I live in an apartment and I’ve been having issues with pigeons shitting on my balcony. It’s a balcony with a real nice view on top of a mountain, so it was really pissing me off that I can’t enjoy it properly. I like to cook, drink my tea there, but I’m afraid of catching diseases from the pigeon shit.
I read about pigeon deterrents online and tried everything. I put up spikes on the railing and edges, hung up CDs, put up fake scarecrow ravens and even tried playing high-pitched noises. They kept coming back and shitting all over my balcony. Nothing worked. I even bought a water gun to blast them with, and it only scares them away the moment I do it but they come back when I’m not around.
Today, I saw a pigeon land on my balcony and I absolutely lost my shit. I was struck with a primal urge to assert male dominance and went out, grabbed the pigeon, took it into my bathroom, and assfucked it raw over my toilet bowl. It felt good to show the pigeon who’s boss like how people do it in prison. My cock barely fit inside his small ass, and for a moment I thought my thrusts could kill or severely injure him. He started cooing and moaning, and he came all over my toilet bowl. I finished inside him raw.
I took him back to the balcony and released him so that he could tell all his friends how I humiliated him and pounded a gaping hole in his ass prison style. I thought this would scare them away for good.
But instead, he went and told all his friends that I fuck and now I have a bigger problem. The pigeons, both male and female keep coming to my window sill and balcony and harassing me begging me to fuck them. There is 100x more shit on my balcony now. They keep cooing, moaning, and banging against my windows begging for the dick.
I can’t leave my house anymore because when I do, they recognize me and mob me humping me and moaning. My plan didn’t go as expected at all and I don’t know what to do now. I can’t sleep at night because of all the cooing, moaning and banging against the windows. Is there a way to make myself unattractive to the pigeons? Has anyone dealt with this before?
Now there is also cum all over my windows and balcony. The wildlife authorities said pigeons are an endangered species now in the area because they stopped mating with each other cause they only want human dick. They are suing me for endangering the pigeons. I don’t have the money for this huge lawsuit please guys help me out here.
