Sorry for my bad english. Also I’m typing on mobile, if im make any spelling mistakes im sorry.
So i was browsing reddit. i did my daily deed by creating my 420th account to downvote EA’s comment about microtransactions (EPIC). and then i saw a hilarious meme about dying in a car crash on r/dankmemes. i decided to try it out. So me, being the typical redditor decided to take my wife and children with me (SPOILER, THIS WAS A MISTAKE). Not with standing, we were in the car and saw a big truck. Now i’m a fan of big trucks, let me tell you, but the driver was clearly an insta normie. We crashed into the truck going 250 mph. My wife was vaporised immediately. The car flipped 69 times (nice). Cum, everywhere. My cock and balls, tortured. My reddit gold, gone. r/wooosh. now you might have noticed the truck driver has uploaded this accident on r/watchpeopledie after committing 4 counts of vehicular manslaughter. This guy is a repeat offender when it comes to reposting. I could name several instances in which he reposted in r/blursedimages and r/aww. Typically he reigns in 20% karma gains as compared to the original posts. This is outrageous. But what is more outrageous is this man, this normie decides to repost on to instagram! Unforgivable! Onto his instagram account, i have noticed several posts causing me to believe he is a boomer! Not just this, but a simp! He supports the orange man and kills children! To relieve my stress after this scarring incident, I decided to donate my life savings to pokemane. Now this bitch, didn't even say my name! I cant believe this! And then, to top it all off, after uploading my cat to r/chonkers HE DIES! It was right after his 12th meal of the day, so at least he died happily. Could it be the cat food? Has anyone else experienced this? After my cat dying i asked my crush out and she said no! My wifes boyfriend called me a cuck and insulted my neckbeard. I was sad. I covered my tears with my fedora. “M’lady”, i whispered, “please forgive me, i have failed you”. After this i went onto r/pewdiepiesubmissions to defend a woman being bullied by evil men. They called me a simp, but i knew that i was actually a protector of the female gender from the patriarchy!
TLDR: Keanu chungus updoot raid reddit gold platinum UWU wholesome what are your greatest cumshots OWO r/whoosh r/pewdiepiesubmissions r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit
Edit 1: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
Edit 2: WOW! My first platinum? Incredible!
Edit 3: 69 thousand updoots? We did it reddit!
Edit 4: Keanu would be proud! Thank you!
Edit 5: WOW! 100 thousand upvotes! I came!!!!
Edit 6: Incredible! The amount of upvotes I have is almost as many murders as I have committed in Syria!
Update 1: I am in jail due to my war crimes in Syria. AMA