Hey fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be precise. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most definitely the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're in the mood! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course, baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss, and with those ribbons it has it could pin you down and be on top, if you're the submissive kind of person of course. Quite a large moveset for breeding eh? Now, admittedly they don't have the best HP. but let's be honest, does that even matter? You aren't going to be beating them up right? Here's something else that's interesting to consider. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. This means it would be more reciprocative to you and your advances! So there's no need to worry about your sylveon not being into you, i believe this would make it the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best pokemon for humans.
Vaporeon is NOT the most compatible pokemon for humans in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding. Sylveon is. They reside in the very same egg group as Vaporeon being from the same evolution basis of Eevee. Sylveon are on average 3"03' tall and 51.8 bls making Sylveon equal in height to Vaporeon albeit 12,1 pounds lighter meaning that in terms of fun in bed Sylveon's lesser weight would allow you as their breeder to more easily lift them and change position at a whim making them not only the perfect size to handle human cock but the perfect weight to play with in bed. On top of Sylveon's superior defense and special defense stat and their access to reflect which halves on coming attacks effectively doubling their defense means you can spank as hard as you wish and Sylveon will be able to take it all and then some. All of this is on top of Sylveon's most common ability being cute charm which has a 30% chance of infatuating anyone of the opposite gender who comes into contact with Sylveon. This means every time you spank, bite, kiss, thrust into Sylveon you will have a decent chance of becoming even more infatuated with them than you already are making them perfect for some rough sex. As well as being a fairy type pokemon there is no doubt in my mind that Sylveon pussy is just down right magical. Wetness be damned when Sylveon is packing a pussy that's unlike anything you'd have ever felt before. Sylveon like Vaporeon also has access to the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip on top of having cute charm as an ability means simply touching a Sylveon could easily get you in the mood and with soft and fluffy fur all over after you've finished the cuddle sessions would be immaculate and with no worry of a completely soaked bed to speak of. And with the ability to get wish, if taught to them before they evolve, can still give Sylveon the ability to recover from and any and all rough play you can have with it with, again, no risk of a completely soaked bed to think of. Sylveon is clearly without equal when it comes to sexual compatibility. Also fun fact if you Sylveon can also learn draining kiss so not only are their pussies magical their mouths are as well. Vaporeon may have been built for human cock but Sylveon were built to give the human cock a truly ascended experience. Greater defense stat + reflect + cute charm + draining kiss means you'll be experiencing the climax of a life time every time you have sex with one and it would still be able to give you more and more and more.
You don't know me, but I highly advise you read this thoroughly and in its entirety. You are to cease any and all communication with my mom, effective immediately. You are not to contact them for any reason whatsoever. You are not to answer their calls, texts, etc. Is that understood?
It is not in your best interest to ignore me. I have a very bad temper and you do not want to see it get away from me. You will send me some sort of confirmation that you are receiving my messages and that you will comply fully.
I have a Tor browser, plenty of disposable income, and all the free time in the world, kiddo. Do not test me, it is remarkably easy to make someone disappear. This is your last chance to respond before you end up in a red room.
Never let it be said that I am not fair. You had your chance, kiddo, but you've chosen to ignore all of my generous warnings, and you'll soon learn the lengths I'm willing to go for my mom.
Expect company, fuckboy.
To all bisexual people out there:
BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI
What, you gonna cum?
You are on your deathbed. The heart-rate monitor beeps twice every second, a reminder that you are still alive, still on this hellish earth. You long for the pleasure that death will bring, the pleasure that rotting away underground in your coffin will bring. But then you get a devilish idea. With all of your might, you ferociously grab your dick and start beating it. As you continue, you feel your heart start to give up, as all of your energy is focused on your hands fondling your throbbing dick. The monitor now is only beeping once per second. Your nurse rushes over to see what is happening. And then, you finally let go. Cum explodes out of your dick at the speed of light, right into the nurse's mouth, making her choke. This only makes you harder. A second wave comes out from your penis. All of this energy you have used up now makes your frail heart go into cardiac arrest. Your head begins to feel faint, and you see the nurse spluttering on the floor, gasping for air under your sickly cum. This is the last thing you see before you flat line. Death. The horniest thing of all. With shattering force, your corpse lets go one last shot of semen.
Hello, fellow Black People. It is us, [MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION]. Here to remind you that we support your colour, now that it has made it into international news and it is completely socially safe to mention you, allowing for us to capitalise on your existence now it's mainstream. Look, we even used the hashtag of [event]! Why did we wait this long to come out and 'support' you? Haha, no more questions, Black People. Buy our product. Buy our product. BUY OUR PRODUCT.
The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.