How to Cum So Hard You Trigger Another Cambrian Explosion

We all love cumming! Unfortunately, even the best cum rarely result in a global surge of biodiversity comparable to that of the Cambrian Explosion, a diversification of modern life that occurred approximately 540 million years ago and created nearly all species that are alive today. If you feel like there’s simply no way you can cum hard enough to change the course of geologic history, don’t worry. Here are four tips for bringing your cum to the next level by triggering a major evolutionary event:

Cum in a highly oxygenated environment.

Scientists have hypothesized that an increase in atmospheric oxygen prior to the Cambrian Explosion may have facilitated the ability of different species to grow and develop. If your cum isn’t resulting in the desired surge of flora and fauna, check to make sure you’re not cumming in an oxygen-starved environment.

Fuck and cum in a bird.

This one may sound a little sexually adventurous, but The Cambrian Explosion is believed to have been partially triggered by a sex race between predators and prey. By bringing the current sex race between humans and birds to the next level when you cum in a bird, you could set off a new wave of evolutionary chaos in which birds can breed with humans.

Drink milk before, during, and after cumming.

Some scientists have argued that an increase in the amount of calcium in the Cambrian seawater made it possible for a wider variety of organisms to build their skeletons, resulting in increased biodiversity. Do your part to increase the calcium content in your environment by drinking milk so that any cum released from your scrotum can be used by nearby clams or mollusks to generate new skeletons for themselves.

Finally, try cumming in a bog or mud pit.

Without fossil evidence of the increased biodiversity caused by your Earth-shaking cum, future scientists will be unable to pinpoint when and how your cum gave rise to an explosion of biodiverse life. So by cumming in a peat or mud pit your cum can be fossilized for future generations to discovered.

So there you have it! four tips for cumming so hard that you bring about a new wave of unprecedented biodiversity on Earth.