So yeah, I'm pretty fucked up, I know. If it helps, I had a fucked up childhood - Freud would love me. I had an extremely high sex drive in high school but no friends or girlfriend. Somewhere between high school and college I became a completely new individual with a new personality and I recognize that this was wrong, and I carry a massive amount of shame, and the more I think about it each day, the more I hate myself for it. I've seen girls receive support in this sub for things like this, so I'm hoping I can get it off my chest to you guys without receiving too much hate for it.
Lol, now here's the fun part of the post. One night, I wondered what it would be like to let my dog lick my dick with peanut butter on it. I didn't like it and I felt pretty weird, but my dog seemed to really enjoy it. My dog kept trying to lick my asshole and I would stop her, but she would fight against my hand to lick it. And let me tell you, it felt AMAZING. I decided to just let her do it, and I came within seconds. So, sporadically over the course of a few years, I probably let her do it around 5 times. And I regret it, so much. I just feel totally weird and ashamed and guilty. I mean, I didn't force her to do anything and she's got no trauma from it. She was probably just thinking, "Hey look! An asshole! Om nom nom."
My brain is so fucked up. I'm on hella meds, I've got bipolar disorder and PTSD, my sex drive is/was insatiable, but I didn't know any of this in high school, so I blame my past untreated mental illness (currently well treated) for my weirdness. I feel like because of my past shames, I could never truly be loved. Like, if I told my girlfriend this, who has pronounced unconditional love to me, would probably break up with me because it's so heinous, creepy and weird (Yeah We're getting a little sentimental here). I hate that I have to live the rest of my life carrying this ugly disgusting secret. I hope I can get close enough to my gf to tell her this someday, but it would have to be a 10 years relationship minimum - just so I know she's stuck with me and probably wouldnt leave me over it at that point. I wish I had never done it.
Thanks for reading!
