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Ass Pennies

    The Ass Pennies sketch

    Its from the sketch “Ass Pennies” by Upright Citizens Brigade where a man reveals that he stuck pennies up his ass before recirculating them back into the economy. Knowing people are handling his “ass pennies” gives him the confidence he needs in businesses.

    I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! You ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass.  

    Many of you probably watched what took place between Donald Trump and Zelenskyy tonight. However, as a lifelong practitioner of martial arts, strategy, and philosophy, let me explain the difference between what you believe you witnessed and what actually happened.

      Trump and Zelensky argument

      It a Facebook group post by Michael McCune that gained a lot of attention after President Trump re-shared it on Truth Social. Democrats mock it due to the mental gymnastics used to paint Trump as a genius while Republicans repost it as prove of Trump’s ingenuity in navigating political affairs.

      Many of you probably watched what took place between Donald Trump and Zelenskyy tonight. Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, you might be thinking to yourself, Oh my God, Donald Trump just screwed up.
      
      However, as a lifelong practitioner of martial arts, strategy, and philosophy, let me explain the difference between what you believe you witnessed and what actually happened.
      
      Donald Trump has been under constant political persecution since the beginning of his first term. Over time, he has learned to be patient and calculated.
      
      Tonight, Zelenskyy was invited to the Oval Office. However, both Trump and JD Vance knew exactly what Zelenskyy was going to do—he would use this opportunity, in front of the American people, to make a power play. Both Trump and Vance anticipated this.
      
      When Zelenskyy began appealing to the emotions of the American people, JD Vance stepped in, accusing him of disrespecting Donald Trump. This was brilliant strategy. It’s important to understand that Zelenskyy is trying to gain access to NATO.
      
      Trump knew this but could not allow it to happen. If Ukraine joins NATO, the U.S. would be bound by NATO’s collective defense agreement—an attack on one is an attack on all.
      
      Now consider the larger implications: Ukraine and Russia despise each other. If Ukraine were to become a NATO member, any future skirmish between them would obligate the U.S. to enter into direct conflict with Russia. This would mean World War III. And if that happened, China would have to choose a side—they would almost certainly align with Russia.
      
      So what you witnessed tonight was a setup. Trump and JD Vance knew that the only way to achieve peace was to strategically align, at least on the surface, with Russia. Why? Because Russia would never sign a peace treaty if Ukraine were admitted into NATO.
      
      This is why Trump dismantled Zelenskyy’s argument. And when Zelenskyy, seeing his play failing, tried to backtrack and offer a treaty, Trump refused.
      
      Zelenskyy’s real intent was clear—he would not agree to peace unless security guarantees were in place. But what was he actually saying? That NATO must accept Ukraine. However, Russia would never agree to peace, knowing that NATO, their historical adversary, would surround them.
      
      Zelenskyy, Putin, and Trump all knew this. Zelenskyy, thinking he had Democrats' support, believed he could make this bold move on live television. But Trump and Vance saw right through it and outmaneuvered him.
      
      They knew that, in the short term, Democrats and the media would try to use this moment against them. But they also knew they had two years before midterms to prove their strategy was the right one. So they held their ground—brilliantly so.
      
      Now, Zelenskyy will have no choice but to back down and accept Trump's terms. But here’s the genius part—Trump is actually protecting Ukraine without dragging the U.S. into war.
      
      By negotiating a mineral deal, Trump ensures that Americans will be involved in Ukraine’s mining industry. This prevents Russia from launching an invasion, because attacking Ukraine would mean endangering American lives—something that would force the U.S. to respond.
      
      Trump played both sides like a master chess player. In the end, Zelenskyy will have no choice but to concede, because without U.S. support, Ukraine cannot win a prolonged war against Russia. And once U.S. companies have mining operations in Ukraine, Putin will be unable to attack without triggering massive international consequences.
      
      Don’t underestimate Donald Trump. In this game of chess, he’s 10 moves ahead of everyone.

      Elon Musk spent $44 Billion on Twitter. The World’s population is 8 billion.

        Its from a tweet about Michael Bloomberg back in 2020 during his campaign run. In 2025, the copypasta was used on Elon Musk instead to jab at both his haters and his mismanagement of Twitter.

        Elon Musk spent $44 Billion on Twitter. The World's population is 8 billion. He could have given each person $5 billion and still have money leftover. I feel like a cheque for $5 billion would be life changing for most people. Yet he wasted it all on Twitter

        Bloomberg

        Bloomberg spent $500 million on ads. The US population is 327 million. He could have given each American $1 million and still have money left over. I feel like a $1 million check would be life-changing for most people. Yet he wasted it all on ads and STILL LOST.

        To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Severence

          Its the famous Rick and Morty copypasta but changed to Severance tv show on Apple TV+.

          To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Severence. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of neurosurgery most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rickken’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterization - his personal philosophy draws heavily from The You You Are, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Severence truly ARE innies- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humor in Mark’s existential catchphrase ”Who are you?” which itself is a cryptic reference to The Death of Ivan Ilyich. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those fetid moppets scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Erickson’s genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I PITY them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Lumen tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the outie’s eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. 

          you have to have a very high IQ to understand Vio2t. The inting is extremely subtle…

            To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Vio2t. The inting is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of ult cycling most of the value will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Vio2t's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these ults, to realise that they're not just big brain- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Viol2t truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the value in Viol2ts existential catchphrase "ITS AJAX TIME," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as AVRL's genius wit unfolds itself on their twitch screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 

            I mean, little shit like this is why Fahzix got picked up, right? He never had insane mechanics, but every time I watch him stream…

              It started out as a copypasta for Fahzix (Overwatch pro player) from a 200IQ clip of him using D.va’s bomb to boop himself to high-ground.

              Fahzix

              I mean, little shit like this is why Fahzix got picked up, right? He never had insane mechanics, but every time I watch him stream he displays an incredible amount of not just gamesense but "game knowledge", if that makes sense. He knows every little trick/quirk about the characters he plays (and sometimes those he doesn't play, as evidenced by this clip), how and when these things can be used, and just a general intricacy in everything he does. Still remember getting my mind blown watching him use D.va bomb to get high ground as Zen in transcendence 

              Viol2t

              I mean, little shit like this is why Viol2t got picked up, right? He never had insane mechanics, but every time I watch him stream he displays an incredible amount of not just gamesense but "game knowledge", if that makes sense. He knows every little trick/quirk about the characters he plays (and sometimes those he doesn't play, as evidenced by this clip), how and when these things can be used, and just a general intricacy in everything he does. Still remember getting my mind blown watching him use Sound Barrier to get to spawn as Lucio in a finals match