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Ed, man! !man ed

    Its a text editor joke by Patrick J. LoPresti posted on the Free Software Foundation website back in 1991 that satirizes tech elitism. The joke often resurface whenever someone is arguing one software is better over another (usually code editors) when both of them does the same thing and are arguably similar.

    In the old (90s) programming world, there were semi-serious debate over which text editor is the best—primarily between vi and Emacs.

    The joke ignores both of those modern (at the time) editors and aggressively champions ed, which is the absolute oldest, most primitive, and hardest-to-use text editor in the Unix operating system.

    Because ed was created in an era where computers used teletypes (printing on physical paper) rather than screens, it was designed to print as few characters as possible to save time and ink. If you made a mistake, asked for help, or tried to figure out how to close the program, ed would simply respond with a single question mark: ?. It is famously impossible for a beginner to figure out how to exit ed. The author sarcastically praises this as being “prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity.”

    Short version

    When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi and Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, 'C-h for help' and "foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. 

    Original

    When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi
    *and* Emacs are just too damn slow.  They print useless messages like,
    'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'.  So I use the editor
    that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time.
    
    Ed, man!  !man ed
    
    ED(1)               UNIX Programmer's Manual                ED(1)
    
    NAME
         ed - text editor
    
    SYNOPSIS
         ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ]
    DESCRIPTION
         Ed is the standard text editor.
    ---
    
    Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first
    alphabetically, but because it's the standard.  Everyone else loves ed
    because it's ED!
    
    "Ed is the standard text editor."
    
    And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair.  Just look:
    
    -rwxr-xr-x  1 root          24 Oct 29  1929 /bin/ed
    -rwxr-xr-t  4 root     1310720 Jan  1  1970 /usr/ucb/vi
    -rwxr-xr-x  1 root  5.89824e37 Oct 22  1990 /usr/bin/emacs
    
    Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed.
    Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog
    message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K;
    and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!!
    
    "Ed is the standard text editor."
    
    Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed:
    
    golem> ed
    
    ?
    help
    ?
    ?
    ?
    quit
    ?
    exit
    ?
    bye
    ?
    hello? 
    ?
    eat flaming death
    ?
    ^C
    ?
    ^C
    ?
    ^D
    ?
    
    ---
    Note the consistent user interface and error reportage.  Ed is
    generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm
    the novice with verbosity.
    
    "Ed is the standard text editor."
    
    Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all.
    
    ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA!  ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED
    AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES!  ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS
    BODILY FLUIDS!!  ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR!  ED MAKES THE SUN
    SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!
    
    When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless
    help screens and cursor positioning code!  I just want an EDitor!!
    Not a "viitor".  Not a "emacsitor".  Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED!
    ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!
    
    TEXT EDITOR.
    
    When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their
    "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi?  No.  Emacs?  Surely
    you jest.  They chose the most karmic editor of all.  The standard.
    
    Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on.  If you
    are an idiot, you should use Emacs.  If you are an Emacs, you should
    not be vi.  If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION.  THE
    SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE
    FAITHLESS.  DO NOT GIVE IN!!!  THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!!
    
    ?