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Hit or miss

    To hit, or not to hit. Dost thou ever miss? I suppose it not. You have a male love interest, yet I would wager he does not kiss thee (Ye olde mwah). Furthermore; he will find another lass like he won't miss thee. And at the end of it all. He is going to skrrt, and he will hit that dab, as if he were the man known by the name of Wiz Khalifa

    I will pay you $50 to step on my balls

      Let's cut to the chase. I'll pay you $50 to step on my balls. You heard me. 50 buckaroos to step on my testicles. The amount of time it would take to step on my balls and then resume to your regular schedule is about 1 second if you are skilled at the job. If you do the math that is a profit equivalent to $3600 an hour. I may or may not offer some wiggle room in the amount that you will be compensated but i can asure you my offer is as generous as they come. Think about what you could do with $50. Alot of people would take that $50 and use it to buy some sort of goods but instead i like to invest that $50 in intangible service, which would be paying someone to step on my balls, hence this conversation. This is a limited time offer and if you don't want to be of service then i will go recruit another ball-stepper. Get back to me ASAP, these balls won't step on themselves.

      Instead of a boring ungrateful “thank you” for all the simps and niceguys who compliment you, try saying this instead!

        “Thank you so incredibly much for that lovely poetic compliment you bestowed on me you god-like alpha male. Please let me offer my gratitude by parting my legs for your pleasure to do whatever action crosses your mind. Then afterwards we will bond together in holy matrimony but it will be polygamous but only on your part. You may have sexual encounters with any other female you lay eyes on but I shall never even interact with other men, and even a casual verbal conversation counts as adultery for me. However if you find a dashing female for me to mate with and you watch and or join in no matter what my sexual orientation is, then I will submit to that bidding for you my lovely future husband. I love you more than anything in the world, and my only personality trait from now on will be that I’m yours and yours only because you are a genuine god amongst men.”

        Dirty Deeds Done Dirt cheap?

          Oh, you mean: Atrocious Acts Accomplished At Discount, Bilious Bastardry for Bargain-Bin Prices, Criminal Capers Completed Competitively Priced Dastardly Doings at a Discounted Price, Evil Exertions Executed Extremely Inexpensively, Filthy Feats Furnished For Less, Gross Games Garnished at Great Rebate, Hellish Hooliganism Had Highly Rebated, Iniquitous Impugnment Issued In Bulk, Jerring Jobs for Juvenile Prices, Killing Kindness at Kiddy Klub Costs, Licentious Larceny at Legally Limited Rates, Malicious Madness Machinated at Maximum Discount, Naughty Notions Negotiated at a Negligible Cost, Overbearing Oppressiveness Outsourced On Demand, Perverted Pillaging Performed at Payless Markdown, Questionable Quests Quarried at Quackpot Prices, Ribald Rackets Realized at Reduced Price, Sinister Shenanigans Supplied at Satisfactory Rates, Thuggish Things Terminated at Tiny Prices, Unspeakable Undertakings Unleashed at Unusual Discount, Villanous Ventures Vanquished Via Rebates, Wicked Wars Waged at Wanton Discount, Xtreme Xcess Xecuted at X-Mas Discount, Yucky Yerking Yeilded at Year-End Prices, or Zany Zonking Zoned for Zero Markup

          PC faulty, need expert

            So I'm sitting there with my GTX 1090 and I plug in to my Fortnite-ready pc, but when I turn it on I do my computer tricks and I see that RAM (that stands for random access memory if you're not a computer expert like me) is not show up. So I pull the RAM out, blow on it and put it back in and it works fine for a bit, but then it goes pop. I do not know what is wrong, did they sell me faulty RAM or is my pc the fake? I have tried all of my professional pc repair skills including:

   - googling

   - running troubleshooter

   - asking my discord

   - touching the CPU to check if it is hot (it isn't)

   - pulling out the hard drive cables when it's running to do a reset Hopefully someone like Elon Musk or Bill   Gates answers for quick fix.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger

Edit #2: why are you calling me cringe? I am just trying to fix my pc, my friends in school aren't gamer like me so they can't help.

            I want to bang the minecraft spider

              Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the minecraft spider so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go mining I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of it online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with the spider. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of the spider's tight asshole. I want it to have my mutant human/spider babies.

Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors tarantula. I'd dressed her in my sister's skirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my Xbox 360 I might not ever get to see spiders again.