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Normal people: “I like to read.” Anon:

    I  am a lover of fine literature; most notably the epic poems of Ancient  Greece. I find that today's writers lack the rhetorical wit and  emotional depth of the ancient writers of yore.
    
    To wit, an uneducated buffoon of lower intellect today may say to you - Hey, what's up? Wanna smash?
    
    Whereas  a fine gentleman (such as myself) will quote the estimable Homer  himself - There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the  lover’s whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad.
    
    Now will you take my hand while I escort you to my subterranean abode?