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The first time I met Kliff Kingsbury

    Kliff Kingsbury

    The copypasta was originally written by u/FHSlaughter on meeting Kliff Kingsbury on the Arizona Cardinals subreddit back in 2022.

    I met him once at a Scottsdale nightclub, he was in a booth with three gorgeous women draped around him with a bottle of champagne on ice in the middle of the table. I yelled over the blaring Old Town Road remix “Go Cards!”. I expected just a wave back or to be completely ignored, but to my surprise he gestured me over to his table. As I got closer, I realized he was piss drunk. A wave of Calvin Klein and whiskey sours washed over me as he leaned in.

“I’m interviewing these lovely ladies to be my new D coordinator,” he said with a wink and a chuckle. Before I could respond, he spun me around and slapped my ass so hard I fell right into a bottle girl. When I finally got back up and turned around, him and the women were already gone.

Cool guy.

    Fuck it. I’m gonna glaze miz while being a reddit hater.

      Ludwig x Miz copypasta
      Fuck it. I'm gonna glaze miz while being a reddit hater. Ludwig wishes he was as entertaining as Mizkif. Mizkif might have an ego but he isn't afraid to look like a clown. Ludwig on the other hand, can't for the life of him create content that doesn't revolve around protecting the 'perfect' image he's created. Now why wouldn't a fake person like that jump at the chance to take down a 'friend' and gain even more popularity at their expense? Only person Ludwig cares about is numero uno. I'm not naive, to be a streamer you gotta be somewhat narcissistic, that's just part of the job description, but Ludwig is the flavor of narcissism that American folk singers would sing about while playing the fiddle to warn others about preserving your humanity. Holy shit. Give me my reddit gold strangers. Fuck me man.

      Groundhog Day

        💐😮‍💨Greetings from Punxsutawney, PA‼️👋Today 🗓️ is GROUNDHOG DAY🙀and 👥Our 👯‍♂️Boy Phil😩😍 has predicted for 👯💅🏻US💑 an 💐🌷‼️⏰EARLY⏰‼️SPRING🌸🌺 the ULTIMATE💯 👉👌Sexy😉Season🪻 for 😘BREEDING 😍🍆💦 like Horny😜🍆🐇Little Bunnies🐰😮‍💨 ❄️Winter may 🚫NOT❌ keep on 💋COMING💦 but we sure will😏😛 If you🤭 want to be getting 💯DOWN⬇️ and DIRTY🫣😩💦 with the 💐🌷SPRING SEASON🔜⬇️🤭 🫦 Send💌 this to 🔟 of your 😍SEXIEST😘💄SLUTTIEST🫦 and 👅💅🏻WILDEST 🤪😛👯‍♀️💅🏻Playboy Bunnies👯‍♂️💋 Get 0️⃣ back and you've been left out in the ❄️Cold🥶 and getting a 🔵🌨️Blue-Balled Winter😵🔵 Get 5️⃣ back and you're 🌤️🌷Warming Up⬆️ and Getting Wet💦🌧️ Get 🔟 back and you're 💐SPRING-ING🌷🪻 into 🌦️💦Wet☔️And 🍆Wild😛🔥Action🫦🤤
        What up 🆙 my Punxsutawney SLUTS 😜🦫 it’s GroundHOg Day 🙌🏼 and you know what that means 😈 it’s time to slurp down ⬇️ some LAP HOGS 👅🐖 Today ☀️ our favorite 😍 little fuckable 😩 GOPHER 🦫 will be looking 👀 for his shadow ✌🏼 determine if we get 😧 more WET 🍆💦WINTER ❄️☃️ or if we move 🔛 to SEXY SPRING 😎🌈 All the nastiest 😈🥴 sluttiest 🥴 marmot mommies 💅🏿 will be at GOBBLER’S KNOB 😜😋 to let that Woodchuck FUCK 👉🏿👌🏼 right ➡️ into their Inner Circle 😳🤵🏻‍♂️🎩 Send this to 💯 of your best KNOB GOBBLING 🦦🌰 acorn juggling🤹🏾‍♀️ THICCwood 🤤 BADgers 😈 If you get 0️⃣ back, it’s gonna be a long 😳 hard 🪵 cold 🥶 DRY PUSSY WINTER 😾 for you 🤷🏻‍♂️🧴 If you get 5️⃣ back, you might see 👀 your shadHOEs 😎 after all 😩 If you get 🔟😧 back, you’ll be getting a warm Spring 🌳 and a warmer🔥 LOAD 💦😜 If you get 1️⃣5️⃣ back, FUXsutawney Phil 🍆🦫 will be scurrying 😧 into your greasy little gopher hole 🦫🕳 tonight! 😩🥴
        🐗✨HAPPY GROUNDHOGS DAY ✨🐗 every february 2️⃣nd we trek to GOBLERS 👅 KNOB 🍆💦 to see 😵‍💫FUCKS-A-TON-Y 😛😏 phil PULL OUT 🫢 of his TIGHT HOLE 🫣✊🏼💦 if that FAT 😩 HOG🍆 sees its shadow 👤 we have SEX 👉🏼👌🏼 more weeks of LONG 🙌🏽 HARD🪨🫦 winter 🌨️🥶 if he doesn’t 🙅🏻‍♀️ spring 🪺🌱 CUMS 👅💦 early🌝 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your SLUTTIEST 😳 RODENTS 🦫 if you get 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🥴 you have a BIG 😏 FAT 😩 WOOD 🪵 CHUCK👅 if you dont 🙅🏻‍♀️ get 1️⃣0️⃣ back you’re a BIG 🐖 FAT 😵‍💫 WOOD 🍆 CUCK 🫣 GOOD LUCK 😛

        Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob?

          Originanl Shelob copypasta from 4 chan
          Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in lvanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæða ecge, a real sexy bitch.

          I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Genshin.

            Based on the original I’m sick of Xianling copypasta.

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Genshin. I try to play HSR. The communities have a daily post about Genshin. I try to browse gacha communities. Every post has Genshin mentions. I try to browse regular gaming communities. There's a monthly genshin hate thread. I try to see memes. I see a genshin neckbeard meme every 2 seconds. I browse fanart. Every character is from genshin. I mute the word. I leave all game communities. My favourite youtuber gets sponsored by genshin. "Download genshin impact" they tell me. I go to an anime convention. There's genshin everywhere. A talking fairy comes out "Traveller it needs 80 gb of space". She grabs my pc and forces me to download it. "You just need to spend some money on it" I can't do it, I don't have enough money. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She takes all of my food and leaves."Ehe te nandayo?" There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing, but pure billions of dollars in revenue. What a cruel world.

            Welcome to Playtime

              Greetings, Employees, and welcome to your first day here in Playtime! We’re certain that in the days to come you’ll find your new family here every bit as loving and supportive as your own. Feel free to wander the halls! Sit in the mess for lunch! Or watch our children play and learn to their little heart’s content. Join the Innovationists, where the bounds of science are continually pushed. Or join the Counselors of Playcare, whose diligence and care for our children will help shape a brighter future, just you see. Now, every part of you has your part in that future, so should you come back tomorrow feeling unhappy for where you are, or what you have done… worry not, for your supervisor is here and happy to listen! And…

Should you come back… years later… your conscience finally getting the better of you. May you descend into the dark and the dust, finding all that awaits you are incomprehensible horrors… each hungry for your return, each eager that they might find you. Perhaps they’d smile at you from a shadow, their smiling mouths full of teeth and meat and plastic, watching and waiting patiently for their turn at a warm welcome. Or perhaps they won’t allow you such time to figure your place in the world you’d left. A world that’s theirs now.

Welcome home.