Meu pênis tem 26cm de comprimento, 16 de circunferência, e uns 420ml de volume. Mesmo mole, ele bate coisa de uns 16cm.
Usei cueca de compressão pela maior parte da minha vida. Parei uns meses atrás quando conheci as de bolso, e liguei o foda-se pras olhadas na rua. Não posso vestir a maioria das coisas que ficariam legais num homem comum, tipo calça skinny, sem ficar com uma impressão gigante de piroca. Tudo marca, tudo aparece, e depois que eu emagreci, ficou ainda pior. Pra completar, eu tenho 1,68. Sabe o L invertido? É real.
Alguns meses atrás, perguntei ao meu urologista se havia possibilidade de reduzir. Ele pediu alguns exames que meu plano não cobre, então demorei pra conseguir fazer todos. Hoje fui levar pra ele. Resumindo muito, não posso reduzir. O pedaço da parte interna que eles geralmente usam pra tirar, que a maioria dos homens desenvolve só parcialmente, eu desenvolvi por inteiro. Causaria dano permanente à minha uretra.
Eu só queria ter uma vida sexual normal, e poder vestir umas paradas diferentes. Mas lá se foram ambas essas possibilidades, e eu tô me sentindo um a absoluta porcaria.
English version
My penis is 26 cm long, 16 cm in circumference, and about 420 ml in volume. Even soft, it beats about 16 cm.
I wore compression underwear for most of my life. I stopped a few months ago when I met the pocket ones, and turned on the fuck to the looks on the street. I can't wear most of the things that would look cool on an average man, like skinny jeans, without getting a giant dick impression. Everything marks, everything appears, and after I lost weight, it got even worse. To top it off, I'm 1.68. Do you know the inverted L? It's real.
A few months ago I asked my urologist if there was a possibility of reducing. He asked for some exams that my plan doesn't cover, so it took me a while to get them all done. Today I went to take him. To sum up a lot, I cannot reduce. The piece of the inside that they usually use to remove, which most men develop only partially, I developed in full. It would cause permanent damage to my urethra.
I just wanted to have a normal sex life and be able to wear some different stuff. But gone are both those possibilities, and I feel like absolute crap.
ESTOU ANUNCIANDO MINHA MASTURBAÇÃO IMINENTE. Estou ciente de que o meu anúncio de masturbação iminente tem sido um problema sério e recorrente ultimamente, e estou aqui com minhas habilidades sociais de nível inferior para garantir que isso só piore. Espero que este servidor cheio de membros principalmente do sexo masculino aprecie o fato de que em breve estarei gozando e me ofereça aquele cobiçado aperto de mãos que eu certamente mereço. Como o anúncio de masturbação iminente NÃO está no conjunto de regras atual, continuarei seguindo esta linha. Toda e qualquer ação tomada contra mim pela equipe do mod será considerada extrajudicial e irei retaliar mobilizando meu exército de contas alternativas. Se algum homem quiser me dar um aperto de mãos ou gratificação emocional, por favor, faça isso. Se alguma mulher deseja me fornecer gratificação sexual, eca. Obrigado e lembre-se: AGORA ESTOU ME MASTURBANDO!!
English version
I'M ANNOUNCING MY IMMINENT MASTURBATION. I'm aware that my impending masturbation announcement has been a serious and recurring problem lately, and I'm here with my low-level social skills to make sure it only gets worse. I hope this server full of mostly male members appreciates the fact that I'm soon to be cumming and offers me that coveted handshake that I most certainly deserve. Since the imminent masturbation announcement is NOT in the current ruleset, I will continue along these lines. Any and all actions taken against me by the mod team will be considered extrajudicial and I will retaliate by mobilizing my army of alternate accounts. If any man wants to give me a handshake or emotional gratification, please do so. If any woman wants to provide me with sexual gratification, yuck. Thank you and remember: NOW I'M MASTURBATING!!
