By u/JugFlintWatery, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Varesa, the new top Electro DPS in Genshin.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Varesa. I try to dash with Mona. My Varesa runs faster. I try to skill with Yelan. My Varesa runs faster. I try to swoop with Kirara, Lynette. My Varesa runs faster. I try to blitz with Mavuika. You guessed it - Varesa runs faster.
I come up with an exploration team.
I climb with Kinich, Xilonen. They're slower at running and both like Varesa's speed. I fly over with Chasca, Ifa, Wanderer. Varesa can jump over valleys. I glide with Citlali, Ororon, Kazuha. Varesa can reach almost as high with her charged attack. I invite Mualani, Furina on the beach. But... Varesa runs over water.
She grabs me by the throat. I cook for her. I organize her orchard. I ask for Coach Iansan's help to grant her strength. She isn't satisfied. I give her R5 Widsith. "That 480 EM buff is wasted on me, give me Notions. Also, pull for C1 so I can run infinitely," she said, as she drove Mavuika's bike and forced it to run over enemies. "You just need to buff me more with C6 Chevreuse, I can deal more damage in Overload."
Well, I can't pull for Notions or C1, I don't have enough primogems. I also failed to get C6 Chevreuse and C6 Iansan on her banner. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "You oughta stand down?!" She grabs her mask. She shouts, "Fietena, grant me strength!!"
There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but absurd overworld travel speed and insane plunge damage.
What a cruel world.