My best bro Jeff turned himself into a femboy, he calls himself Crystal. Yesterday we were PVPing in Minecraft and everytime I hit him he moaned quietly, after some time I told him to stop, even though I was hard as fuck by then. He said "Tee hee, fine I'll stop b-baka(he likes japanese cartoons and comic books), look at me now." I minimized the Minecraft window and my jaw dropped, there it was on my screen. Jeff's asshole, he streamed it to me on discord, the quality was pretty good for a webcam.
My girlfriend walked into the room. Thankfully my reflexes were good enough after all those years of masturbation, I quickly minimized discord window. My gf looked me in the eyes and said "Was there your buddy Jeff's asshole on the screen just now?" Oh no, I wasn't quick enough. "Honey, it's not Jeff, it's Crystal" I mumbled. "What the fuck? It's totally Jeff, I would recognise his asshole anytim-" she stopped herself "Anyway, we are breaking up, you cheating scum!" my gf yelled and left. "Damn, bro, you ended my relationship" I said into the mic sadly. His response was "Ok, wanna fuck?"
So, Reddit, should I? uhmmm... auughhummmm.... do the thinggg??? 🧐😩🤔 I crave some bussy, but it is NNN after all...
You will never be a real incel. You have no autism, you have no negative canthal tilt, you have no deep seated emotional resentment. You are a well-adjusted man twisted by irony and memes into a crude mockery of a stone cold virgin.
All the “rejection” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back girls love you. Your parents are proud and happy for you, "Stacies” swoon over your masculine appearance behind closed doors.
Women are utterly smitten with you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out chads with incredible efficiency. Even incels who “pass” look strong and charismatic to a woman. Your deep voice and good sense of humor are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to earn a little online incel clout, you'll get cancelled the second your DMs get leaked and everybody gets a glimpse of the e-girls thirsting over you.
You will never be depressed. You wrench out a fake "tfw no gf" every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be miserable, but deep inside you feel the happiness creeping up like a weed, ready to bless you with unshakeable confidence.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll find a girlfriend, marry her, knock her up, and have seven healthy kids together. Your parents will praise you, happy but a little bit sentimental now that their little boy has finally grown up. They’ll spoil the kids with candies and toys, and every acquaintance for the rest of your life will know that you're a fakecel. Eventually you will pass on surrounded by your loved ones. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a family that misses you dearly.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
You will never be a real incel. You have a jawline, you decent height, you have no male pattern baldness. You are a handsome man twisted by the blackpill and memes into self-doubt and inferiority complexes.
All the “rejection” you get is only inside your head. Behind your back people like you. Your parents are proud of you, your colleagues whisper how cute you are behind closed doors.
Women are innately attracted by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out good genetics with incredible efficiency. Even women who “rejected” you would've changed their mind if you actually tried. Your facial structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you aren't exactly the type of some women, she'll introduce you to her girlfriends the moment she acknowledges your objectively good features.
You will never be truly alone. You wrench out a fake frown every single morning and tell yourself you're destined to be alone, but deep inside you feel hope blossoming like a hot spring, ready to lift you up any moment from now.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll install Tinder, put yourself out there, find a girlfriend, and passionate sex with her. Your parents will hear about that, relieved that you finally found the happiness they knew you deserve. They’ll praise you with warmth and proudness, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know you have gotten consensual sex from a girl. Your mind will be freed from all the doubt, and all that will remain is a man that is unmistakably successful.
This is your fate. This is what you were born into. There is no turning back.
Is this a mickey mouse ring? I mean we never actually got to see the true destined matchup to cap off an almost perfect MLB season, due to a fluke in the NLCS. By all rights the Phillies should have represented the National League in the World Series. With a fraudulent team in their place, is the integrity of competition compromised? A team like the Phillies is a team of destiny, a team that belongs on baseball’s biggest stage in the fall classic. Every baseball fan that watched the NLCS knows games 6 and 7 were illegitimate, and many have called for the MLB to investigate for possible scandals. Unfortunately the stolen NLCS sort of invalidates the achievement of the Rangers. It’s a shame that history will always attach an asterisk alongside the 2023 Texas Rangers, as no such cupcake matchup is worthy of the honor of calling oneself champion. The only real solution here is to have a final 7 game series between the Rangers and Phillies, and if the Rangers win that, they can call themselves true champions. But not before.
