I’m the guy you don’t want on your team

I’m the guy you don’t want on your team
byu/alexandergutt inleagueoflegends

 I'm the guy you don't want on your team 

I'm a normal guy. I work a corporate job in a profession that requires qualifications. I perform well there. I have a university degree. I have a few friends, two cats, and a girlfriend. Planning to have kids. I get along with people. People describe me as calm, collected, and very intelligent.

This game, however, brings out something from deep within me. This thing is not human. This entity is toxic, it's self-destructive, it's defiant. I become an absolute garbage goblin monkey when I play this game. I go on 10-game winning streaks, I go 30/5. And similar losing streaks going 2/19. But it doesn't matter if I win or lose. Somehow, I think I play for the rage. And win or lose, I rage all the same.

I used to play this game normally. Played ranked and got to gold with a 60-70% winrate the first season I played. At some point I lost a few games in a row, and something clicked within me. This was in season 6.

I am permanently tilted. I cannot bring myself to care about winning or actually try, yet I go absolutely berserk if I lose a trade, miss a last hit, or die in lane. I lost a trade? You better believe I'm going to all-in and die. I miss a last hit because the minion suddenly has a mind of its own and runs away from me while it dies? I'm probably going to flash and ult in place.

I sometimes wake up from a sort of gaming-induced haze, simultaneously realising and wondering what the hell I am doing as I cackle to myself atop my anti-haemorrhoid pillow while typing "wait for late", "play safe" to my teammates after dying three times in five minutes on Master Yi top. I'm a grown man. A sort of inside joke, but I am the only one in the know. I have responsibilities. They don't know I'm parodying a certain archetype that exists in this game's player base. I have work tomorrow. Because, of course, they can't distinguish me from someone truly of that archetype. I could be doing something productive. And I ask myself: Am I actually pretending?

I can't keep myself from attempting things that I know will with 90% certainty have a negative outcome. I can't bring myself to care enough to play patiently and just not do it. Yet when it goes wrong, I turn into a despicable, raging, basement-dwelling troll.

I can't let the game win. I can't let the sanctimonious normies who tell me to take a break to avoid tilting win. I queue up again, I ban None. I take ignite. And the day is ruined.