So, in the super-duper cute 90s, Yugoslavia was like, a big bouncy ball of ethnic tensions and sparkles! 🌈 All the wuvly ethnic groups, wike the snuggly Serbs, Croats, and Bosniaks, lived together in a magical rainbow land. But then, oh noes, communism was like, "I'm outta here!" and nationalism went aww crazy and cuddly! 😱🦄 Different parts of the rainbow land wanted to be their own special unicorns, so Slovenia, Croatia, and Bosnia and Herzegovina said, "Let's dance away and be our own rainbows!" 💃✨ But, oh dear, there were big fights, like the Croatian War of Independence and the Bosnian War, and they were not very kawaii at all! 😢💥 There were yucky things happening, like terrible atrocities and meanie ethnic cleansing, which made everyone super sad. 😭💔 In the end, Yugoslavia went bye-bye, and new kingdoms like Serbia, Croatia, and Bosnia and Herzegovina were born, ready to spread love and rainbows! 🏰🌈 UwU, hope that makes you smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside! 🥰💖✨
So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. “fuck, Fuck!” I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. “Please,” I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
Throwaway since my BF knows my Reddit account. One evening, me (F22) and my boyfriend (M21) were watching memes on YouTube from his phone, something we frequently do together. He REALLY likes memes and quotes them often throughout the day, no matter whether he is happy or being goofy and even when he is raging at a game or genuinely heartbroken. One day about a year ago, he came home to tell me he got fired and said "my life be like oooh aaah". It's probably a coping mechanism for him, but personally I do not understand it.
Anyways, we saw one meme, a guy a clearly masturbating saying things "I'm about to cum" but it was spelt out as "ambatukam", and thought it was the funniest thing ever so we looked for more. There were more videos of him being edited into scenarios like him mourning the loss of his brother named "Bato Khan", and we spent no less than 20 minutes laughing nonstop at these videos. Afterwards when we went to make dinner, my BF said joking "that's what I'm gonna say in bed now".
Fast forward a day later, both of us are horny and head to the bedroom to fuck. It was great, but then towards the end, my BF said loudly "ambatukaaaam" and then proceeded to cum. I laughed along with him but I was a little uncomfortable because it sorta killed the vibe.
About a week later, we're having sex again, and he says them same exact thing as last time, but this time, he laughs "just kidding, I'll stop" afterwards. Well, it turns out he wasn't really telling the truth because the next time we had sex, he said "bouttobus". I then whining-ly said his name in desperation and he then chuckled.
We didn't have sex for about a month until last night. We were doing fine as usual, and he even managed to cum without saying any memes... or so I thought, because right afterwards, he said something along the lines of "thank you for letting me buss, it's what I needed". I can't even remember much of what happened during or after that because I was in pure shock that we would just kill the vibe like that again. All I remember is that we cleaned up and he went to play COD or something that involved him shouting stupid jokes and memes to his friends.
I do not have the heart to tell him that he isn't funny when he does this, because the last time I confronted him when he kept saying "yooo that's sus" every time I mentioned something vaguely sexual, he almost cried. He stopped saying that one phrase but still has about a thousand other memes in his vocabulary. I guess this is just my life now, and as much as I want it to stop, I love my boyfriend so much and will have to live with it.
ORDER 🔨🗣️ORDER 🔨😈 ORDER IN THE COURT 🔨🫦 THE 💦 SUCREAM🥛🕳️🤤 COURT 🏀 struck down 🚆 HOE BIDEN’S 🍆 promise to CANCEL ⛔🎓🧑🎓 STUDUSSY LOANS 🤑🥩💰 because 💳 💸 BANKS DESERVE BAILOUTS BUT THOSE DAMN KIDS DON’T!!! 🙅🤣💅 GRAB YOUR PITCHFORK🍴 and your 🔥TORCHES🔥 because 🧔🏼🙈😘 WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE 😍 BUT OUR CHAINS ⛓️ Send to 2️⃣0️⃣ of your FELLOW DEBTORS 😂 👯💥 AND YOU’LL STILL BE IN DEBT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE 😂🍆🤡