The copypasta originated from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign subreddit in 2021 and was about Computer Science majors. It has spanned many different variations since then especially after the popularity of other different university related copypasta/shitposts related to Engineering majors.
Engineering
The females on this campus are out of control. The first time I ate lunch wearing my Iowa State Engineering shirt I had literally 3 different women try to sit down and court me, like I would know how to talk to a girl. I quickly demonstrated superior knowledge of each of their niche interests, which apparently eliminates me from the dating pool (why shame me for being smart?).
Anyway, that got them to leave but the problem has persisted in the past 2 months and I am so fed up with everybody wanting to get with me. I've taken to moving all the other chairs at tables I sit at to other tables, but yesterday a small asian woman literally pulled up a chair and began ranting about the last weekly CS 344 programming "project". Girl, I don't struggle with projects that are just homework. I'm an ENG major, not CS. After making it markedly clear that I did NOT in fact want to copulate against the glass walls of the SIC, she finally left me alone, but I wish these girls would stop worshipping me just because I am enrolled in the hardest program on campus (which was not difficult for me to get into, by the way).
The worst are when students from non-technical majors talk to me. We'll be having a nice, platonic conversation, when they inevitably ask the fateful question: "What's your major?" As soon as I say my magnificent degree, I see their whole demeanor change. The doe eyes, the flushed cheeks, the jiggling cleavage. What makes a business major think they have a chance with me. Engineering and something practically Liberal Arts are on whole different planes of existence. I'm not about to impregnate somebody that does drop shipping for "work."
You may think I'm just remarkably handsome, which I am, but my attractive acquaintances in “Engineering” Technology (they're not smart enough to be friends, but their childlike innocence is sometimes enviable), have literally no problems with this incessant harassment and courting from female creatures with their ‘Girl Themed Parties’. Females see me as an object and a genius, when really I'm so much more: I'm top 100 in War Thunder. My engineering shirt shouldn't reduce me to a bag of meat; if you want my heart, you have to grind with me, raid with me, join my clan, and most of all, watch Star Wars with me, and understand it -- no fake fans that shout "Luke - I am your father!" like its some kind of joke, when it's really the climax of the most tragic moment in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. Not that I cried.
If you want somebody for cheap sex, the business majors are right there (I don't blame you for avoiding non-war profiting business types though). Stop fetishizing my kind for something out of our control. I didn't want to be born a super genius. Hell, sometimes I wish I was a business major, moving through the world in ignorant bliss. But I have a responsibility now to save the world and create the next nuclear powered, hypersonic airplane spaceship (a continuance of Project METEOR obviously). Seductively touching my umbrella isn't going to make me want to get with you. Come back in a Mandalorian costume, solve the three body problem, or solve a problem without assuming incompressible, subsonic, laminar, steady, constant everything, and then we'll talk.
The females on this campus are out of control. The first time I ate lunch wearing my Grainger CS shirt (with fully covered legs, mind you), I had literally 3 different women try to sit down and court me, like I would know how to talk to a girl. I quickly demonstrated superior knowledge of each of their niche interests, which apparently eliminates me from the dating pool (why shame me for being smart?).
Anyway, that got them to leave but the problem has persisted in the past 3 months and I am so fed up with everybody wanting to get with me. I've taken to moving all the other chairs at tables I sit at to other tables, but yesterday a small asian woman literally pulled up a chair and began ranting about the last MP. Girl, I don't struggle with MPs. I'm a CS major, not CS+X. After making it markedly clear that I did NOT in fact want to copulate in the ISR bathroom, she finally left me alone, but I wish these girls would stop worshipping me just because I am enrolled in the hardest program on campus (which was not difficult for me to get into, by the way).
