Based on the original “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta that started from 4chan.
Own a LAS-16 Sickle for home defense, since that's what Super Earth's founding fathers intended. Four Automatons break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my flowing cape and laser rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first bot, it's dead on the spot. Draw my LAS-7 Dagger on the second bot, miss it entirely because it's one small beam and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the autocannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with armor-piercing rounds, "FOR SUPER EARTH" the armor-piercing round shreds two bots in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix saber and charge the last terrified rapscallion. It bleeds out waiting on the SEAF to arrive since triangular saber wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.