It was originally posted on the confession subreddit before getting removed.
Once asked my parents to celebrate my first ejaculation (nsfw)
So a little context about this. I am a second child. I have an older sister (older by only 1 year). Growing up, I used to get jealous of my older sister. Well it just so happened, I overheard one day when I was a kid, that my sister got her first period and my mom congratulated her and comforted her because she was crying and didn't know what was going on. My mom told her she was becoming a woman and my parents took us all out to dinner to celebrate my sister growing up. To help her feel better too.
So I ended up getting very jealous. Part of it was the attention they had given my sister and the other part was about her becoming a grown up. I had no idea that only women have periods. Well several weeks later, I ended up going to my mom and dad and lying by saying I found sticky stuff in my underwear and pretended I was scared. I didn't know at the time that boys don't get periods. Well what ended up happening is my dad awkwardly said "congratulations, you had your first ejaculation, you're becoming a man!" I got so excited and asked my parents if they could take us all to dinner to celebrate my first ejaculation lol. They both looked at each other like they were weirded out and still said "sure....yeah...lets do that..."
Well we went to outback steakhouse and I was still desperate for attention and didn't realize how weird this "forced celebration of my manhood was". When the waitress got to the table I loudly said "I'm celebrating my first jaculation!!"
The waitress looked stunned! Her mouth sort of smirked than dropped open in disbelief. To further boast, I looked at my mom and said "I think I'm going to need another maxi pad!"
My parents got extremely embarrassed 😳 told the waitress I got things confused and instead of eating my parents made us all practically rush our of the restaurant. I still didn't really know what I did wrong and even said "it was a lot!" As we all got up from our booth to leave. My dad then ended up giving me the talk, the next day and explained to me "those kinds of things are private".
And the icing on the cake of this story is that I didn't realize that normally for a guy, he has to be sexually aroused to ejaculate. So when my dad asked me when "this happened", I had said "um yesterday when I was watching spiderman". And he squinted his eyes and had this concerned and confused look and just walked away
TL;Dr didn't understand anything about periods or ejaculation and made them "celebrate" a very awkward dinner for me