The worst are when students from non-technical majors talk to me. We'll be having a nice, platonic conversation, when they inevitably ask the fateful question: "What's your major?" As soon as I say those two magnificent letters, I see their whole demeanor change. The doe eyes, the flushed cheeks, the jiggling cleavage. What makes an art major think they have a chance with me. FAA and Grainger are on whole different planes of existence. I'm not about to impregnate somebody that paints happy little trees for "work."
You may think I'm just remarkably handsome, which I am, but my attractive acquaintances in ECE (they're not smart enough to be friends, but their childlike innocence is sometimes enviable), have literally no problems with this incessant harassment and courting from female creatures. Females see me as an object and a genius, when really I'm so much more: I'm top 100 in the world in Destiny 2. My gray shirt shouldn't reduce me to a bag of meat; if you want my heart, you have to grind with me, raid with me, join my clan, and most of all, watch Rick and Morty with me, and understand it -- no fake fans that shout "pickle rick" like its some kind of joke, when it's really the climax of the most tragic episode of season 3. Not that I cried.
If you want somebody for cheap sex, the ECE majors are right there (I don't blame you for avoiding CS + X though). Stop fetishizing my kind for something out of our control. I didn't want to be born a super genius. Hell, sometimes I wish I was an ECE major, moving through the world in ignorant bliss. But I have a responsibility now to save the world and create the next Facebook. Seductively touching Grainger Bob isn't going to make me want to get with you. Come back in a Morty costume, code a Y combinator, or implement Djikstra's recursively, and then we'll talk.
Every day I walk into X, and I'm swarmed by women asking for my snap or asking me on dates. It's gotten to the point where I'm consistently late to class, and it's starting to affect my grades. I don't know if it's because word got that out that I watch Naruto, or maybe that I'm a Computer Math and Statistic stream student, but all the attention is getting tiring. I've considered wearing a disguise, or walking outside in the cold, but both of these options come with their own set of problems.
What would you guys suggest to help me out??
Original version
The original pasta was written by u/Shimreef for University of Saskatchewan subreddit and became an instant meme. It was meant as satire but its outrageous nature caught on and got reposted to different other subreddits.
Basically as the title suggests. Every day I walk into Place Riel and through the arts tunnel, and every day I’m swarmed by women asking for my snap or asking me on dates. It’s gotten to the point where I’m consistently late to class, and it’s starting to affect my grades. I don’t know if it’s because word got that out that I watch anime, or maybe that I’m a music major, but all the attention is getting tiring. I’ve considered wearing a disguise, or walking outside in the cold, but both of these options come with their own set of problems.
What would you guys suggest to help me out??
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BELLIGOL
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O ILUMINADO, DO BELLINGHAM, MAS PODE CHAMALO
DE BELLIGOLL, O INÍCIO AVASSALADOR EM LA LIGA
BELLIGOL, BELLIGOL, BELLIGHAAAA
BELLIGOLL BELLIGOLL BELLINGHAM, É ELE 📸📸📸📸📸📸📸 O ILUMINADO, DO BELLINGHAM, MAS PODE CHAMALO DE BELLIGOLL, O INÍCIO AVASSALADOR EM LA LIGA 📸📸📸📸📸📸📸 É O QUINTO GOL DELE EM 4 JOGOS, DENTRO DE CASA. PRIMEIRO GOL NO SANTIAGO BERNADEL, VIRANDO O JOGO PARA O REAL MADRID O NOME DELE É BELLINGHAM, ELE JÁ MORA NO CORAÇÃO DO TORCEDOR MERENGUE 📸📸📸📸📸📸 VIRA, VIRA DO REAL MADRID NO APAGAR DAS LUZES, E O BELLINGHAM ELE TAVA LA, A BOLA SORRIU PRA ELE, SENTIU O CHEIRO DO PERFUME BELLINGHAM, QUE CONTRATAÇÃO MARAVILHOSA! O GAROTO DE OURO QUE CHEGOU PRA FAZER O INÍCIO REALMENTE AVASSALADOR EM LA LIGA IMPRECIONANTE! 📸📸📸📸📸📸📸 ESSE COMEÇO DE LA LIGA DESSE JOGADOR INGLÊS
