, cozy cafe that just had this amazing atmosphere and i immediately knew he was the one. Obviously, the first thing I asked him was his age, because, i didn't want to get groomed. It was a huge relief when he told me he was 15.748393837394049838283744929837594027264829837493929474893920753902973 years old, because i also happened to be that exact same age at the time (or so i thought). I was still a bit cautious though.
Fast forward to around 2 weeks ago, it was our birthday. The two of us were just celebrating, when we suddenly got a call from the hospital, informing us that my boyfriend's time of birth had been incorrectly registered as 1 Planck time (about 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) lesser than it actually was, due to a malfunction in the 45 ton quantum clock operating in the hospital at the time. (It's supposed to count seconds based on the orbital period of an electron in an atom of Silicon, but apparently, it was uncalibrated.) This meant he was actually 1 Planck time older than me.
I immediately started freaking out and, in a panic, anticipating i was about to get groomed, pushed my boyfriend down the stairs. Looking back on it, it might have been an overreaction, but it was in the heat of the moment, and i wasn't thinking straight. He ended up breaking his C1, C3, T7 and L3 vertebrae, and has yet to wake up from his coma.
Without him, I've been having a lot more time to think, so i began wondering if a 1 Planck time (0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) age gap is too much? Like, i know it's probably fine... but I'm just not comfortable dating someone that much older. I'm honestly thinking about breaking up with him if he ever wakes up from his coma. I just wouldn't be able to live in constant fear of being groomed. What do you guys think??
GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FATHERLESS WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. I OPEN YOUTUBE, WHAT DO I SEE? "DUH WUFFLUH HAUS HAS FOUND ITS NEW HOST" SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M TIRED OF THIS MEME AND US DEFAULTISM, I'M TIRED OF EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THE WAFFLE HOUSE IS AN UNIVERSALLY COMMON THING, GUESS WHAT? NOT EVERY COUNTRY HAS WAFFLE HOUSES, AND MINE IS ONE OF THE ONES WHO DON'T HAVE A WAFFLE HOUSE. I'M NOT ONLY TIRED OF THIS MEME, BUT MEME CULTURE IN GENERAL, PEOPLE MAKE THE MOST UNFUNNY WORHTLESS ANNOYING AND STUPID MEMES EVER AND USE "IT'S 21TH CENTURY HUMOUR" AS AN EXCUSE FOR THEIR SHITTY SENSE OF HUMOUR. IT STARTED WITH AMOGUS, THEN WENT TO OHIO, WHICH FOR SOME REASON REPLACED FLORIDA IN BEING THE WEIRD US STATE, AND NOW THIS SHIT. I SWEAR ON MY MAMA THAT IF THE NEXT MEME IS A FUCKING SINGLE OUT OF CONTEXT WORD I'M GONNA THROW MY ROUTER OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WINDOW. IF YOU SPREAD THESE MEMES, GO FUCK YOURSELF, I HOPE YOU FALL OUT OF THE LONGEST STAIRCASE YOU CAN FIND YOU WORHTLESS FATHERLESS PIECE OF SHIT
